Does No One Sympathize?

[new gamma rays]

I was riding home from my uncles house because I had to hide out there since my parents didn't want me at home. It was a pretty nerve rattling day, with my dad telling me he's going to stop paying for me to be at a group home - a group home my parents purposely put me in - and telling me that I shouldn't come home because I had some flashback episodes there. I was barely holding on, and saw something on TV about how this woman was using dogs to help ptsd veterans help recover.

I broke down in the car and tried to say that I had ptsd like those veterans from my family, and this prompted a lecture from my uncle, basically showing no sympathy for my cause and telling me that (exasperated) 'Joseph, it could be a lot worse, you should see the people I see on the West side pushing a cart because their mental health has them on the streets. You should consider yourself lucky [to be in a crowded group home that offers me no services whatsoever]. Which set me off, and I tried to tell him more about what had really gone on - I did not end up in a group home because my mental health required it - but he just had my parents side of the story and argued with me even more loudly. It was a shock and a slap to the face since these are the only relatives I have nearby, and when my parents tell me I can't come home.

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm sorry to hear that you have had to go through with this. I really encourage you to reach out to mental health professionals to help you get on the right track. Finding something that works for you will truly make a difference in how you handle these situations with your family.

Sometimes people see only what they want to see. It's very unfortunate. I wish you help and luck and the strength to realize, just because these people are your family doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. Only you can know what that is, or find out what that is. I know, I found out the hard way.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I'm so sorry Gamma Ray.

I've had that happen to me before. I tried opening up to my sister telling her I had PTSD. And she flat out looked at me like I was crazy. Saying "Don't say that. Sure what you've been through sucks but you don't have PTSD. War Vets have that. NOT you."

It stung.

That she just... completely disregarded the fact.

And whn I brought it up a different time... she didn't even remember I told her I had PTSD. That's how much attention she gave me and my problem.

It was ... an unbelievable slap to the face.

I hope you can find a therapist to talk to. The only thing that's really helped me with my PTSD is my therapist and this forum. Where so many people here are willing to talk and help each other out. Where they UNDERSTAND and won't disregard you or what you have to say as nonesense. It's grounded me a great deal.

It's become vital for me. And because of it I've been able to slowly talk to a select few friends about it. They don't understand fully. I doubt they ever will. But at least they can recognize it now.

So please keep writing on this site.

Keep expressing yourself. And involve yourself here. It is a safe and healing place. The more time you spend here the more you get out of it.

 

[new gamma rays]

In spite of what happened i keep being told by my mom, "your aunt and uncle want to help" and the biggest burn was by my dad who said it was just my uncle "redefining PTSD". He is the hugest repressor in the universe. Not one member of my family said 'I'm sorry that happened'. Unfortunately i've been finding out my family doesn't have my best interests at heart - they just want to minimize seeing the damage they caused at all costs - and to deny my version of events.

 

[new gamma rays]

Thanks Phoenix. I have heard the war veteran thing from my dad a couple of times. Its just hard to even make sense of what you have when your family won't even acknowledge its existence, or that it might be grounded in real events that happened to you that they weren't there to see.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Thanks Phoenix. I have heard the war veteran thing from my dad a couple of times. Its just hard to even make sense of what you have when your family won't even acknowledge its existence, or that it might be grounded in real events that happened to you that they weren't there to see.

I'm sorry Gamma Ray. I can relate to you a little bit in that fact.

I've been in and out of the hospital since I was 15 because of medical problems. I have nightmares from being held down by nurses, from needles being stuck into my face, from passing out from pain, and a whole slew of other things. It was all real. However it all happened in the hospital. Where no one saw it. My parents didn't even see a quarter of it. And my peers... God knows what they think when I said I was in the hospital. They probably thought I was just in there with an IV watching TV happy as a clam or some bull like that.

I get that from certain people "What could you possible have PTSD from?" And most of the times I can't even reply. Because where could I start? I could write a paper on that.

My sister is coming around but still doesn't really get it. ANd my parents while they know it ... they down play it and NEVER talk about it. As if my PTSD isn't really there.

But they ARE REAL.

Mine are real.

And yours ARE REAL.

It's bull that they can't accept it.

I think what's most important is that you accept it. And find a way to come to terms with it with or without your family's support. Because it did happen. You are the one living with it. It can't be ignored. You can't ignore it like they seemingly can. I'm sorry you have to do this on your own.

I was on my own too until I found a therapist. I'm not sure if that's something you can get at this time. Or something that you're interested in. But I'd really recommend getting one. If that's not possible then use this site. While I do have a therapist she can only help me so much. I see her once a week or maybe 2x a month depending on my situation health wise. Which really isn't all that much time to get things done.

But this site? You can come online every day for however long you need. Someone is always on at any given time. I think being in this forum is the REAL work. This is were you practice and come to terms with things.

Therapy teaches you certain skills and you can get some professional advice but again you only get that for so long then it's back to the real world.

And I'm not sure if this will help you or not but, from my experience I've been able to ground myself and gain confidence. Each day I can feel myself learning who I am and what I'm capable of. And I've been able to assert myself better with others off this site and in the real world.

So back to the topic at hand. Do what you can now. Write what you know now. And the more you write the more you'll find you can remember and become aware of.

It might hit you all at once, or it may be hard to recall. But it'll all add up.

 

[Lady Vet]

Phoenix has such great advice :) And gamma...I am also sorry that things happened to you...I don't understand life, and why it's so chaotic and crazy sometimes....but you are in the right place...and I agree with Phoenix when she says you will get more out of this site with the more work/time you put in to it :) I am so glad you found this forum!

 

[Lady Vet]

btw....my new mantra is "Just because YOU don't understand PTSD, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with ME!" and this mantra evolved precisely because of the insensitive people in my own world. Find a mantra that works for you, gamma....something that reminds you that you're OK even though you have/suffer with PTSD, then fight like hell to do everything you can to improve your quality of life! Kick ass, then take names....lol

 

[raven123]

People say that shit, "there's someone worse off" because they wish to ignore YOU and your problems rather than offer support. It's just an excuse. I know there are worse off people than me and it sucks. But, it is about time it becomes about me and I stop getting told, other people are more important than you. I decided recently if I give help, I get help. If I don't get, I quit giving and write that person off as a leech not worthy of my time.

The worst leeches I've found are in one place--churches. I hate them even though I believe in God. I was abused and used in them and God said, my grace is sufficient. Other than my "other", so far, God's the only one that truly has given a shit other than a very few on the Internet. They've left by the way. This site is my last shot at much help online.

As far as worse off than me. One time someone said, you could be dead. I told them, no, that would've been too merciful. They recoiled in horror. Well, so far, nobody has considered my life of much value so why the hell should I? I can't see how death can be worse than being lonely for 40 years and not having any love and friendship. I only want one friend and lover. That's all I ask God for. That's what I need.

 

[new gamma rays]

Well I am glad for the feedback. But this is just going to get harder. My parents once again have decided to not tell me they are going out of town. They are going to New YORK on thursday apparently, but the only person who mentioned it to me was my dad on monday. So once again I am on my own, and I'd feel a lot less stressed if the meltdown with my uncle didn't happen. It makes me feel like I have two abusive families now, or at least two people to avoid. My cousins also live out this way, but they are my aunt and uncles children - so it feels like the whole situation has soured - even if it means nothing to my cousin.

I am really scratching for any kind of support. I have seen a therapist a couple of times, but she only works saturdays now. My mom cancelled the credit card I needed to schedule an appointment the last time, and now they are going to be out of town. I feel like I am headed towards a catastrophe. The only way I could keep hanging on in this group home is the relief I find at least going home a couple of times a week. Without that I feel like running away from this place and killing myself. Repeatedly throughout the day. I just hate that this happened. But at the same time, the way that I was living I feel this is just another consequence of my being sucidal all this time.

 

[Lady Vet]

Gamma...just hold on tight. You will get through this, no matter how it feels. YOu are stronger than you realize. You have more resources within your being than you have yet to tap. I know this, because that's why you're feeling out of control. Once you know how strong you are, and how many wonderful internal resources you have, then there's nothing to fear. So hold on tight! And don't you dare let go. Access whatever support you can find. We can't help you get through, but we can absolutely be here to walk through hell with you! So do whatever you have to do to get through this!

 

[new gamma rays]

I've walked through hell enough. I've literally been running for my life the past two years straight. and now I'm starting to get really worried for my future health and sanity.

Hell my current health and sanity. I know no body is supposed to put up with this much stress for this long of time but I've had no choice. And I can't believe my parents would just think nothing of going out of town for four days - when I really have nothing provided here, when I have doctors appointments I need to schedule, when I just need a bed and quiet for an hour which I don't get here - but instead I have to rely on my relatives again.

And oh yeah, I just had a fight with one of them. I feel like I'm drowning but now I have no choice to swim, just to tread water. I'm so mad right now