Terrifying Nightmare [triggering]

[Vynne]

Well,

I haven't had vivid nightmares for a long time; it's a symptom I've had, but I thought I came over it somehow.

Normally my boyfriend and I (we live together) sleep together and it leads to better sleeping for me. Last week he went on a vacation for 8 days (without me). I stayed at home. I noticed my sleeping immediately got worse. The last night I was alone I had this terrible nightmare (I haven't had such nightmares in years!)

[Don't read this if you can't stand triggers!]

I dreamed I was lying on my back, couldn't move and got raped again. I felt it as if it was really happening. I even felt I was trying to fly away with my mind (in the dream).

When I woke up I couldn't shake off the dream. My body really hurt, especially my back.

It stayed with me the whole day; the dream.

Later that evening I took a shower and I felt my back really hurting. When I tried to see what hurt I saw a huge scratch.

What makes me feel bad (insecure actually) is that I don't know what I did during my dream. I woke up in my bed, but I'm afraid I sleepwalked (although I only did that during childhood till the age of 8)

I don't know how to find out what I did (especially since it's almost a week later), but I don't want to lose control. And I'm afraid this might happen again some night

 

[nimkekaa]

Last week he went on a vacation for 8 days (without me). I stayed at home. I noticed my sleeping immediately got worse

I too have more nightmares when my hubby isn't sleeping with me. It's a safety thing for me. I feel so much safer with him beside me. We have been married for 20 years so now I know what to expect when he isn't beside me. I try and do more self care when I know he isn't going to be home that night. (he works shift work)

As for the sleep walking, maybe you can put an alarm on your door. If the alarm goes off it might wake you up. If it doesn't wake you up then at least you will have some tangible proof that you left the room so you don't have to try and guess.

What a horrible feeling to not know what happened.

 

[Vynne]

My relationship isn't going very well and leads to a lot of tenshion most of the time, but when he was gone for those 8 days I noticed that different kind of tenshion. I think it's important for me to learn how to distract myself from the bad feelings and stop myself before I start reliving.

I think what you say about selfcare is very important too, but I'm not very good in that. Can you tell me what things you do for example?

The advise about the sleepwalking is a good one, but I have a little child. I don't want her to wake up from some kind of alarm and I also believe my boyfriend wouldn't be ok with that. But you made me think in the right direction, I'm thinking about a childmonitor with (recording) cam now. That way I can see what happened the next day.

I notice that talking about this thing made me feel a lot better already. The panicky feeling of not knowing is fading a little now.
Thanks for your respons :)