General Does Anyone Else's Sufferer Think Only In Black & White?

[p-no]

discarded, if it's true, I see no future for a reciprocal relationship. I've tried, several times. Then my dad. My colleagues. I can only tell you one thing. Some time, when you're ready, read "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood and you will know. It may make things better for you to know; it may make you see what was/is about you and what was/is not. That can free you tremendously. But once you grasp AS fully, it may send you down a bottomless pit. Don't join me there, please.

 

[Abstract]

I do agree it is a symptom of Asbergers but do think it can be fairly common in other unhelpful thinking styles and that sometimes relate to previous trauma. Talking about the inability to look at the big picture and someone's intent.

It just seems to me in the described incident there were two possible ways to interpret it and that it doesn't sound as much AS as other thinking. Typical AS literal thinking would be something like the inability to understand something like, "It's raining cat's and dog's" or other idiom's or to find them confusing.

 

[Abstract]

there is a grey ulterior motive.

This is a possibility and would change the understanding of what is going on. If he is using deliberate misunderstanding to manipulate you or express his trust or paranoia issues then it is totally different.

 

[p-no]

I do agree it is a symptom of Asbergers but do think it can be fairly common in other unhelpful thinking styles and that sometimes relate to previous trauma.

There usually is a huge difference in the extent of the black-and-whiteness and lack of empathy and Theory of Mind between NTs (neurotypicals, i.e. non-autistic) with a trauma history and people with AS.

or other idiom's

No, sorry. It is not just idioms. It is down-to-a-t-literal regarding the content expressed and excluding fully the content not expressed. If you want to find out what AS is, as well as the extents of AS vs. PTSD, I'd suggest reading "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood. Then continue with others.

Just saying. If I were the original poster, I would check it out. In my view, and I have 32 years of experience with AS in my personal and professional life, what is said in the original post exceeds the PTSD extent of b/w-ness and literalness. I am aware though that this is just one post and only the personal view on the matter (subjective) by the original poster.

Also, on a side note, when you have people with AS around you, in your family growing up, friends you choose, colleagues you work with, that way of communicating and all can become your normal. Especially when you don't know what AS is. When something is your normal, you do not really question it too much because "everyone is like that".

Just saying. I will leave this thread now.

 

[Abstract]

There usually is a huge difference in the extent of the black-and-whiteness and lack of empathy and Theory of Mind between NTs (neurotypicals, i.e. non-autistic) with a trauma history and people with AS.

Prime- no,
I was actually saying that really. We are on the same page. I understand you saying it is worth considering. I was also saying that what was described could very easily fit within the "neurotypical" way of communicating.

 

[paulisgirl]

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, this man I love is driving me nuts but I will not walk away from him or the relationship we have a 35 year history and we are only in our early 40's. How do you walk away from your soul mate even when it is not healthy and you know it's not?

I've told him that if he feels the need to be apart he will have to be the one to initiate separation because I absolutely refuse to. One day he's talking about leaving the next he's making long term plans for our life when I'm able to retire in 6 years.

I will look up AS and perhaps his psychiatrist address it as well. From everything I've learned in therapy drug resistance is not good in regards to treatment of PTSD sufferers to make it worse the literalness of all issues, brutal honesty, trust issues, verbal and emotional abuse I have my own issues: Secondary PTSD and late stage codependency both of which I get no support at all from him because now that I have these issues, I'm told by him that those are just excuses for my actions and that I do everything on purpose to mess with his head. I'm working on my issues as well, some days it is just exhausting though. It's not even noon and I'm ready for a nap.

 

[Lunada94]

Yeah, when my husband is having an episode he goes extremely literal. I think it's a way to protect himself in the moment...drawing boundaries and clear lines to help with the paralyzing fear. When he's not triggered he's not a black and white person at all. Just in PTSD moment.

 

[awayhome06]

I have this same problem with my husband, though thankfully not to the same degree. What I do odd simply not answer in straight yes or no style. It still frustrated him, but it shuts down his ability to call me a liar or to tangent. For your example, you could say, "I slept with him during the relationship we had twenty years ago, but not since then." Am alternative in this particular case is to tell him he doesn't have the right to ask because the two of you were not together at the time. That would depend on where you wasn't the boundaries to be though.