Issue With A Close Friend.

[InHell11]

I am having a bit of an issue, and its not really so much an issue with my close friend, but more of my issues getting in the way. Basically I recently was being a dumba** while taking klonopin that was prescribed and things got a bit out of hand at my friends house.

I got very drunk and sort of freaked the hell out at my friends house or something. I still don't know exactly what happened all I know is one minute I was enjoying myself and there was no problem, next minute I was getting kicked out of my friends house earlier than planned for some unknown reason. Which only freaked me out more since I had no understanding of the situation and just thought everyone including my best friend were being nosy, intolerant jerks.

Apparently, I blacked out and so there is no telling what may have happened though now I think the drinking in excess on meds thing was concerning it didn't occur to me at the time. Even so, I don't even know how I would go about bringing it up or if its even worth finding out what all happened. That night I got a ride home from my sister, quite reluctantly but it probably was the best option at that point.

Anyways, I have not seen him since that so about a month maybe a little less, but we've talked over the phone a couple times. He's said we're still friends, understandably does not want me to drink at his house at least for a while and I can hardly get a beer down anyways I tried last night and I think I got about half way through.

Even though hes not holding what happened against me I am holding it against myself and cannot bring myself to even call or inquire about getting together again sometime even though he's said he wants to. It's frustrating because I want to stay in contact I don't typically have friends let alone close ones so I'd prefer not to just let it fade into nothing just because of one bad night but the longer I go on not talking to him the more likely it is, he's contacted me a couple times so its not that he should be making more of an effort. I guess I just can't get over feeling like if anything I make peoples lives worse if they know me.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Hi there - it sounds like its a friendship that you would like to maintain but don't know how to move forward. I know how horrible it can feel like when you think (or know) that you've made an ass out of yourself and all you want to do is hide and pretend it never happened but sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and deal with things head on. Can you isolate what it is that your worried about or feeling? How you would feel if you were no longer friends?

I'm someone who has a great deal of difficult maintaining close friendships. I can be difficult to get to know and I often have a bit of a prickly persona. It's often hard for me to accept that people want to be around me for no other reason than they genuinely like me or my company. As I've gotten older I have come to regret all the friendships I've lost over the years because of my inability to open up or keep ties. If this is your best friend you may want to give it another shot.

 

[Innordinate]

If you really want to know what all happened, that you've blacked out, ask. But do you think you really want to know? I think it's enough knowing that drinking and meds don't generally mix and to not do that again anywhere.

Maybe be glad that whatever happened, happened at a friends house and not somewhere less safe.

I've had many nights where the next day I end up asking people WTH happened, or just wondering what happened. Sometimes it's pretty funny dumb shit, sometimes ...not so fun, funny or dumb - just plain reckless and scary.

If he's keeping in touch then you aren't making his life worse. Just yours by not calling him back or getting together with him again.

Good luck.

 

[InHell11]

If you really want to know what all happened, that you've blacked out, ask. But do you think you really want to know? I think it's enough knowing that drinking and meds don't generally mix and to not do that again anywhere.

No I am not so sure I do want to know all the details, and it doesn't matter really I just shouldn't drink on meds. Though, I don't think I should take meds either since they seem to either do nothing or add to my problems so currently I am not.

If he's keeping in touch then you aren't making his life worse. Just yours by not calling him back or getting together with him again.

Yeah, I suppose so.

 

[InHell11]

Can you isolate what it is that your worried about or feeling? How you would feel if you were no longer friends?

Not exactly, I suppose I just don't want to cause problems for him and I am worried I could freak out like that again. I mean yeah that time the alcohol and meds combination was a significant factor, but I don't necessarily have control of if I freak out or not when I am not drinking on meds either.

I'm someone who has a great deal of difficult maintaining close friendships. I can be difficult to get to know and I often have a bit of a prickly persona. It's often hard for me to accept that people want to be around me for no other reason than they genuinely like me or my company.

Same here, It's hard for me to see why anyone would really genuinely want to be around me for my company. So when things like this happen I wonder why someone would even bother remaining my friend.

 

[saffy]

Are you sorry for your actions and plan to take precautions that it will not happen again?

If so, there is no more you can do on this matter. No body is perfect and we all makes mistakes and do things we regret after. As long as we can genuinely be sorry and try to improve then that is enough and all that is expected.
Any other inner dialogue is based on irrational fears and doubts. You may feel embarrassed or even a bit silly but that is you telling yourself off, no body else feels like this.

Your friend has moved on and put it in the past. You need to do the same. Prove that it was out of character and that although you were not in full control you are sorry if your actions upset or annoyed anyone. I doubt if anyone is going to hold a gruge over this, if so that person is the one with bad issues not you.

I hope you can move forward from this.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Rumors]

Send him a note? You could buy an apology card and inside be more detailed about how sorry you are for having not used better judgement and that drinking and meds simply don't mix!

Good luck!

 

[sharonj]

No ...I have no problem with any friend..

Good luck to everyone to solve their problem...

 

[embarr]

I can so relate w ith this. I recently did this on New Years. The holidays are a huge trigger for me. I was drinking a lot too. We were all having a good time. I have my own issues and she's got a lot on her plate. Shes gotten into drugs and lost her home and has burnt bridges with other of our mutual friends. I love her. And maybe I'm worried about her. But her sketchiness and her attitude at the party triggered my ptsd. And I had an angry outburst and took it out on her. I sad mean nasty things that I'm super ashamed about. I've been feeling so guilty. I have only text her and told that I want to say things in person to her. But I still haven't even called her yet.

 

[InHell11]

Are you sorry for your actions and plan to take precautions that it will not happen again?

Your friend has moved on and put it in the past. You need to do the same. Prove that it was out of character and that although you were not in full control you are sorry if your actions upset or annoyed anyone. I doubt if anyone is going to hold a gruge over this, if so that person is the one with bad issues not you.

Of course I am sorry about it though Its rather complicated since the clonozepam I was prescribed was a major factor. From what i gather I was being more impulsive and prone to anger than usual and I wasn't really aware since i didn't notice much change just thought it was helping the anxiety since I didn't feel as anxious.

Honestly, I don't even remember what exactly it is I am supposed to be sorry about which makes it kind of confusing. What I've said here about it is based on what I gathered from talking to my mom, a couple other people and what little bits of memory I have of the whole clonozepam experiance. I am not sure I can express how much it bothers me that I cannot remember what exactly happened during the time spent on the clonzepam.

The most I can really do as far as precautions is not accept a prescription of that drug again, and as of now I am simply not going to try any more psych meds....since I am afraid of simular results. I also don't react well to prozac or wellbutrin. To be honest I would prefer if it was a more typical sort of mistake that was genuinely a case of me screwing up on my own and realizing it not behaving out of character on a drug prescribed to me without realizing it till after having to go to the psych ward.

I would like to be able to put it behind me, but I still have dreams related to it including all the bad feelings. I also have the issue of not being quite ready to talk to him yet...I am still processing it and hoping I am able to though I am sure he understands I need a bit of time to come to terms with it. I am also rather angry that something I was prescribed could prove to be such a problem.

And maybe this sounds ridiculous but I don't think I would have been drinking on the clonozepam if it wasn't for the clonzepam since I remember wanting to drink a lot more on the clonozepam than off of it but I don't want to go into what my mindset was too much since it kind of disturbs me a bit much to explain right now. I might have risked drinking a little on it but certainly not the way I was going about it.

 

[PeekieBlue]

This is eating away at you and the longer you leave it the harder it will be to deal with. Try to be strong and write a letter or card to your friend TODAY briefly explaining what happened I. E the meds mixed with drink etc. Apologise for any hurt caused by your actions but explain you genuinely can't recall the event etc because of the meds but that you will take responsibility for the future and not let it happen again (this is important, you know the meds and alcohol don't mix so it's down to you to not let something like this happen again) I am sure your friend will then make a move to contact you and bridges can be mended. Don't leave it any longer as it will eat away at you. It's hard I know but it's not good to have something like this troubling you. Good luck.

 

[saffy]

I would like to be able to put it behind me, but I still have dreams related to it including all the bad feelings.

You are focusing far too much on inner dialogue based on past events, not present or future needs. Don't worry I used to do this and still do sometimes.

I do things cringe worthy or embarrassing all the time and used to run away and hid beating myself up. I have to remind myself that I am human and am allowed to make mistakes and can apologise for them if needed.

Put it this way, I would think that you are the only one still bothered or upset about this now.

Have a think about:

If you were not on those particular tablets would you have been in better control?

If you can face everyone that was there what would you say to them now? (remember you do not need to go into great explanations, just apologise, that is all that is expected. If they want to know more they will ask)

what have you learned about this for the future?

You cannot change the past, it has been done. You also cannot blame yourself for adverse reactions to prescription drugs, but you can learn the signs and change the medication.

A lot of the time when I really think about it, it was not the deed, it was the drinking, and I can control that.

I know this is really hard but you must try to stop focusing on past events and concentrate on the present moment and the future :)

Best wishes and HUGS
Saffy :)