Facial Scar But No Memory Of Getting It

[Mayday]

So I don't remember much of my childhood. I also have gaps in my adult memory too. And there are a lot of things that point to SA in my past, but because I don't remember exactly...I guess I don't feel fully confident in saying that there definitely was.

anyway...this is one thing that bothers me

I have a small scar under my lower lip, it is not that noticeable, just a small white line, but it's easy to see if I point it out. I also noticed recently that there's a smallish scar on the inside of my lower lip that kinda matches up with the one under my lip but not quite.

I remember as a kid, one of my friends told me about her sister who fell down the stairs and her tooth went through her lip because of the fall...so I imagine I maybe I had a similar accident at some stage.

The thing is, I have no memory of any accident like that, either as an adult or a child. I was randomly talking to my parents about scars earlier this year and pointed this scar out to them, and they could see it, but then they asked me how it happened? And I said, well I was hoping you could tell me because I'm sure I've had this scar my whole life. And they just went "oh" and changed the subject.

So I don't know...out of interest, I tried to get my medical records but the hospital/doctors don't keep them from that far back (I'm in my early thirties)

I would have thought that if something happened that was enough to cause a permanent facial scar, that either I would remember it, or my parents "should" remember it. Especially if it was just an accident.

I don't know...it just bothers me.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Marybell,

My sister has a scar similar to that from an accident when young and she doesn't remember it but my parents and I do. Are you parents neglectful of injuries in general? Scars like this are quite common as young children often fall and hurt themselves in that area but it is strange they don't remember as you would have had obvious signs of being injured.

I too have many gaps in my past and to a lessor extent my present so sympathise. It is confusing and annoying. i think for me dissociative trance was a biggy.

I think we normally have a sense of something happening when it has. Do you have memory fragments?

 

[Anna]

Hi Maybell, I also have a small white scar on my forehead and a dent in the front of my skull, lucky only noticeable if you feel it. I remember running into the cupboard and doing this as a child, as do my family.

As Abstract says above, small children do have accidents. Sometimes it is also better to move on with the future and digging up the past can unopen wounds that are better left to heal.

 

[safenow]

I have one of those. I've been told I fell out of a highchair and my two teeth went through. Who knows. The person who told me that is a known liar. LOL

I agree with anna.

 

[Mayday]

Hi Marybell,

My sister has a scar similar to that from an accident when young and she doesn't remember it but my parents and I do. Are you parents neglectful of injuries in general? Scars like this are quite common as young children often fall and hurt themselves in that area but it is strange they don't remember as you would have had obvious signs of being injured.

I too have many gaps in my past and to a lessor extent my present so sympathise. It is confusing and annoying. i think for me dissociative trance was a biggy.

I think we normally have a sense of something happening when it has. Do you have memory fragments?

I have had some memory fragments of things happening that were not right, but I don't know whether they are real or not (if that makes sense). It was an authority figure but not a family member.

my parents can be very vague and have a history of keeping information from me. Recently my nephew had an accident in a playground and knocked out a tooth...they such a big deal out of that, that it struck me as strange that they had never mentioned me having an accident like that, which obviously I did because I have a scar.

They get very defensive about things. My mother has told me a few times about when one of her sisters was sexually abused as a kid, saying that it was her (the sister's) fault, because "everyone knew he was dodgy" and stayed away, so she should have known better too..."what did she expect?"

Sometimes it is also better to move on with the future and digging up the past can unopen wounds that are better left to heal.

this comment bothers me...why would you say such a thing on a ptsd website? Why would I be here if my wounds had "healed"? There is nothing healed about my life. Nothing. I have no one I can trust to talk to about this. NO ONE.

I just feel like such an empty, unwanted, ugly mess.

 

[Mayday]

I realise I didn't give much to go on in my original post, but that is because I am worried that people will dismiss whatever I say, as dredging up the past...so I tried to start with just one small thing

sorry, I am feeling very overwhelmed with things and it is hard for me to talk about, it's just a jumbled mess

 

[Abstract]

that is because I am worried that people will dismiss whatever I say, as dredging up the past...
sorry, I am feeling very overwhelmed with things and it is hard for me to talk about, it's just a jumbled mess

Hi Maybell,

Well done for being brave and starting to speak things. It sounds like you may have invalidation injuries. I have too and it certainly makes things difficult to speak about. I also have almost no memories for many years and suspect there was stuff that happened and I understand the difficulties that come with back. If I knew one incident clearly then I would not find it so confusing. Its the messiness of trying to figure what is real or not that is troubling.

I think if we dissociate then that can interfere with how we process memories and can make things seem very unreal.

I also think if one has some clear information of trauma then it is easier to accept that one does not remember other incidents. To not want any more of that stuff in ones conscious. Many people seem to feel that way. That they have more than enough on their plate already. Wondering whether something happened at all can be hard though. That whole balance in not wanting to harm ourselves by jumping to conclusions. Whilst trying to process our feelings and what we do remember.

I really hate your mother's response to her sister's abuse. It is awful. I also hope she didn't speak about these things with you when you were a child. I understand that you are possibly saying your mother is not a reliable witness when it comes to abuse.

Try looking at memory fragments and things you do remember or feel as a starting point. That seems to be what is advised. Take care.

 

[Mayday]

Its the messiness of trying to figure what is real or not that is troubling.

definitely, thank you for your response...I do feel less alone knowing that others struggle with this too

 

[Anna]

this comment bothers me...why would you say such a thing on a ptsd website? Why would I be here if my wounds had "healed"? There is nothing healed about my life. Nothing. I have no one I can trust to talk to about this. NO ONE.

Maybell, I am sorry if I upset you. It is my way of coping. Only my personal way of coping. That is the way I carry on and try to be strong each day.

 

[safenow]

Maybell, I am sorry if I upset you. It is my way of coping. Only my personal way of coping. That is the way I carry on and try to be strong each day.

Anna, moving on is good, but when you have more than just a tiny scar on your body or in your mind from memories, it's almost impossible to "move on". Because most of what happened to me was so many years ago, people are always saying things like, "suck it up and get over it", "You do so well the rest of the year, what the F*** is your problem now?" "Why do you keep thinking about it. Move on."

Those types of comments hurt to the quick. Don't people understand that if we could "get over it" we would have a long time ago?

I'm glad you believe it works for you. I hope and pray it does work for you. Let us know how you do it.

safenow

 

[Anna]

The problem with forums is that text is so easily misunderstood. There is so much missing. Tone of voice, facial expressions.

Safenow:- There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about what happened to me. Sometimes it hurts so very much. I am certainly not "over it". I never said that. I just try and cope the best I can.

I have had PTSD for over 18 years now. I have learned to cope with it. Trust me I do not forget it, I never will. I never said that. I just try to look to the positive things I have done, what I can do. I could sit and cry about the terrible things that were done to me, what I have seen, but then those who hurt me would have won by bringing me down.

Here is a link to a similar thread I started about injuries as a small child.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/head-injuries-as-a-small-child.29721/[/DLMURL]

Also, over the years I have began to become very hard, it is protection. I rarely feel much anymore. I am completly numb to the point where I just don't care. Then I have days where the emotions overwhelms me completly, then back to the numbness again.

Keeping busy so as not to remember. Always having something to do. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, we are after all all individuals.

 

[DharmaGirl]

For me, the problem with coping with it by workaholism, eating, exercising, etc..., was that I finally broke down at 52. I have been hospitalized 5 or 6 times this year, 2 suicide attempts this year, depression, flashbacks, nightmares, the whole shebang of PTSD symtoms. My mom says you coped as well as you could and your coping ran out. That's how I feel. I am in therapy and have been for a year. It is hard, but I am healing now. That's what is important to me. Healing.

(((Anna))), (((Maybell))), I hope we all get the healing we need because PTSD simply sucks.