Thank you everyone for welcoming me to this forum. I've been going to some forum posts and read Anthony's paper on PTSD. There is a lot here.
safenow, I appreciate your suggestions. When I'm bedridden it's difficult to know whether to fight it or go with it. Believe it or not I have thought about audiotapes but haven't followed through on obtaining any. Every 2 weeks I am close to a library in my travels, so will keep this in mind. Currently I go on the computer but like you my eyes hurt and become blurry after awhile, so listening to a good tape would certainly help.
Abstract. Yes, I do see a psychiatrist. She is aware of my problem and has suggested a change in antidepressant medication to an MAO inhibitor, for atypical depression. My family doctor suggested ECT. That's a bit scary for me.
My current state-of-affairs comes on the heels of a lifetime of struggling with my health atop of a severe form of PTSD that took place when I was sixteen years of age. I was sexually assaulted while in hospital for Crohn's disease by my gastroenterologist and almost died because he abruptly stopped my high dose steroid treatment (prednisone). Instead of a two week stay it became three months, during the whole time this specialist seemed to enjoy giving me painful treatments. I only survived because a young resident doctor took an interest in me and discovered I was in an adrenal crisis. He immediately ordered ACTH therapy which had terrible side effects. But saved my life. Many more things happened there that I won't detail here. But I did lose my memory of this event, although I suffered symptoms of hyperarousal whenever I had any contact with the medical profession afterwards. My memory came back during a very stressful time in my life... my father's terminal illness and being given medication for fibromyalgia that put me in a mental fog.
I seem to be the type of person who becomes physically ill when traumatized or triggered.
Now I have secondary adrenal insufficiency, came down with a life-threatening form of psoriasis three years ago, have a fatigue and pain condition diagnosed as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Also have degenerative disc disorder and a pelvic misalignment from a motorcycle accident years ago. I am in remission with Crohn's disease however had to have surgery last year for a blocked bowel that took one year to finally do. And, unfortunately, was done incorrectly. So now corrective surgery needs to be done which is also taking over a year to put into place which means I must do dressings twice daily which are painful and time-consuming.
I lost my partner to suicide 6 years ago. We weren't together long, only 2 years, however he threatened to kill himself if I ever left him (which he told friends of mine, not to me) and sure enough, four days after I left him (for continuing to binge on alcohol) he took his own life. I was devastated.
I am on a disability pension which means my finances are very limited.
I am blessed with a few friends and family members who care about me.
My health has kept me mostly homebound for 16 years. Consequently making new friends and getting around the community is difficult.
I guess I feel the need to let everyone know about my obstacles. I do worry about overloading others with this information.
