Burn My Journal Or Keep It?

[Britt.f7]

Catt, when my mom died there were some things we needed to burn of hers. You know, old important papers she obviously didn't need anymore, things like that. I have to say it was cathartic to burn them, cry, and let go. I also wrote in my journal while they were burning. Unfortunately I can't read most of it as I wrote it in anger, grief and tears. But the burning, yes, that did make me feel better.

 

[Catt]

:joyful: I just burned it, page by page, outside in the snow. Awesome. I read a line of each page before throwing it on a flaming page. HURRAH.:joyful:

 

[cat]

Well done Catt, such great courage to turn your back on the past & say goodbye to it all.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good for you. What a celebration you had.:D

 

[GreenFrog2]

Well done Catt. I don't keep any old journals - I found a long time ago that reading things from far behind me was a really big negative. I don't mind going over recent stuff, but I would like to think that I have let go of the the things I was working on years ago, and am addressing other things now. When I think about my journey it feels that I have let go of a lot, and grown and can deal with things better now (most of the time anyway).

Although I do often need to revisit family stuff in my journal I think of this as being like an onion where over time I am able to process a new layer of trauma - maybe I'll be done by the time I need a wheelchair!

 

[Catt]

New mode - write a scrap wherever I am, and burn it right there. Did that a few days ago. I was at a friend's, didn't have my journal, borrowed something to write on, and a little while later threw the sheet of paper in the fireplace. Feels good to have that method in my repertoire.

 

[safenow]

Catt, may I ask a rather dumb question, please? Why bother to write anything down? Sometimes, for me anyway, I find that I can learn from my journal. It helps me improve. Plus, I keep notes of things I've read that have helped and I can pay them forward for others to get help as well. Now that doesn't work for everyone, but it sure does help me in this journal through life.

Thank for answering (if you choose to).

 

[Catt]

As I mull your question, it occurs to me that journaling serves different functions. So the thought thread continues, you've identified some of those functions. One of the functions of journaling is something like an adage in writing that writing is thinking - that writing helps clarify and sharpens one's thinking, including awareness of feeling states. So journaling for even a bit can allow me to catch up to myself - help me identify what's going on with me. Especially handwriting, which for me is somewhat laborious compared to keyboarding, requires me to center and listen for, discern what is more substantial in me (thoughts and feelings) from among all my habitual chatter. Since I can just vomit on the page when I'm keyboarding, because I am a fairly fast typer, keyboarding doesn't natively impose the same discipline of winnowing my thoughts and feelings .

Knowing that I can burn the scrap soon afterwards frees me at some level to be real, to face unpleasant truths, to put down things that I can't make sense of or that aren't coherent, but which I have a charge on amidst the welter of thoughts and feelings that prompt me to pick up the pen at that moment.

Other types of journaling are valuable to hang onto. I may not be ready to let go of something. I was also reading about the journaling technology described in the journaling section of this website, and there are ways to really work what one has written down. I refer you to those intro threads by Andrew if you're curious to learn more about those.

 

[Britt.f7]

I am a writer, which is interesting in the fact that I haven't been able to journal in forever. I have wrote a few things on my blog but even that is few and far between. I can't even allow myself to journal on here.

Wondering what is keeping me from doing this?

 

[GreenFrog2]

writing is thinking - that writing helps clarify and sharpens one's thinking, including awareness of feeling states.

Exactly Catt - when I am writing I can clarify my thinking and identify specific feelings, which helps me to process events so much more than if I just think about them. I have found that by writing I can move through an "event" much more easily, it can still hurt, but the clarity makes it somewhat easier to figure out what I am thinking / feeling and why.

It's also an excellent way to identify "warpy" thinking - hard to deny when it's in front of you in black and white!

 

[Catt]

Wondering what is keeping me from doing this?

That looks like an invitation for suggestions. If it's not, I apologize.

1. Is it an option for you to do a google search and read about a bit? Search terms that come to my mind include "writer's block" and you may think of some likely terms.

2. You could journal about your writer's block. Journaling with a focus is often productive.

 

[Britt.f7]

I think of things to write about before I fall asleep. I have to start writing some of those thoughts down keep a pen and paper next to the bed.

I did write on my blog, after the above, about journaling.

I think it is a matter of doing something that I know is good for me. My therapist wants me to journal but I keep holding back.

And, Catt, all input is always welcomed with me. :) Thank you.