I journal, but therapist isn't happy at that

DogTired

Silver Member
Journalling. My wife came up with that years ago. She used to do that as a teenager in what she called her "Gripe Book".
Next day, she would read what she had written in anger and usually tore out the page, as on a re-read, it was nothing to get worked up about.

So I started my own. Except I can't get angry or remain upset about writing out the events of my history, or the flashbacks or nightmares.
To me, everything I write happened, and I have no regrets about anything. Besides that, there is no way of me doing anything about what happened.
Plus most of the people I knew then are either pushing up daisy's or also moved on.
So no one but my journal and wife know what happened.
There are times that I sort of recall something so refer to the journal to see if I have written about it in the past.
If I had, it's easily forgotten. If I haven't I journal it.
Somehow, on a re-read, the impact of what I wrote lessens everytime I read it WHICH I THINK is a good thing.

Enter this new therapist. "Nonsense! you writing a journal does nothing to moderate your flashbacks or nightmares."
Probably right as the flashbacks or nightmares still happen as they always have (and there is some pretty bad s*** in some of them).
Yet, it isn't all bad. I also wrote about the fun side, the nice bits in people, those little things we all recall.
Including my sketching memories and that's kinda calming on a re-read and somethings still make me laugh!.

Re-enter "know it all". STOP writing your journal! It's interfering with "my" processes!
WT*! So change your processes as it helps calm me!!!
I'm nothing special but I know me but, apparently, me isn't what he wants!
So he issues a threat. "Stop writing or find someone else".
Got to love the ESC key on my keyboard as it dumps the connection instantly. Took me ages to reprogram that trick into the Esc key.
Next day, an email. "Look we have to work on our communication as what I do is set down in our methodology to cure you".
WHAM! Instant BS warning.

My Reply. We both know you can't "cure" long standing PTSD just moderate the effects. Which is all I asked of you..
Over 30 plus years ago, the first "Psychologue" explained it as finding something that works for you to lessen the burden you are carrying.
Which made perfect sense to me, and his advice and methods worked, until earlier in this year when my health deteriated and everything flooded back.
I remind you that you have not taken a history so how exactly are you trying to "cure me" when you don't know what caused the illness.
His Reply? Still waiting.

So what now? Guess what, I journaled that and the other conversations as the stress the new "therapist" has caused me has supercharged what is upsetting me.
Not bad. It's only taken two sessions to P's me off completely as I don't go "arrogance" from any "I'm a professional" very well.

Next Stage? "Pass the phone book SWMBO, I need to find someone different who can help!"
An extreme response? Not really. I've got to have confidence in who I am talking to as mind games with a stranger is a minefield to cross without knowing what's buried underneath.
 
You’ll like these 2 links! 😎

The second link is best, but the first is quick


 
If you feel the way the therapist operates isn't for you, then trust your judgement of that and move on to finding a new one?

The way the therapist is articulating that, telling you directly not to write in a journal is very odd behaviour.

If the therapist was exploring with you the use of the journal (i.e what sprang to my mind was a seeming limit of emotional connection to what you expressed), and how it helps you to help develop that emotional connection, that's one thing. But to tell you directly to do or not do something, is bizarre.
And if it was effective, there would be no use for Ts in the first place!
 
To me, everything I write happened, and I have no regrets about anything. Besides that, there is no way of me doing anything about what happened.
Plus most of the people I knew then are either pushing up daisy's or also moved on.
after decades of journal keeping, this remains true for me on writing ^it^ out. inside my own skin, writing remains a logical process which i can no longer perform when i get emotional. what the journaling does for me is focus the issues. as my healing has progressed, i have come to realize just how sneaky repressed emotions can be. childhood anger repressed against unknown assailants can return at the most unexpected and illogical of times. it has little to nothing to do with the perpetrator. the wrtiting helps me focus the issues for later therapy work.
So he issues a threat. "Stop writing or find someone else".
i am a one-master bitch. i already have a HWMBO. i don't believe i could tolerate a SWMBO. i certainly wouldn't pay for the privilege of acquiring one.
 
Personally, journalling has changed my life in some ways. It also helps me achnowdge and ground myself in my thoughts and feelings and manage my emotion states. How very odd they don't want you to do it. Just because you are journaling doesn't mean you of course won't or can't do all the other things that will help you. Strange.
 
Enter this new therapist. "Nonsense! you writing a journal does nothing to moderate your flashbacks or nightmares."
Probably right as the flashbacks or nightmares still happen as they always have (and there is some pretty bad s*** in some of them).
Yet, it isn't all bad. I also wrote about the fun side, the nice bits in people, those little things we all recall.
Including my sketching memories and that's kinda calming on a re-read and somethings still make me laugh!.
Something that annoys me is when your (now former?) T implies that you are only allowed to keeps a journal if it manages your pstd symptoms. I mean it's nice if it does that but I do journaling simply because it gives me a narrative to my life. In the long run it probably helps to deal with trauma too but mostly it's about 'slices of life': good, bad and the banal. Someone keeps a diary, another draws and third makes a poem. It's about expressing oneself, not simply a symptom management method.
 
Enter this new therapist. "Nonsense! you writing a journal does nothing to moderate your flashbacks or nightmares."

For what it's worth, I've found journaling and other forms of self-help to be more helpful than therapists.

Hopefully you will laugh at this anecdote as I do: I once called a therapist to discuss treatment and so she asked me to outline my issue in a nutshell.

So I did. Then came her reply: "OH MY GOD!"

After the call I laughed at yet another predictable confirmation of professional incompetence, and didn't call her back. And now I'm largely recovered. Maybe learning not to rely on therapists was therapeutic.

Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in therapy for most people, and I am certain it has saved millions of lives. It's just not a panacea.
 
Last edited:
For what it's worth, I've found journaling and other forms of self-help to be more helpful than therapists.

Hopefully you will laugh at this anecdote as I do: I once called a therapist to discuss treatment and so she asked me to outline my issue in a nutshell.

So I did. Then came her reply: "OH MY GOD!"

After the call I laughed at yet another predictable confirmation of professional incompetence, and didn't call her back. And now I'm largely recovered. Maybe learning not to rely on therapists was therapeutic.

Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in therapy for most people, and I am certain it has saved millions of lives. It's just not a panacea.
I think counselors are helpful but I think they are meant to be like a cast to a broken leg. They give a sufferer support until they are able to support themselves again. Note a broken bone leaves often permanent signs to the healed bone. And life after recovery is probably stills entails the impact of the trauma. I am slowly realizing that the world will not be like it's used to. And I just need to accept that and incorporate the trauma within my new life.
 
I think counselors are helpful but I think they are meant to be like a cast to a broken leg. They give a sufferer support until they are able to support themselves again. Note a broken bone leaves often permanent signs to the healed bone. And life after recovery is probably stills entails the impact of the trauma. I am slowly realizing that the world will not be like it's used to. And I just need to accept that and incorporate the trauma within my new life.

Agreed, a good counsellor is there to help us become independent again. And there are many other things that help too, and we each find our own way.

You recently mentioned elsewhere: "I feel frustrated that meditation or deep breathing are almost always talked about main grounding mechanisms. And they are important but temporary escapism an be even more important sometimes"

Totally agree. I happen to have grown up with a mother who was in a well-documented cult that uses meditation as part of its brainwashing programme. The opposite of grounding: my observation of meditation is that it caused dissociation and pathological avoidance; the lack of self-awareness and fanaticism then resulted in criminal child abuse. It was pure "spiritual bypass" - a term that became extremely useful to my recovery from CPTSD, and maybe of use to you ICYMI.

One of the most terrifying daily childhood experiences was seeing my often affectionate and playful mother going off to meditate and coming back with something gone from her eyes; when she came back from week-long meditation residentials she was like a lobotomized zombie. To be clear, I am sure meditation can be used in generally positive ways - it's just that experience makes me very cautious.

Different things work for different people. For some people it's medication or religion (neither of which are for me, FWIW). Personally it is nature, exercise, dietary control (including alcohol reduction), professional and relationship change. Short term escapism includes travel, bike rides, going out and getting drunk and dancing to loud music with friends.

(Caveat: as we know there tends to be great danger in mixing trauma with alcohol; full disclosure I've lost friends who are now dead because of doing exactly that. Am one of the rare fortunate ones, both post-traumatic and in control of limited alcohol use, averaging about 1.5 bottles of wine per week, including the occasional binge, for the last decade.)
 
Last edited:
Totally agree. I happen to have grown up with a mother who was in a well-documented cult that uses meditation as part of its brainwashing programme. The opposite of grounding: my observation of meditation is that it caused dissociation and pathological avoidance; the lack of self-awareness and fanaticism then resulted in criminal child abuse. It was pure "spiritual bypass" - a term that became extremely useful to my recovery from CPTSD, and maybe of use to you ICYMI.
Sorry to hear about your experience with your mother :/. I think meditation can be sometimes used as a way to avoid painful things 'I need to stay mindful at this present and not engage with my thoughts' or as brainwashing 'thoughts are of the ego abd therefore bad'.

Personally I think that deep breathing and meditation can help me to withstand stressful situations until I am able to a) journal b) go to walk in the nature c) talk to someone d) read a book or watch a movie etc. @Applecore: It sounded good that you had a variety of different methods in your toolkit for handling stress
 

2025 Donation Goal

Help Keep MyPTSD Alive! Our annual donation goal is crucial to continue providing support. If you find value in our resource, please contribute to ensure we remain online and available for everyone who needs us.
Goal
$1,600.00
Received
$470.00
29%

Trending content

Featured content

Latest posts

Back
Top