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You Know You Have PTSD When...

When you're sitting in the living room with a cup of hot coffee and a good book and every time you look at the page to start reading someone in the room starts speaking to you. And you start to get annoyed. And every time you try to begin again they speak again.. and you can just feel your heart starting to pound and your muscles getting tense and you just want to start screaming.
 
When you feel tingling sensations all over your body and you start scratching yourself, thinking you must be paranoid.

When you go to sleep at 7am and realize that you havent slept at all.

When you wake up and look in the mirror and despise the way you look( dark bags/ thinning hair)...

When you cant stop writing because so many thoughts come to your head about how you know you have ptsd...
 
When the psychiatrist for the other side actually loses her fake smile when she asks you which sexual assault/rape was the worst, and I tell her that they all add up to make hell.

BUT, the most rage inducing, fist clenching, jaw gritting fact is that the intimacy that I was finally beginning to enjoy with my partner after years of abuse was ripped away from me, and for THAT, I would happily kill my attacker, because my partner is the only person in this world I truly care for, and that bastard has driven a wedge between us.

Yes, I would happily, slowly kill him.

Never seen a smile vanish so fast in my life.
 
I was finally beginning to enjoy with my partner after years of abuse was ripped away from me,

I can't be in a relationship due to that. I tried three times, failed four times. The fourth is because I'll be alone the rest of my life.

As for most of the reason you can tell you have ptsd, I thought they were only old age. But since you guys/gals aren't old, I guess I have to admit, it is the ptsd.

they all add up to make hell.

I agree 100%
 

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