Trusting People

[Abrasky]

I use to find it very hard to get close to people, similar to trusting people. I did get to a point where I could get close to people, although sporadically. I even got as brave as to reveal to all my friends that I had PTSD and was abused. I told my co-workers I had PTSD and they have been supportive as they know it isn't an issue and I work like everyone else. I haven't found that any of them have treated me very differently and have trusted me which is very empowering.

Sometimes you have to heal and reach a point where it will empower you to tell others. If you aren't ready, it can be better to take your time to heal. Trust should come easily or you aren't ready. Baby steps. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to tell people all the time, in hopes they would understand me. I no longer tell people. Most people do not understand. Trust takes along time to build. I would just go slow and see what develops. I wish you the best.

 

[FallenAngelJJD]

Thanks for all of your imputs ..gives me a lot to think about :)

 

[safenow]

If I do tell them, I just say I have some issues that sometimes make me do and think irrational things. But I never let them close enough to actually help.

Saffy, did that work for you? I think telling them something like that would cause them to look for those things and times. If you don't want them close enough to help, then please, don't tell them things that they can't understand. It only hurts you in the long run.

I told my co-workers I had PTSD and they have been supportive as they know it isn't an issue and I work like everyone else.

I'm happy for you. I finally learned that I could tell my co-workers. That way when something came up, I just pass them a note and say, "PTSD day." They would nod and mostly stay clear that day. LOL. Which is what I had told them to do.

Good luck, FallenAngel. It takes time to build up trust both giving and receiving. Sometimes, I've found that it's us who can't give others the trust they deserve rather than us receiving trust from them. We tend to scare them away so they can't 'hurt' us. We want to show them our worse, so the other stuff won't matter. But it doesn't work that way. We have to allow them to see a few little things before they would even want to be around for a bad thing. Or even a piddly thing. We need to know what helps on little things, so we can help them to learn how to help.

For example: I had a dear friend at work, who knew I have ptsd. She was close enough I even told her about my Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and hoped she would help there. But since I couldn't even help myself back then enough to tell others how to help me, she finally gave up. Since then, I've learned what helps me, so when I make friends, I give them certain things and ask them to carry them with them all the time. That way, should a certain thing happen, to pull it out and read it to me. When they do, I'm grounded within a minute or two. When they don't, it gets so bad at times they take me to a hospital since they don't know how to help. Where I end up in the mental unit for days or even weeks before someone gets it. Crazy isn't it?

safenow

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Hello (trying to keep this short),

I wish I could economize and relate that openess with regards to vulnerabilities reliably translates into humane acceptance from the first, although for myself the greatest possible discipline is required to parcel out small details so as not to overwhelm those without a comparably grim (yes - grim) life tale. I try if you will to afford those I encounter in especially close quarters enough theory with regards to the dynamic of P.T.S.D. to head off speculative and unkind chatter if I can, whereas sometimes it can help to introduce concepts short of affixing terms others could use as discriminatory currency (if such make sense). To quote Tommy Lee Jones from what I believe was the first Men In Black film, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it." For myself, it is terribly difficult to resist temptation that all felt insecurities might be washed away for some explusive wave of revelation that is almost never merited for circumstance. I fear that radical acceptance might just be a myth anyhow, but people are people.

Ask a hundred people if they know what P.T.S.D. is in a lecture hall and I suspect ninety people would nod in the affirmative, whereas the level of understanding (and frankly sophistication) melded with a humane orientation towards those so-impacted that comes from reading about the matter in detail, consulting professionals, being prompted to investigate for reasons related to the impact of traumas upon self or loved ones is demonstrably rare. Not fair this, but wide public understanding of anything so sensitive too is a myth. All relationships constitute work, whereas it is very common for pairs to form consisting of individuals with both acknowledged and unacknowledged trauma legacies to contend with. As a feeble echo of an ancient televised rental car agency advertisement, on the relationship front "We may not be number one, but we try harder!"; i.e. the possibly exists for our respective efforts to be self-aware, etc. the hope exists that such awareness could in time afford us interpersonal bonds of unusual depth and quality for the long absence of the same in our respective lives. Thanks...


M.

 

[safenow]

Small, close encounters allow one to share certain aspects of PTSD which enable most concerned to work or live together in relative harmony.

Living with a "not-so-good" man enabled me to teach him how to be kinder by treating him like I would a small child. His mother said he was a better man when he was with me. I ran for the hills when I learned what kind of man he really was. Some people are worth fighting for, others are not. In my opinion, we each have to decide what kind of person we want to be around. At work, we can ignore those whom we don't like. But at home, that is a different matter.

I'm not out to educate the world. I'm out to educate those whom I interact with, so I don't scare them. I'm out to educate myself so I can heal in a safe manner, and live in peace.

 

[saffy]

If you don't want them close enough to help,

Thanks safenow, I do actually want them close enough but either cannot get that connection or am not trusting enough.

For me, when I blow they know it sometimes I cannot control it, so a little pre warning helps. I should have made it more clear, sorry, but I only say this to people I think are more than just acquaintances. It is then I realise that that is all they are. So for me I am glad I did not disclose anything further.

discipline is required to parcel out small details so as not to overwhelm those without a comparably grim (yes - grim) life tale.

I think this is problem a lot share, how far to go with sharing, do they really need to know the ins and outs, the nitty gritty. I do not like talking about it, some of it I cannot tell it so it makes sense, even to me. I feel that they will not be interested in all the details, but to know that there is a possibility of me doing irrational things because of my past is enough. For now ;) For me it is not about what happened it is about changing how I think about myself now.

I have come to terms with what happened and have a good understanding of why now but the emotional side is harder to deal with.

I'm not out to educate the world. I'm out to educate those whom I interact with, so I don't scare them. I'm out to educate myself so I can heal in a safe manner, and live in peace.

Ditto, safenow :)

best wishes

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

I fear that radical acceptance might just be a myth anyhow, but people are people.

...my apologies, for I clearly had no understanding of the concept of 'radical acceptance' as I wrote this. Please disregard this aspect of my previous message. Kind regards to the community...

M.