What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[GreenFrog2]

I am feeling like a fool for pretending to be so together for so long

This is such a good description Annicus - I often feel foolish for pretending to be "so together" for so long - I knew that I was not, but by pretending I could get though each day was the only way that I could actually get through each day!

Now I can see so clearly how damaged I was, and how this pretense has harmed me so very much - sometimes I still wish that I have done a "better job" of coping, but now I just accept that I was far more damaged than I could recognize at the time.

I am feeling like I need to accept what happened to me and grow from it rather than hide beneath it.

Again you have hit the nail on the head - accept and grow from it. I am learning to remove the protective shield that holds all of my warped thinking and behavior. It is a terrifying, shaming and exhausting process - but I believe that it is the only way that I will be able to recover and live a healthy life.

I have made some progress with this - my shield used to be a solid iron like wall that I wrapped over myself - now it is more like an old blanket that is falling apart into tatters. I can visualize myself with it wrapped around me and can see bits of it falling away. At the moment I can see my face / head and the outline of my body - I am hoping that by the end of this year the blanket will be gone and I will be pretty healthy / most of the time! AND have the tools to deal with the horror monsters when they come back to haunt me!

Take care of yourself on your journey :hug: (if you accept them) GF.

 

[intothelight]

Uhhh...can't sleep. Have to face the task tomorrow of finding new health insurance. The renewal premium for our family coverage is not affordable with me on the policy. I am going to have to break my coverage out, and am not sure where to go. Just to get coverage in the high risk state plan will be $800 a month just for me. Even then, with the deductibles and co-insurance the financial situation just gets bleaker.

Seriously considering not doing a biopsy in two weeks and just letting them base the decisions on blood work. We can handle another 4 thousand out of pocket just for one test. Really frustrating when you are considering playing Russian Roulette with cancer treatments.

Sad thing is I already have tried to minimize biopsy costs by doing them without sedation, in the oncologists office and waving the genetic analysis. Wish I could shop labs, but that isn't possible as they can only use labs they are contracted with.

Just tired of struggling with trying to treat, recover and keep our heads above water. :mad:

 

[StarChild]

Hello intothelight

There's not much I can say... Maybe just that I can empathize your feelings of this bad situation and that I will surely think of it. You're not alone with this, there are caring people, caring hearts. You're precious, and so is your life (Despite all actuarial tables!).

I hope that you can find some rest and good sleep. May I offer you a gentle hug?..

Take care of you.

 

[Ricanoland]

I feel like I am playing tag with the echos in my mind.

 

[ms spock]

Uncertain

 

[MagiLisu]

Like I am now stuck between and rock and a hard place.

Not idea what constructive things I can actually do but right now I have decided to what everyone else around me seems to be doing and look after number one.

 

[Britt.f7]

Tired from doing so much yesterday. Very unmotivated, but I have things I must do and that involves leaving the house.

 

[Annicus]

Today I feel like I'm wandering through a valley of smoke and mirrors.

I feel like I've denied my feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, betrayal and worthlessness for so long. I no longer how how to react without blowing up.

I feel like I'm losing my wife to my inability to overcome this monster I've created to keep myself safe.

 

[cookinggal]

Today I feel Lost
Confused
Annoyed at the little Arguments
Angry
Like my boyfriend doesn't try to understand me

 

[MagiLisu]

:)I have some wonderful news, so quite overjoyed

 

[amethist]

Feeling that all the paper work for hubby's benefits was worth the hassle.

He has been granted it for another 5 years.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am feeling so bad for the many people here suffering. I will send you good thoughts and warm hugs if you want. I feel selfish for feeling bad when others are worse off.

I am feeling tired, sick, dissociated, unmotivated, scared, and I just want to get off the merry-go-round. I want to be stable but I'm so tired from being sick, my increasing back pain and the medical bills that I have no energy to care about working on PTSD. I feel like I'm failing my therapist, but I just can't try right now.