Dealing With Back Stabbing People

[endlessocean]

I am not sure if I am paranoid, sometimes. I have two friends from school that I considered pretty close friends. They both have problems talking about people, and I tried my absolute hardest to keep my personal information to myself. I then became closer with one of them and trusted her with some information. I am now wishing I hadn't done that.

I am not sure if I am being paranoid or not, but I think she and the other friend are playing little games with me. The real reason I am posting is because I am really devastated that I may lose my only two friends from school. I feel like I am so good to people. I am so understanding and kind, and I never receive the same treatment in kind.

It really does bother me, and I am also scared that I am being paranoid. I have no viable proof that they are conspiring with each other, but I'm pretty sure. I guess I am just in grief, and also questioning myself when I shouldn't be. I now have to proceed to the not talking to them phase, and I am worried they will retaliate.

I just feel so alone in the world. It is so hard to find people that can be trusted, especially since I have these mental disorders that I deal with. I am even having a hard time with my relationship with my therapist. I feel she doesn't understand my PTSD either. I feel that I may be paranoid because of the medication I am taking, and I don't want to ruin friendships or feel this way for no reason. This is terribly hard on me.

I suppose I am looking to see if anyone as had experiences like this, and to know what you did about it if you did.

 

[Philippa]

Oh yeah. I have it with my father AND my mother. They speak about me behind my back all the time...well, they did when I used to be in contact with them. I got so sick of dealing with their crap, this being but one of the ugly manifestations of their personalities, that I just thought "it isn't worth it". I don't want these people for friends...who would? I wouldn't put up with it from friends, so why should it be any different just because they raised me?

My father has some weird competitive crap going on with me and a cousin...or at least he has been trying to pit me against my cousin to get me to compete with him...but I'm not interested in being like my cousin. I could give a crap about being a millionaire via Amway. It went on for years, and when I last saw my cousin he started digging in at me about being on centrelink benefits, which he could only have found out from my father telling him, no doubt with a disgusted and disappointed edge to his tone, since he hates "bludgers". What he failed to get is that I was suicidally depressed from PTSD and clinical depression at the time, and couldn't work even if I wanted to. I couldn't even smile and all my father could talk about was me getting a job, since that is the most important thing in life!

So I had this millionaire cousin taking pot shots at me based on my fathers backstabbing, without knowing the full story, or caring to know...and my mother pitting both my brothers against me over stuff that happened 8 years before, that was between me and her and for which I had already apologized!

And they wonder why I gave them both the finger and haven't spoken to them in a year.

 

[jmni]

I am not sure if I am being paranoid or not, but I think she and the other friend are playing little games with me ... It is so hard to find people that can be trusted, especially since I have these mental disorders that I deal with.

If I am experiencing a lot of anxiety because I am somewhat desensitized from the trauma in my head and my own demons these kinds of situations can be difficult because I am not attentive. I think if you sense they are playing games with you then you are probably right. They could just be mean or catty or they could be worse than that.

In reality there are tons of people who do catty things constantly and live that way all the time. There is the rhyme 'birds of a feather ...' you have to chose the kind of friends that you want to have. I think if you engage in "the game" you may unwittingly enter that kind of society and you have to make the decision if you want it or not. Even if you are needy, you don't need them. Making/having friends is a matter of choice and attitude and you should have friends that help you feel good not make you feel bad. Losing friends can be terrible but it is part of life and it never goes away anyway. But you should always allow yourself to the privilege to walk away from people whenever you want. If you have been through worse than this you certainly know you can rise above something this insignificant.

I doubt what you confessed is really a serious issue or a matter of life and death. If you demonstrate that you don't care about them, the game, or the imaginary "power" they feel that they have over you because of this information, then you win "the game."

 

[saffy]

I always learn never to tell anything that you do not want gossiped about to people who gossip. It is in their nature to gossip about other people for a various reasons.

I always go with instinct, not paranoia, that if a person can sit a talk about someone else without a thought then they will as easily talk about me in the same way.

It is about learning about human behaviour.

Gossips are gossips and normally have nothing interesting to talk about if it does not include someone else's business and what their opinion is of it.

I get bored very quickly with gossips as I have no interest in what they have to say about other people. They are also normally very shallow and judgemental.

There are many many people in the school other than these two gossips. Break away from them now and try to work on your own self esteem, confidence and assertiveness. There are lots of self help stuff on the internet that will guide you and show you why these are important as lifeskills.

With these skills you will make many more proper friends who will be better friends to you. Get rid of these two.

Good luck and best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Philippa]

Yes, I am the same saffy. If someone speaks to me about another person it is usually a good indication that they will also be talking about me to someone else, so it's best not to give them anything to talk about. They can speculate to their hearts content.

 

[endlessocean]

Thanks all, it is the fact that the one talks about the other that makes me feel so paranoid in the first place. I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut. It is not that big of a deal though, I can just pull back a bit. This is what people with normal boundaries do. I think I can manage that!