Triggered By A Friend Posting Underage Porn, By Avoidance Behavior, And By Authority Figures

[wyrd_dragon]

I'm not sure if this belongs here or under flashbacks and I can't find a 'triggers' section. I have a lot of trouble navigating websites. I decided to put it here as I'm practically having a panic attack because I'm afraid the mods will get mad at me.

I'm triggered by the thought of authority figures being upset with me, or of bad consequences from authority figures. It's stupid because the mods here are nice. But every time I go to post I'm terrified I'll get something wrong and be banned. I'm afraid I'm not being active enough to warrant support, but I find coming on here so hard still that it's a huge uphill battle.

Today a friend of mine posted an underage-looking sexualized image (for the second time this month). It was of a pre-pubescant looking girl in an implied sexual situation with a very large adult man, and reminded me very much of my own trauma. I'm sickened and upset and very confused.

This girl is a feminist, a rape and abuse victim who is diagnosed PTSD, is very invested in other people being careful of her triggers, and very invested in matters of consent and metal health.

She's a close friend, knows I follow her blog, and knows my triggers.

This is someone with her own triggers. We've had issues lately because she is triggered by criticism or 'being told off'. I recently discovered she hadn't spoken to me in months because she felt 'unsafe' around me because I drew boundaries with her in a stressful situation for me. For what it's worth, she knows this is her trigger and not rational. But she does pretty much insist that she has her triggers respected and there are major consequences if she feels threatened.

However, I am triggered by lack of communication/lack of conflict resolution/silence. I recently spent 24 hours in major anxiety because she was too confronted to reply to my efforts to communicate, and with this latest issue now coming up I know I'm not likely to get any resolution anytime soon.

I've remained calm and reasonable in our communication. The way I talk here is not the way I talk to her. I've been careful to be understanding and supportive, polite and reassuring. I'm making a huge effort not to let my stuff effect others.

But my stuff is effecting me. Last Wednesday, when I had to wait 24 hours for a reply, my fibromyalgia and CFS flared up so badly I was in serious pain and unable to function until today (it's Tuesday the next week).

Today, surprise underage porn, more having to confront bad communication, more expecting lack of communication. I just... I don't even know what I'm saying. I just had to get it out. I'm doing all the right things, but that doesn't help me

 

[BloomInWinter]

Protect yourself. Report the suspected underage porn because if you don't, and she gets caught, the server will have a record of you visiting that site. ...and you could find law enforcement at your door.

My hubby handles such investigations and tells people this all the time.

 

[winterose]

Uh Yeah, report. She is aiding in a crime by doing that crap. Then I'd block her. Having triggers, being a survivor etc, doesn't give anyone the right to post criminal stuff. And I would seriously doubt her own agenda's by doing so.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

Report the suspected underage porn.

Good point. The last incident was a drawing and not photography, so I didn't think reporting would go anywhere. However, this is photography so the site may have a mechanism for reporting this content.

I've sent an e-mail (I couldn't find specific content reporting on their help section) and will see what eventuates. Thanks, was so fogged out I probably wouldn't have thought of it.

 

[winterose]

I am not sure where you live, if it is the US, each state has an Internet Crimes Against Children task force. Or ICAC for short. I would report it to law enforcement mainly because, the possibility of this photo's, if it is an underage child, is supporting a predator. And there is a child victim needing help, now.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'm not sure if this belongs here or under flashbacks and I can't find a 'triggers' section.

I think this forum is fine. :)

I'm triggered by the thought of authority figures being upset with me, or of bad consequences from authority figures.

I'm sorry. Have you ever talked to someone about that? I used to be more like that too but as my mental health improved so did my assertiveness. It takes work but it is possible to move on from.

However, I am triggered by lack of communication/lack of conflict resolution/silence.

What would you like to say to her? I ask because it might help you to talk about it more here. The fact that it bothered you for 24 hours and caused you pain worries me.

BloominWinter is right...Protect yourself. :)

 

[wyrd_dragon]

I would report it to law enforcement... there is a child victim needing help, now.

*puts head in hands* I know...

I'm in Australia

The laws are laughable here -- (though Tumblr is NY based and maybe under USA jurisdiction...)

I was abused systematically for 10 years by an Organized Pedophile Ring who are all still at large here in Melbourne, and am desperately trying to escape to the USA because I'm dual national on my Mom's side.

The last time I contacted the police here I received threatening and stalking calls from policemen who were involved in the Organized Pedophile Ring. they have found out my name, address, and phone number multiple times and stalked me.

Aside from that, there's trick-some issues because she may have taken it down (because I emailed her to bring it up). The photo is 'apparently' underage (pre-teen perhaps) looking, and therefore I know people are going to view it as grey area. It's re-blogged from another person and then thousands of other people.

I've checked and Tumblr has a firm policy against pictures of underage persons in sexualized situations, so reporting it to them will at least get the pics removed and the members possibly banned.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

Have you ever talked to someone about that?

Yeah... I know it's silly. You mods are so awesome. It's a major major thing and I really do try to be assertive in my life but it's hard not to be terrified of reprimand. I do keep working on it it therapy, however.

What would you like to say to her?

Oh... blergh so many things. Last week it was more 'waiting for a response' that was the issue. I suppose it ties into the fear of reprimand thing. And the fact that non-responsiveness cues panic in me. Both my abusers and my later abusive partners were silent and unpredictable. Both used silence and withdrawal to punish me.

Now? If I were just talking instead of being so careful to be understanding?

Why? How could you do this when you are so adamant that people are careful of your triggers? Why don't I matter? What about how I feel?

Ugh, now I just sound whiney. I just can't stand unresolved conflict. It's agonizing.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

I'm so glad you're here; some great advice is always hovering here in the forum to help us out.

Ugh. I'm so sickened to hear about the policemen's response to what you went through.

Definately protect yourself. Though your friend might well be a survivor, you are at a place in your healing process that is beyond where your friend's is. Keep your progress going. When your friend is more committed to healthier behaviors, then, maybe, that would be the better time to continue the friendship in a mutually (underscore "mutually") healthy way.

Thanks for posting this. I've learned a lot from the advice here for what I should do in case I come across this sort of thing.

 

[winterose]

The Australian Federal Police works with the Virtual Global Taskforce. If it's a NY based server, then Australia Police will alert the New York based Internet Against Children's Taskforce.

I was abused systematically for 10 years by an Organized Pedophile Ring who are all still at large here in Melbourne, and am desperately trying to escape to the USA because I'm dual national on my Mom's side

I am sorry you went through this. I went through something similar. It's ok to break off contact with those who don't respect your boundaries. It's ok to draw lines and say enough is enough. I found many here who will talk to you. Sit with you etc. And almost everyone here, I see are very careful on trying NOT to trigger another. I agree with what SweetPea said, until she can give the same respect, is able to communicate in healthier ways, wish her well and protect your own mental health.

 

[anthony]

I have removed identifying information from your first post. Please DO NOT post identifying information about another person, which includes pointing people towards social networking accounts, as it can have legal implications for you, and this forum.

[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/pages/help-legal/"]Legal policy for use of PTSD Forum[/DLMURL], point 2, sub-point 8, you will not: Defame, abuse, harass, stalk, threaten or otherwise violate the legal rights (such as rights of privacy and publicity) of others.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

I have removed identifying information from your first post... includes social networking accounts...violate the legal rights (such as rights of privacy and publicity)[/b] of others.

I am sorry. I have read your legal policies and believed I was acting within the laws stated, as the social networking site I mentioned is a public platform, and usernames and the contents of all accounts are not password restricted and viewable by anyone. Therefore I assumed they could be considered public. I regret that I misunderstood this law as regards privacy and publicity, and this was truly an attempt to adhere to your policy that was unfortunately unsuccessful.