Sufferer Hi Everyone :) Here To Learn, Especially About Startle Reflex

[love2readbooks]

I am new, and not sure if this is really something I can do, but I will try. I am here because I need to find people that I can relate to. I was divorced by my husband of 20+ years, just 2 days ago. It was a long time coming, because he required more love than I was capable of giving (I still love him and was faithful to him).

I believe that I will never be able to marry again, and will probably grow old alone. I guess this shouldn’t come as a surprise to me, as I have always had a difficult time relating to people, even as a child. But it still hurts when I stop to consider it.

After the big PTSD event in my early 20s the struggle worsened. I earned a degree in education, but realized that I couldn’t deal with the constant stimulation of teaching and decided to go back to school to be a librarian. I have a pleasant demeanor and work well with the library patrons, however even this job can be difficult from the PTSD perspective.

I have been reading some posts about startle reflex, and it is one of the more embarrassing things that I deal with at work. My boss is very quiet and will accidentally “sneak up” on me and I go through the roof, and the other library staff will laugh at me, and I struggle to fight back tears of embarassment. Thankfully he is a good man and doesn't do it on purpose, it is the other employees' reactions that hurt.

I love animals, and have been a vegegarian for about 4 years. I most content when I am alone. I look forward to learning something about you all, PTSD and myself.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Welcome to the forum love2readbooks.

 

[Cufflinks]

Welcome to the forum.

I have no doubt that you will get plenty of very sound advice here and it's a great place to let off steam.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome! Looking for help, asking for help, are necessary in the fight to heal.

I also have been single for 18 years, and like it that way. I'm in charge of my life and surroundings. I was married 4 times in 11 years. I realized the common denominator was ME. So, I learned I don't NEED anyone else to make me feel validated.

Best of luck & blessings,
AKJ

 

[LhasaLover]

I just joined and I find myself drawn back to the forum. Always nice new people popping up. Honestly, it's a huge validation that this forum exists and to see all the bright witty intelligent and insightful people participating. Depression often comes with PTSD, so know that your thoughts of dread and predicting a terrible future very well may not be a reality. I just found out a woman I most admire who is quite older is talking about getting married to her significant other. It's the negative self-talk...

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Cufflinks]

I have been reading some posts about startle reflex, and it is one of the more embarrassing things that I deal with at work. My boss is very quiet and will accidentally “sneak up” on me and I go through the roof, and the other library staff will laugh at me, and I struggle to fight back tears of embarrassment. Thankfully he is a good man and doesn't do it on purpose, it is the other employees' reactions that hurt.

Have you spoken to your boss about this?
Most employers would take a very harsh view on this as it is effectively bullying in the workplace although possibly unwitting.

I also have a similar reaction to sudden bangs etc. It's not pleasant. I can remember lying in the street with my arms over my head because somebody dropped some scaffolding and I thought I was under fire!

Treatment does help. The noises still startle me but the reactions are "toned down" these days.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Love2readbooks,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

You did a great job with your introductory post, and I believe you will find this site an easy place to connect with others as we all can relate to the idiosyncrasies of life with PTSD. The forum also has great information and the support of the members is invaluable as you work on healing.

There is also a book club for those who like to read. It might be something you would be interested in.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[love2readbooks]

Cufflinks, I just want to clarify something...the people that I work with do not know about the PTSD. I can't tell them. My boss is a really nice guy, and the others are in the dark about my condition and I guess they just think I am "funny". I will just have to put up with it because I refuse to tell them about my situation. Thank you for the caring advice.

 

[LhasaLover]

Love2readbooks,

You could always just explain that they are 1) Making you even more jumpy 2) Distracting you from work!

You don't have to get into the whole PTSD thing. In fact, I rarely do, no one seems to understand it anyhow!

Take care!!!

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Welcome to the forum,

I've had the same rough experience to the extent of working as a librarian and evidencing an exaggerated startle reflect/response. In particular and likely facilitated by longstanding dissociative habits, if I allow myself to read materials of deep personal import on the desk it seems I enter an almost trance-like state that accentuates just how abruptly I'll react to 'intrusions' manifest as patrons or staff desiring my attention. To be a librarian on a reference desk is to occupy a spot wholly devoid of privacy. Most times one can wing it, but at other times the experience is akin to being on stage with departmental chatter present everywhere.

As related by Cufflinks above, those who would prey upon this vulnerability are engaging in a form of workplace bullying and nothing less. One wouldn't discharge a weapon unannounced in the presence of a multi-tour combat veteran, whereas if I notice others who react in like-fashion to prods to the extent of telegraphing that they fear for their personal safety, sensitive and astute people will know as much as to recognize this as a discreet abuse history telltale.

Bullies much to my regret are quite adept at sensing this too. They know a low-risk target when they see or sense one; i.e. a person evidencing a somewhat diminished capability to defend self, someone evidencing fatigue even when matters seem 'light'. Your circumstance also hints at a certain expression of gender discrimination akin to what women might endure within staid office environments of the 1950's - I'm so sorry for this. Start recording when it happens and keep a log. Don't imagine you can simply brush it off, whereas without some reasoned record those looking for a kick will gain and retain the upper hand.

Though just a scattering of ideas without any that might strictly alleviate what is a deeply-rooted predisposition to respond to threat, here would be a few ideas to afford you that had I been sharper, perhaps I too would have employed. Perhaps purchase a small mirror - one of those round automotive application inserts that people glue into their side view mirrors to basically betray the presence of whomever or whatever lurks. Maybe this could be kept and positioned discreetly, with no mention of it made lest ridicule be invited (ask me how I know)? An extra chair or obstacles that would have to be moved to close the distance between one who seeks your attention might help too. Hearing a chair roll or scrub the floor, or leaving materials near the edge of tables and such where they might be predictably brushed by others is similarly discreet and in keeping with revealing the presence of those who would desire to catch you unaware. Though desired, not everyone can reorder their workspace to afford themselves clear sight lines, but some things can strengthen the defenses even if little can be done inside ourselves to diminish a certain predisposition, a certain reactivity. Be well...

M.