My Daughter Got Beat Up By Her Husband Last Night While She Was Asleep

[Eleanor]

My T sent me the link to this video - which is both HILARIOUS and helpful. On the "STOP THAT" point. Perhaps you could watch it a few time and have Bob's voice in your head as an "Interrupt". Enjoy!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

anni, I used to dye my own hair along time ago. Now I go to have it done for some pampering. I found a woman I like quite alot and she does a very good job.

Today my husband is out of it. He is worrying about the money he saved, one thousand dollars and put it in a place where he could not find it. Now he is carrying it around. I worry he will lose it again. His memory is shot today. He is not doing well today and I find I am so impatient with him. I hate it when he worries about the money. Try as I want to, he does not comprehend what I am saying. He is putting the cash someplace else now.

Luckily for me I have to wait until my daughter comes over, and he brushes his teeth and takes a shower. I so wanted to stay home and just relax today, but he is convinced that someone is going to come into our house and steal it.

He is grouchy because he thinks I am not helping him. He is really out of it. He put the money away and then he said in one second that he lost it. I hate it when he has delusions and is paranoid. Please excuse the vent. I am tired of going to the bank because he is confused. He wants it done that certain way which is unreasonable. He once falsely accused me of writing a check for twenty five thousand dollars so I took him to the bank and got a balance and that made no difference at all.

He can become so stubborn. He wants to go to the bank right now. I hate it when he worries about money. He has little trust in me. I wish he would just leave me be to handle the finances. I do not need this aggravation on top of everything else. He has this idea that I should just drop whatever I am doing to help him.

He is really confused today. I hope this is the only speed bump in out life today.

I am getting upset about the court date. I imagine and guess that he is going to plead not guilty in the hopes of getting his guns back. He has a slimeball for an attorney, I am glad the DA thinks they have a case to pursue this one.

Thank you so much for your support to me. I so appreciate your common sense approach. I know he is behaving in order to get his guns back. He does not want to go back to jail. It would take a miracle for him to plead guilty. The DA has evidence and a witness statement and my daughter to testify just in case. She does not know if she will have to go to court.

I do not know what he will do if his guns are destroyed. He is so focused on getting them back. Shows me he can control himself if he wants something bad enough. But I have to wonder about his attorneys attempts to pressure my daughter into dropping the restraining order. They really want that. Well wanting and getting are different things.

I hate and loathe this liar with his Mr. Clean persona.

I am afraid they will try to destroy my daughters character in the courtroom. Yes I am what iffing. I know I should not be doing this.

Happily, my husband took a break and is brushing his teeth now. Then he will take a shower. I wonder what he will say to the bank teller. It is so embarrassing the things he says and does. It does not have anything to do with me. Big hugs anni.


Thank you Eleanor I could not figure out how to access the video. Thank you for it though. I so appreciate the attempt to inject some humor in the situation.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Gizmo,

It is good to vent! I imagine you need to! It must be very trying.

I guess the truth is that it is him that he does not trust and he is deflecting that lack of control and trust onto you as the alternative is to realise he is loosing his mind and that obviously feels intolerable. I guess thats why reassuring him the money is there doesnt work. Its probably not the money that he is really worried about and rather his loosing control and his grip on reality.

Lets hope the everyone will see through your daughters soon to be ex. One baby step at a time will get us there every time.

Sending you support.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Abstract, thank you for the reminder that it is the fact that he is losing control and his grip on reality that is really upsetting him.

He finally calmned down thankfully. He is so hopeful whenever he goes to see a doctor because he is desperate for a cure and he has not yet accepted that his condition is permanent and he can only go downhill from here.

He is being stubborn about not wanting a walker or a cane which he needs. He fell the other day and luckily did not get hurt. He fell again today. He is getting really wobbly on his feet. He used to have exceptional balance. I was the one that had balance problems.

As for my daughters husband baby steps will have to be it. I hope others see through him. He is so interntly focused on getting his guns back.

I think he is obsessed about that. I need to remember to breath and not stress. Thank you for your support.

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo, I don't know how you do it. Truly. It must be very trying.

I hate the gun issue. :( Lets hope that all will see is the last person to safely own a weapon.

 

[anni]

Yes, well it doesn't seem like he would be going to trial at all if he were going to plea not guilty. He'd just do that thing where everyone whines about yes, he did DO that, but look at all the factors involved, he's a peach of a fellow, please Mr. Judge, go easy, he just wants to go home and prepare his Sunday School lesson for this week. I'm a little curious about whatever it is which the D.A. sees in this case which interests that office in the first place. I would have to think allll the sleezebucket attornys are awfully well-known to the main office, for one thing and for another I'll bet they are not in the habit of losing cases like THIS to them. It's a REALLY, really dumb case for an attorney to insist on trial over. The sleezebucket must have an ego the size of New Jersey to think it's OK to annoy the court like this before he has a chance to offer any evidence.

Yes, they will try to make your daughter look awful, I'm sorry, Gizmo. It's the unfortunate way it is. You might as well be ready for it, you know? I didn't say it would be allowed, but those sleezebuckets figure if they can just get the WORDS in front of a jury, the damage will have been done. It isn't true of course. Jurys are just not stupid, if this thing has to go to trial it's nothing but good, good, GOOD news for you because unless it's composed entirely of wife-beaters, he really had dug his own jail cell here.

And if he wanted to keep his guns he shouldn't have smacked his wife around, bottom line. What he's doing now just proves that he's big, fat, indulged spoiled person whom no one ever said 'no' to, which weakened his character horribly. By violence and manipulation, this guy figures he can now have anythinggggg he wants, play the system and people in any fashion equired to come up HIS way. Prison is full of folks like him, and they're still at it in there, too. Guns are awfully scary things to have in the mix, I'm sorry. The thing is, he can yell and scream and kick all he wants, at a certain point he has zero power beyond just words. I'm sorry it feels terrifying. I've been there, too. For what it's worth,I 'think' there's a certain class of scumbag which is far too self-absorbed to go ahead and become a true headline-making 'kook', if you know what I mean. This guy? I could of couse be wrong but he sounds to me like one of these, who might talk a good game privately but who would chew off an arm rather than do one thing which would make him look poorly to others ( publically ).

I'm sorry your husband has had some frustrating moments, must be some proverbial straws, huh? Dad's disease, towards the end, robbed him of some of his reasoning power and he did the same thing sometimes where he'd get ON to something you could NOT get him off of. It didn't matter how far away from the subject you'd distract him, he'd always come right back to it, bam! Made us crazy, poor guy. I think the worst thing about the brain diseases would be that thing where we keep hoping they please, please make sense? Maybe you're past that part, I know I never got past it myself, always kept getting stuck in trying to relate to Dad in those moments like he was still ok. It's just so wierd, the same person talking to you but not really him sometimes.

Ok, well, now will shush and just say Happy Easter. :) Starting to miss Dad which will mean today won't be Happy for anybody here! :)

Take care, ((((((Gizmo))))))

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Abstract, I try to take it one day at a time. My husband is very sluggish this morning. But he has something to look forward to, we will take our easter baskets for the girls and go over to their house.

So far my husband has not gone off on a tangent today yet. I hope he will be clear minded today. He is fixing is breakfast right now, and that is a good sign because he did not ask me to make it.

I am with you. I hope the jury sees he is not one who can handle gun ownership. Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it so much, it keeps me going in all of this crises.

anni, I hate that he turned down the plea deal. I hate that his lawyer will try to destroy my daughters character. I agree that my daughters husband has a huge ego. He is so fixated on getting his guns back. It seems that this is all he cares about.

The trial will be ugly and I am so sorry for that. My daughter is very strong and I think she can handle it. She has the DA defending her so she will not incur court costs I do not think.

I just feel sick to my stomach that all he really cares about is getting his guns back. Should he go to jail, and have his guns destroyed, I think he will smap.

I am really praying that my daughter will get a permanent restraining order on the eighth of April. We have done all we could do. We have statements and evidence the pictures of his hands.

He is showing his true colors now. I am so glad she is getting a divorce. I do not know what is happening with that right now. They will have to go to mediation to seperate the things they own.

He has a big fat head and I know he is digging a big hole for himself. Let us suppose he goes to jail and his precious guns are destroyed. He will lose his job, he will most likely be dishonorably discharged from the army reserves.

I am surely not looking forward to a trial. But we are strong and we will get through it. I hate how they will go after my daughter to destroy her.

I am just so relieved and glad that the DA is handling this one. I have hopes in the DA.

I hope her husband loses big time. All he has is lies. The DA has evidence. I have to hope in that.

Her husband was silent about how his hands got so red. That was not in the police report.

I am so very sorry that you are missing your dad and your holiday will be a painful day. I am sending you hugs and healing energy and hope that you will remember the good memeories with him. Doing this keeps me going with my husband..

I just feel so sick over the fact that he wants to go to trial. We are going to need alot of miracles.

 

[Eleanor]

He has little trust in me.

Be careful how you say this Gizmo - this way feels kind of "guilt inducing" to me. I expect that he doesn't have any TRUST, and you are just the nearest object to express it about. Bottom line: It is not about you. Not in the least. It has no foundation in reality - it is all in his poor head. :cry: Guessing: has he always had trust issues? Or is this new?

If you search "Bob Newhart" and "Shut up" on google, it should give you a link to the youtube video....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for saying that Eleanor. He has always had trust issues and he does not trust. You are right. It is all in his head and I am the closest target. So it gets dumped on me. I need to remember that it is all in his head.

Yesterday we had a family gathering at my daughters house and my husband smiled the whole time. His two daughters lavished love and care on him. My stepdaughter has MS and she uses a cane. She got him to try it out and he was doing it. He needs to have a cane or a walker.

Now more for the ongoing soap opera that has become our lives with the daughters husband. She is not in compliance because he has been unable to pick up his stuff. She does not want him to have access to the ammunition. I saw it and there is a ton of it. He has a machine that makes bullets.

His attorney called her attorney five times and wants my daughter to take his stuff to her lawyers office for him to pick up. She cannot do this, she does not have the room in her car and she does not have the gas to be making the long drive back and forth so she is trying to make other arrangements for him to pick up his stuff. She does not want him in the house..

I hope some other arrangement can be done. She is supposed to do it today. She does not want him to come over when the girls are home.

He is not going for the plea deal. He is trying to save his job and his spot in the army reserves.

My daughter found some paperwork with 401K withdrawels and he always told her that they did not have any money. He has a secret life and has been hiding much.

I am very sad that he is going to drag this out. What a jerk.

A wonderful easter at my daughters house. My stepdaughter and her husband were there to surprise us. Both the girls took me aside and lavished me with praise and compliments and said I broke the cycle of victimization. i was just so overwhelmned by the both of the. I wish I had a tape tecording of all they said to me to listen to over and over again.

My husband had a smile on his face the whole time. They lavished him with love and tender loving care. My stepdaughter and her husband are coming over today to visit us here. He is really looking forward to that. I feel so loved and appreciated.

 

[Eleanor]

Some days, the good guys win Gizmo! There was a lot of perfect to be found in today.

 

[anni]

Oh my. Well there's nothing your daughter's lawyer will like better than following his secret money trail, and be SURE he will share the info with the D.A. . My toes are curling with delight, both for the pants around the ankles ( after being yanked down in public ) and for what promises to be some kind of windfall for your daughter in the divorce. As tough as it is with your nervous system cruising so close to the surface, please try not to view this as a personal outrage. It kind of IS, but for one thing it's towards your daughter ( who whew, takes on her own battles nicely, do NOT wish to meet her in any figurative dark alleys! and for another, well, he just lost his little hoard. Oops.

I 'think' one of the things which I found helpful, and still do, is to envision a 'what if' inclusive of all the outcomes, many 'what if's', and then claim MY place in all of them. It does not always work but it helps more than you'd think. So WHAT if 100% of them feature this feminine hygiene product being 'mad'? How dare he? This is, in fact, YOUR life, and your daughter's, and your family's, how dare he intrude on it in such a distruptive manner anyway? If he's in jail, for instance, what on earth is 'mad' going to do to you, hurt your feelings? Ouch, huh? If he doesn't go to prison, there are ways in your case to de-terrify these awful bullies, especially since the DA has taken a personal interest for some reason. I'm so, so, so tired of other people kind of running my life through their manipulative and implied threats of all varities. I'd just gotten rid of mine, now appear to have picked up someone else's controlling bag of smelly chemicals. You're in the same position, a lot more clearly than I am, and it's kind of time to just plain refuse them as much of our adrenaline as we can. Yes, I realize 'as we can ' would be key, since it's all a ton easier said than done.

Look at his attempted schmearing of your daughter's character this way. When it happens, in open court, by the kind of individuals who spew this nonsense, it really, really WILL outrage both the jury and the witnesses. Seriously. That whole perspective where lawyers are supposed to be awfully careful about who they beat up on the witness stand and in general is extremely true. This will absolutely backfire, no fear, so the more decayed the garbage they throw her way, the better, really. It all just makes me even more convinced that his lawyer in merely going through the motions in order to bill maximum hours.

I never heard of anyone having to bring property to a lawyer's office, that really shouldn't be too tough to counter for her attorney? If she does, I'm sure anything concerning weaponry she can leave out, with confidence, on the grounds that he is still disallowed guns. Maybe putting this question to the DA would get some movement and a call from that office to his lawyer, shush the slimebucket on that worry for your daughter at least.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Eleanor, thank you so much for the encouragement and the hope. I will keep on trying to hang onto the hope.

I think he is fighting not to be convicted of a felony to keep his job and to stay in the army reserves. He has all kinds of money stashed away and he will have to use it for the trial.

anni, my daughter called her attorney and told her she could not afford to make trips back and forth with his stuff so they will have to make other arrangements. He has a big truck and can make one stop to pick up all of his stuff.

Her sister is helping her to pack up all of his stuff. I do not know about the ammo though. He is not supposed to have anything like that for now.

I hate to see his scumbag of a attorney try to destroy her character. They do not have any proof only his words. I would like to take a baseball bat to this slimeball.

So he has chosen a trial. He will have to pay for that. His arraignment is on the third, tommorow. My daughter will call me after she talks to the DA. I think I will tell her to tell the DA about the ammo. He has an arsenal.

My stepdaughter and her husband are coming over here to visit us tommorow. That will be so good for us.

I am trying not to horrabilize about this. My stepdaughters stepdad worked for the railroad until he retired. He knows alot of stuff. Mabe he can help us out too. I am crossing my fingers.

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it.