Social isolation questions

[ashdawn8287]

Inhell, I think you should tell yourself more positive things everyday, even if you don't believe them, challenge those bad thoughts. You are good enough. You do deserve a social life because a social life will help you. I became a waitress in order to get past some of my fears, now that I am over those fears, I am trying to engage people on here to open up since this is a safe place. Also, I am going to join a program at the YWCA. That's as much as I can do. I am in college at age 25. I have good grades except in one class, but I never show up to class so I work harder to make up what I miss in between tests.

I have been having a hard time even studying or getting motivated to do my homework, but the semester is almost to an end and I can't wait. I know I am going to fail one class, but after the surgery, overdose, and all the daily stuff I think that is good. I will get an A and a B in my other classes and will focus on that.

Therapybankrupt, yes, I do need to recover from surgery. I got some good sleep earlier for the first time in awhile. I am being impatient and impractical with my goals. I need to take things slower but I feel I have so much to fix in myself.

Pencil, yes, I completely agree with you. I believe people whine and cry over small stuff and I am always sitting there thinking if you only knew. It makes me want to stay away because I can't feel bad for people like that or be there for them. I have noticed I am becoming a little bit more compassionate these past few days. So maybe I am on to something with that. I think it's because I allowed myself to feel bad emotions in order for me to be able to feel good emotions. I'm not sure, but this therapy stuff is hard.

 

[Chincho]

I'm the queen of isolation! I'm making big efforts to get out of the house and see friends or at least call some on the phone from time to time because my therapist keeps insisting.

The truth is that sometimes I miss my friends, but not enough to make me want to talk to them very often.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I feel the same way. I feel I am working on healing before trying to make any moves with my social life. I feel safe at home and need that right now. I don't have an urge to want to go see them, because I know it will cause a trigger. I worry about everything when I think of seeing someone. Like will I have a moment, what if I lose control and seem nervous, what if they judge me, and the list goes on. It's actually pretty dumb of me to think this way, but I am working on it.

Right now I am focused on healing myself. I think that is an important thing. I think it is beneficial and will pay off in the long run for me. I am trying to finish this semester, I know I will fail one class. I am not perfect though. I plan to do some major bandaging of hurts and wounds before I can have a social life. I will continue to work, but I can't wait for summer and the semester to be over. Summer will give me the allowed time to heal properly.

 

[InHell11]

Inhell, I think you should tell yourself more positive things everyday, even if you don't believe them, challenge those bad thoughts. You are good enough. You do deserve a social life because a social life will help you. I became a waitress in order to get past some of my fears, now that I am over those fears, I am trying to engage people on here to open up since this is a safe place. Also, I am going to join a program at the YWCA. That's as much as I can do. I am in college at age 25.

Usually telling myself things I don't believe of a positive nature makes me feel worse. Also I am not opposed to maybe trying to find friends and some sort of social life but for one I don't know how. For two I tend to get used/picked on/manipulated by people, lets just say I've had a lot more damaging social interactions than positive ones so not sure how helpful it would be.

I tried waitressing and got fired after an especially busy day all the other waitresses kept pushing their tables and such on me and I am not very assertive so I was not very able to stand up to them and say 'hey, wait I have enough of my own work to deal with, I am not going to cover for any of you.' I am now appealing an SSI denial, and not so sure being on SSI is going to help me make friends I wouldn't consider friends people that I have to lie about it around so they don't put me down friends.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I can relate to that. I think starting here for social interaction is a good spot. You already opened up to me and I like you! See? Small steps and successes will translate to big changes through out our lives.

I am sorry you are going through all of this, especially with the SSI denial, that has to be stressful and make you trigger like crazy. It would for me. I started positive talk a few months ago, I am just now starting to believe it. If you stick to it, it will work. You just have to be willing to put in the effort and it is hard work and it requires all of your effort.

PTSD sucks. That's all I can say, but changing my view is a must for me. I believe it is the only way.

 

[aka]

Social isolation is the norm for me seeing as I don't have any friends to interact with. Sigh, I do try to make friends but my natural tendency to avoid any social interactions makes it difficult.

How long do you do it for?

I have gone 24-36 hours without talking or interacting with anyone. The experience sucks for sure and usually increases my depression symptoms.

Pets are so good for us with PSTD

Defiantly, I would not be doing as well dealing with my symptoms without my pets. Especially my dog who has been traveling with me to the University I have attended the last couple years. The spoiled dog is currently sleeping on my pillow.:)

 

[saffy]

I went a long time isolated in general mainly because I did not trust my own ability to attract the right people or deal with triggers or read the situation correctly.

Until I learnt what I liked and did not like, what type of person I like and to be assertive enough to listen to my instincts and make positive decisions and sticking to them, I felt I was unable to cope with meeting new people.

Once I found out more about myself I found that I could attract more people with the same interests, I could set my standards higher and set myself boundaries.

I also found that my esteem was higher because I felt more in control and that I new I had the rights to protect myself and pick and choose my friends.

Before I just wanted everyone to like me, I thought I must like everyone and trust them but I never felt an equal.

I am glad I took the time to isolate and to slow down. I am glad I am more picky now and would rather be sat alone reading a book that entertaining someone who does not fit in with my idea of a good person. :)

I think there is too much pressure on people to feel they have to have many friends. However, I feel it should be the quality not the quantity of friendship that matters. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[ashdawn8287]

Thanks for sharing and yes, I agree with you about quality vs quantity.

I started therapy consistently because I found a great therapist I can relate to, 2 years ago. For the past 2 years I have shut many doors socially because like you, I have horrible judgment and attract the wrong people because of my attitude or blinding light. I think that is why I socially isolate because I am picky, as I should. It's hard finding quality relationships with others and that takes time.

I have realized there are a few I want in my life, and the others I don't need around. I do feel more in control, but I am still isolating and taking the steps to healing until I can gain more control and sense of my situation.

I live with my fiance and he has good people in his life, so that helps a lot. I'm still a little in hiding mode from his people, but I try to come out when I can.

This will take time, but I will get there. I'm working on my triggers and controlling my emotions and finding a healthy balance right now. I think my isolation is fine as I work through this. I know I'll be ready one day, but their are many small steps I need to take before I can do that.

Thanks for sharing :)

 

[therapybankrupt]

I am glad I took the time to isolate and to slow down. I am glad I am more picky now and would rather be sat alone reading a book that entertaining someone who does not fit in with my idea of a good person.

Saffy thanks for that I am always so impatient and in a hurry to get through this journey to my recovery. I need to just sit still for a while. Its so hard because I was always on a freight train. Just pushing through life. I will try to embrace my isolation at this time. EMDR is hard work and it is necessary to heal in between. This to shall pass is another quote I heard along time ago I just have to sit still and listen. Take good care of myself. Thanks for your insight!

tb

 

[therapybankrupt]

I have realized there are a few I want in my life, and the others I don't need around.

Part of this is learning for me. It is very hard to let go of the old that I know. But it has not served me well as I am where I am now. I have been grieving a load of loss. Yes ashdawn it is lonely until we can rebuild healthy relationships to fill the isolation. I clearly am not armed and prepared for that at this time so I guess isolation is keeping me safe as to be expected.

tb

 

[therapybankrupt]

I have gone 24-36 hours without talking or interacting with anyone

aka Hi! This is what isolation is all about. Question did I clean my house did I do anything today and pat yourself on the back. This I found helps with my depression. Its not as if i am doing nothing I am just trying to stay safe for the time being. I get out and do appointments and what is necessary to survive. That is all success in our world. If you are working on the disorder along with isolation I think this is acceptable. A time for reflection, learning ,grieving and many more need we have on our journey. It wont last forever if we are working on it.

tb

 

[ashdawn8287]

I feel the exact same way. I need time to heal therapybankrupt, as you do too. There is a lot of things we have to relearn, including building satisfying healthy relationships. If it makes you feel bad during your healing, stay away from it, including bad people, you know who they are too. My fiance has taught me a lot about that. It was hard at first, but I am getting there.