So a few weeks ago when my partner's PTSD and depression started to get really, really bad, I had a conversation with her where I told her that I could handle getting less of her, but that I had to be important and I had to exist. On that day, she hugged me and told me that I was very important to her, and that I did exist.
Ever since then she has withdrawn more and more and at this point, I feel like the least important thing in her life. She will spend time with other people and prioritize time with them, but not me. She tells me about calling other people for support when she is having a bad day, but she won't call me. Our daily communications when apart are brief (5 minutes) and very superficial. I love you is said but on my end, not felt.
It's somewhat better when we are together but she does not want to discuss anything at all substantive. She flips out if serious subjects arise and either shuts down or leaves.
She will come home when asked to help her brother with his kid, yet when I ask she will not do it. She deeply resents helping the brother with the kid but never tells him no.
I specifically asked her to spend more time with me this week; she did not acknowledge my request in any way, and did not honor it. Instead I rearranged my schedule so I could get more time with her this week. :mad: She really just seems not to value time with me. She says she just wants to be alone, but it looks to me that it's really ME she is trying to be away from as she will force herself to spend time with pretty much everyone else in her life, EXCEPT for me.
What can I do? I am making requests which she is ignoring. I don't want to nag and bother her, but I am getting nothing. I can handle getting less - but nothing? Don't know if I can do that one.
This is the polar opposite of what our relationship was like before she had a flashback. We couldn't get enough of each other. We were together all the time. The love was strong and palpable. Yes, we have problems - serious problems, but at least we were still able to hold hands, spend weekends together and have regular sex. Now it's nothing but distance and even more problems. :eek:
I talked with my CoDA sponsor tonight and we came up with a boundary which I will set this week, which is to tell her that while I know she is not intending to do this, that I feel abandoned when she leaves for the weekend and that I need her to prioritize time with me on the weekends especially.
This sucks. It just sucks so hard.
Ever since then she has withdrawn more and more and at this point, I feel like the least important thing in her life. She will spend time with other people and prioritize time with them, but not me. She tells me about calling other people for support when she is having a bad day, but she won't call me. Our daily communications when apart are brief (5 minutes) and very superficial. I love you is said but on my end, not felt.
It's somewhat better when we are together but she does not want to discuss anything at all substantive. She flips out if serious subjects arise and either shuts down or leaves.
She will come home when asked to help her brother with his kid, yet when I ask she will not do it. She deeply resents helping the brother with the kid but never tells him no.
I specifically asked her to spend more time with me this week; she did not acknowledge my request in any way, and did not honor it. Instead I rearranged my schedule so I could get more time with her this week. :mad: She really just seems not to value time with me. She says she just wants to be alone, but it looks to me that it's really ME she is trying to be away from as she will force herself to spend time with pretty much everyone else in her life, EXCEPT for me.
What can I do? I am making requests which she is ignoring. I don't want to nag and bother her, but I am getting nothing. I can handle getting less - but nothing? Don't know if I can do that one.
This is the polar opposite of what our relationship was like before she had a flashback. We couldn't get enough of each other. We were together all the time. The love was strong and palpable. Yes, we have problems - serious problems, but at least we were still able to hold hands, spend weekends together and have regular sex. Now it's nothing but distance and even more problems. :eek:
I talked with my CoDA sponsor tonight and we came up with a boundary which I will set this week, which is to tell her that while I know she is not intending to do this, that I feel abandoned when she leaves for the weekend and that I need her to prioritize time with me on the weekends especially.
This sucks. It just sucks so hard.
