I'm sorry you made that experience with your newly qualified therapist. It's so funny (actually, it's really sad) that they seem to think they're ready and equipped and "let's go", and then when it happens that they have someone with a (massive) abusive trauma history, reality seems to hit them hard.
In my case, I think, the whole things is a little different. She's a renouned trauma therapist and is well known in my city and has had a long waiting list. BUT: I was in therapy with her from around 2004 to 2006. Back then, it was solely about my child sexual abuse. By that time, I had not realized that basically everything in my childhood and teens was abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally). Of course, I knew, calling your own child names, just to give you one example, was not good and had hurt me every time she did, but for some reason I couldn't label it as "abusive". As I was surrounded by such people, those who did the same and those who stood by not doing anything or saying anything (but one person), I just learned that it was "normal". So, I already knew on some level it was very bad for me, my childhood and teens on a whole, but I would have NEVER thought about taking it to therapy. I thought it was something normal, everyone had to live with, so "get over it".
When I came back in 2011, I talked to her about all the other crap without giving her the causes, the facts of what happened in my childhood teens, i.e. I didn't mention my mother called me names, but I shared my deep pain about being treated so badly by my mother and others. So, only months ago did my therapist say something that made me wake up. She said that I had never told her anything about those other types of abuse, the causes for my pain. :wideeyes: I had not even noticed!
Then I had to write my trauma list and when I did a couple of weeks ago, she finally understood the extreme extent to what she was dealing with. Before that, I had told her various times that I broke down with things she expected me I could and should do but I couldn't. They were "brain" things, i.e. she seriously believed that I processed things happening (e.g. things talked about in therapy) in real time, which I never do! It takes me weeks (no kidding, no exaggerating) to process one therapy session, i.e. all that was being said, meant, the feelings it produced, the thoughts it produced... -- my response, so to speak. So, when I kept shut about things for weeks, she thought I had processed things and we could go on, as if I had been done and learned and next topic, please. Which was not the case. I told her the fact that it wasn't and all, but she didn't get it, from how I proceeded (e.g. talked about something new the next session). I insisted and insisted and she slowly opened up to the idea that what I was saying was exactly what I meant. I think though that until I gave her my trauma list and then got into telling her details when she asked (she asked a little more), she didn't get it. She gets it more now. Still, I think what she did and still does is rely more on her perceptions that on what I have been saying about me, about how I work and what things don't, etc.
I do realize things look/sound/seem/etc. different from the outside, but all I can say is, in order to help me most, she would have to believe "more" what I tell her, because it is my reality. Then again, I do see how I can come across as "depressed" (as in a diagnosis), but in my reality I am not generally depressed. Or rather: I have been like this always, it does not have a negative notion to it. It's just me. So what I say and what she perceives do not match, I do get that. It's difficult business...
