Mindfulness for flashbacks - "he" or "me"?

[Dave Ryan]

An AI engine came up with the following "mindfulness" approach for dealing with flashbacks - instead of getting swept away in the experience, try to put some distance between yourself and the events. Try to bee like an observer, describing the scene and what is going on without judging or getting caught up in it.

I then got into a discussion with it about the person in the scene - should I see him as me or try to see him as someone else. It came up with the following:

Continuing to see the person as "me" in the past:

Acknowledges your personal experience: This approach directly acknowledges that this happened to you. It validates your feelings and the reality of your past.

Can foster self-compassion: By seeing yourself as the younger you, you might naturally feel more empathy and compassion for the difficult situation you were in. You can offer kindness to that past self.

Maintains continuity of self: For some, maintaining that connection to their past self, even during a difficult memory, feels more authentic and less dissociative.


Observing "the boy" as a separate entity:

Creates emotional distance: This can be a very effective way to create a sense of separation from the intense emotions of the flashback. By viewing it as happening to "the boy," it can feel less immediate and overwhelming for "you" in the present.

Can make it easier to observe without judgment: When you're observing someone else, it can sometimes be easier to be more objective and less critical than when you're reflecting on your own past actions or feelings.

Reduces the feeling of being in the experience: This can be particularly helpful if the flashback feels very immersive and you're struggling to feel grounded in the present. Viewing it as happening to someone else can emphasize that it is a past event.

You can even use both approaches:

You might start by observing "the boy" to create some initial distance and manage the intensity. Once you feel a bit more grounded, you might then shift to connecting with "me" in the past to offer self-compassion and acknowledge the difficulty of the situation.

I'm curious as to what people's thoughts are on this, and if anyone here has tried this approach.

 

[Sideways]

I’ve personally never tried using mindfulness with respect to flashbacks - so I’m curious about other people’s responses.

My first question is are you wanting to be mindful about the content of the flashback, or of your experience of having a flashback.

For example: am I being mindful of what I’m re-experiencing about the experiences of the past, or is it a more straightforward mindfulness of “this is me having a flashback right now”?

The second one I can definitely see being potentially very helpful in the moment. It’s similar to a lot of grounding approaches to dealing with flashbacks. Like:
Okay, this is me having a flashback. My shoulders are tense, I feel scared, I can’t focus my eyes, I’ve lost track of time…

I think it would be very difficult to practice mindfulness of the content of a flashback (but definitely not impossible). I guess that would be like: okay so I’m experiencing the feeling of a hand on the back of my neck, and I can tell they’re standing behind me…

For me, that would very quickly not be an exercise of mindfulness (non-judgemental awareness).

Non-judgemental for me personally works easiest (from what I’ve tried so far…still experimenting!) with the “curious scientist” approach. Which is:
Pick the thing that you want to be mindful of (this piece of watermelon, my breath, the ground under my feet, etc), and then examine like you would if you were a curious scientist examining that thing for the first time ever…

Another popular one is the aliens one: describe the thing in your mind as though you’re explaining it to an alien that has never experienced the thing before (doesn’t work for me because I get too distracted by the hypothetical aliens!).

For me, there’s too much in a flashback for me to really practice mindfulness of it (the emotions, the physical sensations, the memories, etc). Also, by definition I’m also dissociated during an flashback, and in a way that is quite distinct from the type of headspace that mindfulness seeks to achieve (and almost the antithesis of a mindful state of awareness).

Like I said, really curious about what others have to say…

 

[Friday]

My flashbacks are accurate enough that I can have languages I don’t speak -that are/were being spoken- be translated.

It’s never been a useful thing, for me, to add layers of fiction/delusion/hallucination on top. What was real? Was real. It happened.

The DREAMS/nightmares I have that are blends of fiction & reality? Are the worst possible imaginings. Too much nightmare fuel. The worst of what I’ve lived, merged with the worst of what I could imagine.

Being able to separate the two? What was real & what is imagined? Priceless.

I’m not about to muck up / blur the boundaries of those 2 things.

Distance/Armor? I am a HUGE proponent of. But blurring / being uncertain of what’s real/not real? I couldn’t be more against.

 

[arfie]

the ai summary sounds close to the technique i use. mine grew out of poetry circles i attended as a troubled teenager in the late 60's. more specifically, from ralph waldo emerson and henry david thoreau. my most recent refinement came from an ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) workshop i attended in 2012.

the mindfulness tools work when i work them. they aren't as easy as popping a pill, but they are effective, more so as my skills grow. i definitely shoot to ply the tools in the first person singular, as an observer. it's okay when i slide off into a few projected she/he/it roles. something else to observe. there is no right/wrong way to go about it.

 

[Dave Ryan]

I’ve personally never tried using mindfulness with respect to flashbacks - so I’m curious about other people’s responses.

My first question is are you wanting to be mindful about the content of the flashback, or of your experience of having a flashback.

For example: am I being mindful of what I’m re-experiencing about the experiences of the past, or is it a more straightforward mindfulness of “this is me having a flashback right now”?

The second one I can definitely see being potentially very helpful in the moment. It’s similar to a lot of grounding approaches to dealing with flashbacks. Like:
Okay, this is me having a flashback. My shoulders are tense, I feel scared, I can’t focus my eyes, I’ve lost track of time…

I think it would be very difficult to practice mindfulness of the content of a flashback (but definitely not impossible). I guess that would be like: okay so I’m experiencing the feeling of a hand on the back of my neck, and I can tell they’re standing behind me…

For me, that would very quickly not be an exercise of mindfulness (non-judgemental awareness).

Non-judgemental for me personally works easiest (from what I’ve tried so far…still experimenting!) with the “curious scientist” approach. Which is:
Pick the thing that you want to be mindful of (this piece of watermelon, my breath, the ground under my feet, etc), and then examine like you would if you were a curious scientist examining that thing for the first time ever…

Another popular one is the aliens one: describe the thing in your mind as though you’re explaining it to an alien that has never experienced the thing before (doesn’t work for me because I get too distracted by the hypothetical aliens!).

For me, there’s too much in a flashback for me to really practice mindfulness of it (the emotions, the physical sensations, the memories, etc). Also, by definition I’m also dissociated during an flashback, and in a way that is quite distinct from the type of headspace that mindfulness seeks to achieve (and almost the antithesis of a mindful state of awareness).

Like I said, really curious about what others have to say…

The question I've put in bold is a good one. I think for me it's a bit of both. As you say, dealing with experience of the flashback is probably the initial priority, and it's what I'll start with, but I'd like to deal with the content as well as this is really the main reason behind my me/he question. Over the years, I've come to have a negative view of my actions back then, and I've been wondering if trying to view the content as if it were happening to someone else might be a way in to stopping blaming myself for what I see as my complicity in enduring years of misery.

The "explaining it to aliens" is brilliant - that was a laugh-out-loud moment! It's an excellent suggestion for really getting stepping back and being an impartial observer.

 

[Movingforward10]

but I'd like to deal with the content as well as this is really the main reason behind my me/he question. Over the years, I've come to have a negative view of my actions back then, and I've been wondering if trying to view the content as if it were happening to someone else might be a way in to stopping blaming myself for what I see as my complicity in enduring years of misery.

I'm wondering if that shift of blame is something to explore outside of a flashback? And the mindfulness of the content of a flashback, I wonder if that can only be done once you have integrated your experiences?

I found it very useful to consider my experiences in the context of another child. It helped me see that I would have compassion for that other child that I couldn't have for myself. So it helped explore that and shift the blame and shame. But that was all outside of any flashbacks ...

I think the state of mindfulness of the content of a flashback during a flashback sounds a very very enlightened state of being that would need a lot of work to get to that stage?

 

[Dave Ryan]

I'm wondering if that shift of blame is something to explore outside of a flashback? And the mindfulness of the content of a flashback, I wonder if that can only be done once you have integrated your experiences?

I found it very useful to consider my experiences in the context of another child. It helped me see that I would have compassion for that other child that I couldn't have for myself. So it helped explore that and shift the blame and shame. But that was all outside of any flashbacks ...

I think the state of mindfulness of the content of a flashback during a flashback sounds a very very enlightened state of being that would need a lot of work to get to that stage?

You have a point there. I've been living with this for years and this is the first time I've tried to do anything about it - maybe I'm being a bit too eager to try fixing everything all at once and setting myself up for disappointment. As @Sideways mentioned above, maybe it's best to just try to deal with the flashback experience as a first step.

 

[anthony]

Mindfulness is just processing. The combined approach, IMO, sounds about right for trauma. You want to create distance until such time as you have the capacity to manage ownership. Basically, just trying to limit the symptom crash but make progress. This is really just the foundation of all therapy, where you are trying to minimise the crash but within that, you also need to make forward momentum. Most people just don't understand that that's what they're doing in all therapeutic approaches. Ground then tackle the problem, ground then tackle more, ground then tackle more.

Just word play... but the actions all follow a very similar line.