General Can Love Be A Trigger?

[BlackbirdSinging]

I know that feeling

Exactly. I end up feeling like it must have been all in my head. It can be hard to prove. But I definitely can.

 

[Abstract]

Exactly. Thanks for sharing Blackbird. Thanks for the thread Bewitched.

 

[CrazyHorse]

It is a good question, and I will say, for me, yes!

Not so much because I do not think I deserve it, but it triggers my trust-issues. If I put my guards down and let myself believe it fully, I don't think I would recover if one more person who claimed to love me let me down. It is like a part of me has to be prepared for betrayal, which makes it a stressor for me. But I have been so aware of this, and have been working so hard at this mechanism in my relationship, together with my partner, that I have improved a lot in this area.

 

[FaithJL]

Not so much because I do not think I deserve it, but it triggers my trust-issues. If I put my guards down and let myself believe it fully, I don't think I would recover if one more person who claimed to love me let me down. It is like a part of me has to be prepared for betrayal, which makes it a stressor for me.

This helps me understand what my sufferer feels. He used to tell me "I'm really having a hard time trusting right now," or "I'll walk away before you could even hurt me." He told me stories how the women in his past have hurt him, tried to hurt him, and hide him from their family.

Thank you all for sharing your feelings about "love." It helps supporters understand what goes through with you when "love" is expressed.

 

[CrazyHorse]

That is great :-)

I am starting to believe that understanding from both sides is the key to make it work!

In the beginning, I had this notion that since I was the one with the trauma and PTSD, he should just understand why I have trust-issues and not challange me on them, and just accept it was the way it was, until I realized how much it was hurting him! i.e. that he felt invalidated, not good enough, questioned at his intregity and loyalty as a person, so he stood up for himself, so to speak. And I am glad he did (even though it was annoying to me at times;-)

In short: I came to realize: when I claim to love this person too, what right do I have to hurt him this way? I am doing to him exactly what I fear will happen to me: hurting him!

I am not saying it is easy, or that my trust- issues have magically vanished, but seeing it from his point of view too, did help me manage it in a far more positive way.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I have a really hard time trusting men. I've been through some bad situations. I kept people away for almost 10 years because of that. Caring about someone is really hard for me. I always expect them to hurt me, betray me, or just leave me. Opening up and trusting my sufferer was so hard for me. Letting myself love him was huge for me. But I do not have PTSD and I lose myself in the isolation behaviors. I cannot control my reactions to being shut out. The other stuff, I could deal with.... But, I do miss him so much.

 

[Abstract]

I lose myself in the isolation behaviors. I cannot control my reactions to being shut out.

That is more than fair enough and you are allowed your own vulnerabilities. I am sorry you have had bad situations. Maybe it is worthwhile thinking of what you want to watch out for next time around. I have found that helpful.

It sounds like breaking it off is a better thing for you but that doesn't mean it is easy especially when it was a big deal to start.

 

[stuff]

Love is definitely something I struggle with. If I rush into things too quickly even if the feelings are there, they shut down, I shut down and become distant. As much as I want to be loved, I panic if it really seems to be the case. It's the sense of vulnerability that comes with it that makes it hard I think. You spend so much time trying to protect yourself, so learning to trust someone and opening up to them feels dangerous and unsafe. I really hope I can get past that point.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Stuff - I hope you can also.

 

[stuff]

Thank you.