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Achy and tired, my darling daughter is boycotting sleep lately, and honestly, even if she weren't, I struggle with it so lately. Sigh. Sad, too, been talking about my past, being alone with it, about not having a mother I trust... very sad. Sigh.
My mother has a hard time letting go of the reins and I just had a calm and rational discussion with her that I need to be treated as an autonomous adult. I'm trying really hard to set boundaries with her and this is a step towards that.
And I'm trying to not lose the feeling of being proud of myself by putting my foot down. I have a hard time with that, because I don't like offending or upsetting others. But I'm trying to make it so that people won't offend or upset me.
Feeling better, less hopeless and lost. Making plans to go away to place in the forest. Too many losses, deaths, illnesses the last two years. It's tough to feel restored with PTSD sometimes. Then add other human condition stuff and ugh. Hungry. Going to eat. Hoping for sleep tonight.
I am feeling really low. The medication was too strong. So I am now down to a quarter of a tablet. The suicidal ideation is really strong again. I feel so hopeless and helpless and depressed.
I pushed through the day and did my volunteering on yesterday and an extra day on Thursday. I pushed myself and went out to an opening last night.
CraftyCath,You took the words out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way.
Up to now, I am absolutely out of my mind, weary, depressed,and downright exhausted. Getting hunger pangs lately and my neck is tense, like I have a huge knot. I cannot tell where my life is heading nor do I feel like I belong; very disconnected and isolated from fams.