When You Experience Suicidal Ideation.

[cdg]

Thanks heidi for the advice. That is very helpful. I will try it. I am also struggling with intense irrational thoughts that consume me at times. They are incredibly dumb. How do I get my manipulate the situation to not fall into the thinking spiral. Specifically while its consuming.

 

[heidi]

What type of thoughts? Is it the belief that you're in danger (that's common) or is it more of an obsessive OCD type of thought?

 

[cdg]

Its an obsessive irrational fear that I have an answer to. Its even confirmed that I have nothing to worry about. I still over think it to the point of what if and it creates a severe panic attack. They are more severe right now because my nerves don't have much of a threshold.

 

[Abstract]

Are they health fears/obsessive thoughts? I find if there is no truth behind the fear then it is better not to try to argue or reason with it. It is rather a matter of distracting, stopping (STOP is a CBT method) or writing out my feelings (not about the obsession!) etc...

 

[cdg]

I find if there is no truth behind the fear then it is better not to try to argue or reason with it.

I think this would help tremendously. I need to practice it until it is second nature. I get caught up trying to convince my mind that there is nothing to worry about. It turns into a circular mental activity thing that gets worse. I have read up on self-help cbt as I don't have a lot of money for therapy. Its helps to be reminded.

 

[just me here]

Nothing is permanent. This too shall pass. Mountains crumble to the sea my friend, time is the healer. I get by knowing that everything in this world is impermanent and in a constant state of change. I will feel different someday, maybe today. No emotion is permanent and I know this because I have felt good and I don't today, thats the facts jack.

All of that is true except one thing. There is a permanence in death and thankfully we are born to spend our lives trying with all of our strength and wits and ability to avoid it. It will get me someday but I REFUSE to lose because I gave up. Care to join me?
I know you want to win this battle because you are human and thats what we do. Accept some help from someone, because thats the other thing we do. Post with you LATER, OK?

 

[heidi]

That sounds so difficult. I know there is a zen thing you're supposed to do with those kind of thoughts ie letting them pass in a neutral way I also know it's easier said then done. It does seem like you are trying really hard to heal yourself and sometimes it takes time and experimentation with different techniques. Don't put too much pressure on healing yourself in the here and now. It can take time.

Also in terms of distraction I know it's not easy and if it was PTSD wouldn't even be a thing. Sometimes it can take a day or longer until I notice it's working. Just trying to absorb yourself in something that interests you. I think it's a common denominator for a lot of us and most people would agree that it is at least somewhat helpful. And for me I often feel like it's the only solid tool I have. And I know when PTSD attacks come on it is no joke and it is a physical force. It's humbling every time. But just trying to absorb myself in something else is something I do so routinely now. It's like how a super always carries a tool belt and keys at all time I carry podcast and stupid things that have at least a chance of capturing my attention.

And it's just my personal belief that processing never comes when you are so close anyway. I try to glimpse and wrap my mind around the trauma when I have better days. I think the whole key is getting away from it. And if people say that's not processing well you need distance to process. You need the rear view mirror and I think well trying to absorb myself in things is the only dependable tool I really have.

Sorry, I just wanted to stress that because for me it's been really helpful. Maybe you'll find your own thing that is helpful to you though.

 

[Abstract]

trying to convince my mind that there is nothing to worry about.

I hope it helps and you are right. If the fear has already been disproved then no amount of logic or conversation will help and any such attempt just adds fuel to the fire and obsession. It's like that with all obsessions or distortions such as the ones found in OCD, eating disorders and somatization issues such as hypochondriasis and so they can work with any obsession we may be experiencing. There is a lot of info out there if you have a look.

 

[cdg]

I guess it just takes time. I don't need to fuel the fire. The blaze is enormous right now and I want to extinguish it. I'm constantly tired even though I get plenty of sleep each night. Hopefully my mind will some day let it go.

 

[Abstract]

Oibsessions are usually displaced emotions. It is possibly to be free of them. Blocking is the first part. Developing new coping coping nethods the second. And looking at what is behind them the third.

 

[cdg]

Is it common for PTSD to refuse to accept the truth? Like it has done its part to make the mind so scared of the subject that any amount of proof of closure is automatically not accepted.. That seems to be the biggest problem right now.

 

[Abstract]

I don't think so cdg but I may be wrong. For example I don't other than denial of PTSD. I do however know that obsessions are one of the ways that human beings can try to process stress. So all of the above examples of conditions that I gave are related to anxiety in some way. Different people "choose" different ways to try to deal with their stress or emotions.

For example if you have a physical symptom and you refuse to accept that it is harmless even though it has been proved it may be easier in some ways than sitting with mental anxiety.

It might be worth asking yourself how comfortable you were with the expression of and dealing with emotions before this happened. What the attitude to emotions was at home growing up or what symbolism you have around emotions and what your history was of physical complaints. Are you particularly afraid of physical issues or maybe your trauma related to death. Did physical illness result in attention at home that otherwise was not offered for example. If this is about physical issues.

It might be worth posting about it specifically and I imagine that symptoms and other disorders would be the right place.