Supporter Bf Has Non-combat Ptsd, Looking For Support. :-)

[Jen L]

Hi! My name is Jen and I am in a relatively (albeit intense!) relationship with someone who has non-combat related PTSD.

A little about me:

I just moved from Michigan to Missouri. I am recently divorced, was a stay-at-home mom to two kids (one adopted at age 7), homeschooled them for the past 11 years, became a semi-driver 10 months ago and met my man several months ago and moved in. (I no longer drive a semi, but am looking for a local job)

I have never loved someone with an intensity like I love him (except maybe my biological son). Despite our troubles, I am drawn to him like no other.

About him/us:

My man was the chief of police (now retired early due to ptsd) and special victims investigator for 8 years. Something like 6 years too many for SVU-type investigating.

Much of what caused the PTSD issues are investigating cases where scumbags were sexually abusing, using and torturing small children and infants. I will spare the details, but let me just say there were videos some of these schmucks had that he says he can't see how the child could have survived what was done to them. Some cases were international, as the videos were of children in other countries. He has been involved in a good may high-profile cases as well.

He is on at least 6 different meds (I recently got him off of one that was doing more harm than good and severely affecting our relationship) and we are trying a host of herbal meds, to which I would like opinions from all of you on this forum at a later time.

I have to be careful, even here, due to lawsuits that are ongoing. I have no idea what the "rules" would be on that, but I am quite verbose, so I must be careful! lol

There is so much to share. So much to tell. So much I need to learn.

I am completely and totally dedicated to this man. This man causes me to feel whole for the first time ever. It is very painful at times being in this relationship, but we have already come SO far! I am a sanguine personality type, so my glass is usually half full...but there are days when I get so depressed, so discouraged, so down that I almost want to ask him to put all his guns in a locked safe cuz I don't trust myself to not want to impulsively off myself. Most of the time it's not like that, but once in a while I get THAT overwhelmed and desperate to stop the madness.

No, I don't consider myself homicidal or suicidal for that matter. I am just an open-book personality and desire to convey just how desperate I have, on occasion, become through it all. I am an intense person, who loves easily and deeply and completely....and I do with him. I am sad on his behalf much of the time, but hopeful we can find a solution we can live with.

I am very grateful for this forum and feel it's about time I share my thoughts, ideas and even grievances with those who really understand.

I am very open to any ideas, thought and suggestions that you, my fellow sufferers may have for me/us.

Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I've tried a number of herbals, some of which have helped, some of which have harmed. I'll discuss this more when you start another thread on the topic.

I want to urge you to get a gun safe for the protection of everyone. Hopefully nothing will ever happen; however it is nice to have an extra layer of comfort when it comes to owning firearms.

I really respect people like your man who have done so much to fight for those who have been sexually abused. I'm a sexual abuse survivor myself.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hello Jen... welcome to the forum.

We have a whole section just for supporters, and there is a lot of good advice on there. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jen,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial for both of you.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[rightkindofme]

All of the weapons should be in a safe at all times any way. :) Although I assume he has a loaded piece on his person at all times. After such a career that is merely prudent.

It's going to be a hard road. If you are a home schooling mom (even if you no longer do so) you are obviously not someone looking for the easy road through life. :)

It won't be "the relationship of your dreams". There will be horrible bumps. You will always have to take care of yourself. That will be hard. There will probably be a lot of joy and happiness and love too... but man you have to be willing and able to emotionally care for yourself.

Good luck. Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Cori]

My spouse also is a police officer. He is off of work because of work related traumas. We have no guns in this house. I would encourage you to lock them up or better yet get them out of the house. I love my spouse very much and 90 percent of the time he's the perfect man. The other 10 percent of the time he turns in to this person I don't want to be around. I call it "the beast" which I probably shouldn't. I never say it too him, but its what I call the "other" side of him.

My advice is to set your boundaries. If he is in therapy go to a session or two with him. I do that from time to time. It's really helpful as a couple. When I first met him he was over medicated. He was on 4 or 5 different meds and he was a mess. He is now on one med for his ptsd and takes a light sleeping pill the changes are amazing. We talked to his doctor, therapist and pharmacist and between the three of them they saw that he was over medicated and it was harming him in many ways. As a spouse I read every bit of information I can on ptsd.

EVERYTHING I can get my hands on I read!! It's really helpful. This site has been great too because it really is comforting to know that we are not the only couple living with this.

 

[Jen L]

Thanks so much for the warm welcome!

I would have been on sooner, however, we got into a fight last night about me being on the computer too much! lol I get on because it's my lifeline. Not only to PTSD help, but to a social life. I know NO ONE in this state, as I've totally given all of me to him. I am an outgoing, sanguine personality that needs socialization! I truly believe that he is scared - SO scared that I am going to leave him. Find someone "better". Some days, I'll be honest, it's tempting. But he is like a drug to me. I even love his smell (not his cologne)!! lol Like a mother loves the smell of her baby. It's just insane how I feel! :) His two exes cheated on him. Seems to be a thing here in this state. That and tattoos, I've noticed. lol Seriously though, he complained about me being on the computer too much and how he's going to get rid of the internet. Control thing, me thinks. I don't think he will...as his threat was to do it next week.

So, right now he is sleeping, so I can talk here. I should be making him breakfast, which he never wants to eat anyway...so I am delaying.

I'm not worried at all about HIM and the guns. It's ME I sometimes worry about. Thankfully I'm not a compulsive/impulsive person most of the time.

He likes to pull the "it shows a lack of respect" card on me when we argue. Not every time, but a lot of the time. He is an alpha (which I LOVE), however, I'm used to being an alpha and though I desire to not be one, it too has been a huge adjustment. Lots of changes...

Someone suggested starting a new thread about herbals/meds. This is something I really would like to talk about so in the Support section, I will start one as soon as I can. Hopefully right now. :)

Thanks again....and I look forward to all the sharing and learning.

 

[Jen L]

I just re-read my post..and man is it disjointed. Sorry about that. I'm a little distracted that I won't get all my thoughts out before he wakes up.

 

[rightkindofme]

What shows a lack of respect? Being on the computer? Discuss how many hours a week is reasonable to have personal time and negotiate from there for computer usage? If he expects you to ONLY pay attention to him that's a problem.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[Jen L]

What shows a lack of respect? Being on the computer? Discuss how many hours a week is reasonable to have personal time and negotiate from there for computer usage? If he expects you to ONLY pay attention to him that's a problem.

Right. I agree. I don't think he expects me to only pay attention to him. I think it is an insecurity thing, with an ex-wife who cheated on him with the computer. PTSD is exacerbating the symptoms of his insecurity. He seems to quickly turn around emotionally these days, but that's probably because we are working on his meds. It doesn't bother me as much as it once did.

And to answer your question about what shows lack of respect.....I'm not quite sure! lol He's funny about anyone being on their phone while he's dining with them, or driving with them or whatever. It's not just me. The same with the computer. All I know is that PTSD seems to cause him to become irrational at times. From his friends and mom, I gather this is not at all how he really is but has become because of PTSD.[DOUBLEPOST=1378558655][/DOUBLEPOST]

Welcome. :)

Thanks Ayesha! :-)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Plenty of great information and support here. Anything you can't find - ask in the appropriate forum and I'm sure you will get some useful replies. I'm pleased you found us.