(new) End Of My Rope

[FindingKayla]

I'm new. I came upon this website while looking for ways to help explain ptsd triggers to my family.

I can't really say I've ever really been in a good place. I've had chronic ptsd for as long as I can remember. I was abused by every man in my life since I was a baby. With an egg donor who didn't much care as long as someone was in her bed.

June, July and August I was assaulted by the same man.. I didn't know him.. But it was clear my egg donor did.all were reported.

I've come to a point where I'm just tired of fighting. I've had to fight my whole life, and I don't see it getting any better. I was recently diagnosed with HIV resulting from the assaults.. A long with other things that complicate the HIV.. I've never believed in happy endings but I guess I hoped that whatever "higher power" there was could see how hard I fought and at some point I would have peace..

The ptsd is disabling.. I've been a cutter off and on since I was fourteen, and right now its the worst its ever been.
I just find myself in a dark place where I can't seem to see that I will have any freedom from these unbearable chains.. I just want it to stop..

 

[LisawithPTSD]

The ptsd is disabling..

It most certainly is. You will find camaraderie in the forum. I started cuttin two years ago. Not very deep. I tried to hurt myself before then--like tried to break my arm, etc. Its almost like I want an outward expression of the pain I feel inward. Also, express my anger.

 

[Britt.f7]

I hope you hang in there. There are people here who are great to talk to. Helped me through a very dark spot last year. I am sorry of everything you went through and are going through.