Sufferer Diagnosed But Not Sure Myself.

[raven1960]

Hello.

I've been diagnosed by a Therapist and a Psychiatrist with PTSD, but I'm not sure if I meet any criteria or not. I have not been physically or sexually abused and have not been in a life or death situation unless you count a bout with Neuro-invasive West Nile Virus (Meningitis). I was sexually harassed physically in my 20's, but not raped. I have noticed that since having WNV everything is worse and harder, but I also have chronic pain, fatigue and some difficulty thinking clearly at time since having WNV in 2007.

From childhood through an ex and current husband I was always in fear of the angry outbursts of my mother or husbands. I was never hit or called horrible names, more shamed or berated. My current husband is on antidepressants himself now and is better, but I am constantly on edge about what kind of mood he's in, or saying the wrong thing, etc. Emotionally I guess I never felt safe with either husband or my mom. My dad was very loving and supportive.

I worked for 28 years as a 911 operator in a signal dispatch center. That job was extremely stressful from the multi-tasking, other people's life and death issues, emergencies, and constant stimuli. Now I literally cringe at the sound of a telephone, can't stand bright lights or noise, hate being around people. Honestly if I could I would always be alone in the middle of the nowhere. I only really feel safe and comfortable when I'm alone.

In addition to the hyper-awareness of people's moods and the avoidance of stimulus I have a lot of anxiety for not obvious reason, nightmares about my mother or husbands, insomnia, feeling overwhelmed and down easily, stomach pain with no cause, Irritable bowel, ,migraines, times when I can't think even though I'm intelligent and strangely I always feel like I need to hurry, hurry, hurry at every thing I do. I'm tired being a bundle of words who wants to hide away. Shyness is not a problem by the way, I just find it easier to be alone.

So, I'm open to other's opinions. Since I don't really have the severe trauma I find myself doubting the diagnosis and want to go where it is appropriate to be. However, if you-who really ARE the experts- feel I actually belong here then I will believe that.
Thank you.

 

[WillyKat]

I don't believe that PTSD requires a single or even a few traumatic events. It could result from many, many of the type of events you describe, not the least of which was as a 911 dispatcher. In that case, you were essentially a witness to many traumas. You don't have to be a victim of trauma to get PTSD.

Keep in mind that PTSD is a checkbox on an insurance form. It doesn't tell us all that much about you and what you've had to deal with. It defines a set of criteria and suggests certain kinds of treatment. But every individual is so unique.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome.

You sound a lot like me---
Always feel rushed, hypervigilant, on edge, hate the ringing of the phone (I wasn't an operator, rather harassed over the phone), insomnia, migraines, stomach issues, not shy but happiest when alone.

Whew. Long list! My priest tells me I'd be happiest in a desert island all by myself. Well, she's right. That's my mental safe place, and honestly I've had a Swiss family Robinson fantasy since I was a kid!

I was sexually abused....BUT, the emotional abuse by my mom was the worst. I think that the constant mini-traumas (not minimizing, oh you know what I mean) can be just as bad or even worse than one major trauma.

I think you do belong here (although we're not "experts! ;)

 

[raven1960]

Thank you. I think I've gotten to be an expert at minimizing my own experiences and saying "I'm fine". Thank you so much.

 

[Candleflames]

Hi Raven

Welcome to this safe place. I too, and many others here, have questioned the diagnosis we got. It's sometimes hard to see that our own experiences are actual traumas. Growing up in an unpredictable environment is hard and really does set a person up to develop anxiety issues as a grown up. I was physically abused as a kid but the part that is the hardest are all the hateful words, angry feel of our home and the little emotional manipulation of the adults that "cared" for me. It takes time to adjust to this new way of labeling what you are going through. It's been 8 months and I still question just not as frequently.

I'd also like to second WillyKat's observation that you were a witness to many traumas by being a 911 operator. Being a first responder significantly increases a persons chance of developing PTSD. It takes a special kind of person to be there for us when life is at it's worse. Thank you for doing that for your community.

None of us here can tell you whether or not you have this illness but trusting you therapist and psychiatrist is a good place to start. Presumably they both took the time to get to know you so they could figure out the right diagnosis that would help you get the appropriate treatment.

Again welcome. I'm glad you found your way here.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Just remember that PTSD is what you have, not who you are. Welcome to the forum, Raven

 

[Sasha]

You sound a lot like me. I love being alone, yet I'm not shy - at all. My therapist tells me that introverts gain their energy and well being by being alone and extroverts gain by being with people. Life is so full of pressures with anxiety that it feels really good to remove ourselves from all of it to quiet our mind. So, I completely understand how you feel.

If you've been on edge, walking on egg shells your whole life - it does not surprise me that you feel that way. You've been conditioned. It's hard. Try and take the time you need for yourself when you need it and don't feel guilty about it. Life can pull us in so many directions. Sometimes, we need to stop and take care of ourselves. Welcome hugs to you.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

I have similar issues as you. My therapist explained to me that what is traumatic to a child is not traumatic to an adult. A baby or toddler in a very cold room could be traumatized because they are trapped. But a teen or adult would do something about it--leave, turn the temp up. PTSD can come from an illness, embarrassing situation, etc. You don't have to be in a war or sexually abused.

 

[Sasha]

You don't have to be in a war or sexually abused.

Are you sure? I am under the impression that the following was a criteria:

"The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence". I don't think an embarrassing situation or an illness is usually part of the criteria for PTSD. I suppose a doctor/therapist can see what is involved. PTSD is at the far end of the spectrum of anxiety disorders.

For instance there is Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia: which is "Panic disorder with agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder in which a person has attacks of intense fear and anxiety. There is also a fear of being in places where it is hard to escape, or where help might not be available. Agoraphobia usually involves fear of crowds, bridges, or of being outside alone." Also, Panic disorder without Agoraphobia, general anxiety disorder, and anxiety disorder NOS. I'm sort of rambling, sorry.

But, she and her doctor fully understand her symptoms and traumas. Hopefully, Raven will be able to work through the triggers. It's a long road to recovery and sometimes in therapy it gets worse before it gets better. But, as we have learned - it will pay off. Hang in there and welcome!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you sure?

Part of what she said is right. That you don't have to have been in war or sexually abused to get PTSD.

I don't think the other part is necessarily correct. An embarrassing situation won't cause PTSD. A parent who continually embarrasses a child to the point where it's abusive and happens over a period of time, yes that could cause PTSD (but it would be due to abuse not embarrassment alone). Nor would an illness necessarily cause PTSD as illness is a normal and expected part of life.

 

[Abstract]

I think whether it is potentially traumatic or not is often in the details. Illness can be traumatising according to the criteria if it meets specific requirements and although a milder abusive embarrassing experience can't potentially be traumatic an experience that involves belief of threat of physical or sexual harm and results in embarrassment can.

Raven, what I personally find hard is that the constant insidious stuff that couldn't be traumatic but was harmful feels so entwined with everything else. I also found I sometimes obsessed about the stuff that wasn't not realising that some of it contained triggers for the "bigger" stuff if that makes sense. I find the general emotional cruelty and the consequences of it one of the hardest things to deal with in some respects and I also think it a good part of what most slows down my ability to get and utilise help.

Note that threat of sexual violation or serious physical harm is included in the criteria as is being exposed to death/injury repeatedly in the way you were in your job.

You have been diagnosed by two professionals and one of them was a psychiatrist and I am sure they know the finer points. Accepting the diagnoses can be very hard.

Welcome.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!