Mothers Who Disown Their Children And Act Like Everything Is Peachy?

[Miasmith]

What is going on!

How can a mother disown a child and then go on with a normal life with the rest of her kids and family. Can a Mother really do this or is it just a front to get back at her dis-owned child.

The mother disowned her 18 year old child because she gave him an ultimatum. "Its your girlfriend or me". The boy refused to accept this ultimatum because he loved his girlfriend and she had done nothing wrong. He was abandoned by his mother and she turned the hole family on him.

I could not forget my child and go about life in an innocent manner when I have thrown out one of my kids. Its as if this child is being punished or forgotten.

What is going on, Is this an outrageous cry for her sons full love and devotion or is she just a silly old woman with serious control issues.

 

[Trinity]

I really don't know. I like to think the best of people and in that case scenario would think maybe she does just want his full attention - she feels lonely and is turning it back on him. If this is the case hopefully she will come to her senses soon. Worst case scenario is she is being controlling, vindictive, manipulative and mean and he is probably best without that in his life. She will need to recognise her behaviour for what it is and start acting like an adult or else she may lose him for life.

I could not disown a child of mine either. I know you said neither he or his girlfriend had done anything wrong but even if she had I would still be there for my child. If/when the relationship ends he will need someone to be there for him and I'm sure he isn't going to turn to her. Very sad!

 

[Miasmith]

I agree I like to see the best and also think that she needs his undivided devotion. Its possible that her emotions are so wild that her actions come across as evil and vindictive.

What ever the deal is one thing is true, something is going on inside this woman that is not right. What ever is going on inside her must be making her feel very strong and negative emotions when her orders are not followed. It's almost like a proof of love.

"I am your mother, prove how much you love me".

 

[Tanishq]

Miasmith, sometimes people can be so cruel. It seems she is trying to escape from her responsibility and throwing her issues on her sons. Indeed, I agree with Trinity. She is acting childish. She needs to understand others,too.

I understand this because my mother never made me feel I am her son. She has never been there physically or emotionally. I have accepted this and have moved on. It is very difficult situation to deal with.

"I am your mother, prove how much you love me"

It doesn't work this way. Very harsh. It hurts a lot.

 

[Miasmith]

I just won't to know if she feels what she is doing is wrong. I want to know if she feels guilty and if she misses him and regrets what she has done.

Yes they are very harsh words.

 

[Tanishq]

Miasmith, You may not be able to change her mind.

Are you trying to help her sons?

 

[Miasmith]

I am the girlfriend.

I want to know that she is not ok with this because it hurts me so much to see her mess around with his emotions. If she is not sorry then she needs to go away and stop dipping into his life to make shore that he is still miserable. She keeps messing with him, I thinks its because she wants him to know that she still controls him emotionally.

Its possible that she is doing this because she is more devastate about him not choosing her than what she is letting on. Her way of dealing with it is to cut him off and them randomly intrude.

Just a suggestion and I'm probably very wrong.

 

[Tanishq]

Miasmith, I don't think you are doing a wrong thing. You are trying to do something right. You are being his girl friend which is very good thing to do.

You can definitely support your boyfriend. Give him courage to stand on his own feet. You can discuss with him and make him stronger.

 

[Miasmith]

Yes, maybe I am being to selfish and making this to much about me.

I am and I'm not but I think my problem may stem from a bad point of view on the situation.

 

[Nebulustrix]

I have heard of many parents who have disowned their children over religious choices or homosexuality. Slightly different situations there, but they still have their similarities. From what I have seen in these situations, the parents (if healthy) are typically trying to show "tough love". They disagree so strongly with the choice their child is making, they use the disowning as a tool to show their child that they will not be in any way supportive of that lifestyle. It's one of those "washing their hands" / "I want no part of it" scenarios.

While I can kind of understand where a parent might be coming from with this, I think this is a very wrong way to go about expressing such a disagreement. It is an extreme measure that causes more pain. It doesn't help at all and drives your children further and further away. When someone makes a life choice, whether it's a different religion than their parents, a homosexual relationship, or a relationship with someone the parent doesn't approve of, they are making that choice from their own heart - and it was probably very hard to make since they knew it would go against their upbringing. Disowning a child over something like this (disowning a child at all) tells that child that your love is conditional.

The story of the prodigal son is a great example for all of us - even if we aren't religious. The father did not agree with his son's decision to take his inheritance and waste it, but he allowed him to make that choice. He did nothing to help his son while he was struggling or influence his decisions, but he left his door open. And when his son hit rock bottom and realized his error, the father welcomed him back. This is how we should all treat decisions others make that we do not agree with. And maybe, sometimes, we will find that it is ourselves that need the welcoming arms in the end - not our child.

Nobody is perfect, and even parents have misconceived notions about the world that can be corrected if they will open their eyes and be more accepting of decisions they might not like. Probably the best thing you can do, as the girlfriend, is continue to be the best person you can be and attempt to be understanding of the mother. Be supportive of your boyfriend, and don't put his mother down. Reach out to her with little acts of kindness. She will likely completely reject them and will treat you horribly, but don't retaliate. If you can be a good example of unconditional love, perhaps eventually, even if it takes years, she will see the error of her decision to disown her child.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I can't help but feel that you're dealing with an irrational person. As such, much of the advice given won't help at all.

I'm washing my hands of my mother because she is narcissistic and dealing with her is like living in the twilight zone. Normal laws of reason don't apply.

If your mother in law is the same, it's just best to walk away. Don't even try to understand her behavior. You won't be able to.

 

[therapybankrupt]

hat is going on, Is this an outrageous cry for her sons full love and devotion or is she just a silly old woman with serious control issues.

This is a very sad situation Miasmith. To better understand the mother you google personality disorders. Examples: Histrionic personality disorder and Narcissistic personality disorder. This is good place to start. It cant hurt. "Knowledge is power" This is my new mantra!