What's The Point Of Therapy?

[falling]

I've seen my new Therapist only twice now but I'm starting to feel frustrated. She said she was going to concentrate on CBT, something I have never done before. In the past all I did in therapy was talk about my trauma. It NEVER HELPED, only made things worse. So, when this T said she wasn't going to re-traumatize me by asking details of my past I was so relieved.

But now I'm finding T frustrating because I find that she is trying to make me think positively by talking about the only good thing in my life-my daughter. Which is fine but I've done that with myself over and over again. I love my daughter and am grateful that I have her but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a walking robot with no feelings. I don't think she understands how depressed I am. If I could just think about my daughter and all the things I have going for me in MY life and then simply snap out of this I WOULD. I've tried to be positive. I try to keep in mind the good things in life but I DON'T FEEL THEM. I don't think she is getting that. I keep telling her that the main problem is the lack of feeling. I don't feel anything. I 'get' that I am suppose to react a certain way in situations so I do that. Meaning I smile when my daughter hugs me, I laugh at my bf's jokes, I pretend to be excited over things my bf does for me.....but I'm only half here. I'm always-distracted. And I can't help it. I'm not trying to think about the traumas. The little details. The smells. But I can't help it. I get triggered and then I check out. So, my attention is obviously minimal. Which causes me to forget things-complete conversations.

Anyways, I feel like the T is simply saying the kind of things a friend would say in hopes of lifting your spirits when your having an 'off' day. I don't know what I expect her to say really. I realize that there is nothing anyone can say that will take the memories away but I just thought this one would have a new way of helping me.

I simply don't know what to do. I need to find a way to be able to be triggered but stay here. I need to find a way to deal with the triggers so they don't cause me to panic or check out.

Anyone else have this sort of problem? Anyone else feel like their T just doesn't get how much PTSD effects your every thought? Anyone else had CBT? Did you find it worked?

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey there, Falling,

First of all, I relate to SO MUCH of what you're saying. Okay? You're not alone. Do I walk around pretending everything's fine? Check. Reliving traumas? Check. Frustrated at times with therapy? Check. Depressed? Check. Checked out emotionally? Check. Forget things? Check. Miss entire sections of conversations? Check. And you're ahead of me... took me forever to admit that I wasn't actually experiencing emotions... I would totally project that onto my husband, and call him the robot!

I'm just guessing... and believe me, I'm no expert... but I think your therapist might be trying to find a small way into the way you're thinking and feeling. Thinking about good, positive things can cancel out always thinking about horrible, triggering things. And it does seem ridiculously small next to all the pain you must be feeling. But, if you and your therapist can just open up a tiny crack, then you can make that crack bigger. I mean, that's what comes to mind. You gotta find a way in, a way past experiencing either no feelings or so much pain.

For me... therapists keep asking me to list good things about myself. And I can't. I honestly have a horrible time with this. Because I can't think of any good things about myself. But I keep trying... because, if I can think good things about myself, then I can start thinking maybe my childhood wasn't acceptable, maybe I didn't deserve what happened to me, maybe it wasn't my fault, maybe my parents were bad, maybe I can mourn all I missed out on, maybe I can accept that I'm constantly afraid of being abandoned, maybe I have a million terrible ways that I deal with even the perceived threat of abandonment, and maybe, sometime, a zillion years from now, maybe I can be somewhat more healthy about it all. But the only way in is to start with tiny things. Like a list of good things about myself.

So... that's what I'm thinking. By no means do I know if I'm right, or even if this applies, or even if it's helpful... But, I thought, if nothing else, you would know that you're not the only one confused and worried about the whole process of therapy.

Don't give up! You deserve to feel better! And yeah, do it for your little girl. Do the hard things for her. Because she would love to see you feeling better, because I'm sure she wants everything good for her Mom.

D

 

[nomedic1]

I went through three T's before I found the right one, it's a very strong relationship you form so you need to trust the person you are talking to, hope you find the right one it helps when you do.

 

[The Albatross]

Thinking styles are habitual and it can be frustrating to change them. But CBT is quite effective in cracking the lid on what's underneath the symptoms. I think quite a lot of people want results in therapy without doing the work. It is the rigorous self examination that gives me the foundation to make better decisions and choices for myself. It is worth the effort and is a solid method.

You acknowledge talk therapy never worked, so what do you have to lose? Feelings of frustration and apprehension are normal because you are being asked to do something that is unfamiliar... change causes thoughts or feelings of uncomfortableness.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

What's the point of therapy--- huge question.. I wanted to tell you I totally relate. I need to go back to mine but it's so hard.

I think I know what you mean about not being excited, can't feel anything. it comes and goes but ultimately, feeling deadened (catchprase of "what's the point") is the major core struggle. I would like to quote Abstract, about this- "I think we can feel destroyed in a sense where life feels irrelevant as a concept" and that's what it never feels like anyone gets.

There is so much pressure in a way for life to not be irrelevant, and to have the ability to get excited and do life. But the fact is that normal doesnt exist, happiness is a practice.


I have never felt open to anyone that I was sent to.. having been "involved" in therapy from very young following the death of my mother. I have always suffered of course from distrust of anyone in a professional helping capacity (whether it is medical or mental)... the feeling that they just don't know what they are talking about and therefore I cannot benefit from anything they have to offer me. I have come to learn that this feeling is a defining feature of the complex PTSD. They are the living, we are ghosts...

For PTSD I don;'t know that there is any true treatment. Something my therapist has said to me several times, they don't really know how/why talk therapy actually works. So I have come up with a new impression of what therapy is for recently.

Sometimes it just takes the right person with the right skill. ultimately I've found that regardless of how educated or experienced someone is or wants to be with things such as PTSD or anxiety, the fact is that we all experience those inhibitions differently, we are human beings,--before anything positive will occur in a therapy setting, a human connection has to be made. The person across from you has to be in tune with authenticity. Sometimes other people need OUR help to support us, we have to treat them like we deserve their attention, and reach out for their support. That's the hugest challenge.

A slight tangent I think you might find relevant--- I read Mike Langlois' book, Reset, and found that he compares therapy to play. It is NOTHING like two friends having a conversation, being cheered up, or anything of the sort. In therapy, we are CHOOSING to battle monsters that we do not have to face. It is an EPIC undertaking. Ultimately it is a journey toward the center of yourself.. to ascertain your own identity for what it is, a particular challenge for the PTSD-afflicted. no one else can tell you your identity, they can only stand by your side, seeking to be on your team in the process.

So the paradox for therapy to PTSD is that the core thing that's hard is trusting someone or making a connection with them at all. But that's what its for... to make the connection and have an ally who helps us travel inward and battle those enemies we contain.

I feel like I went all over the place in this post, I edited it and rearranged some of the content, you got my brain spinning with the question. I hope what I meant is clear.

 

[Hashi]

Two sessions is not much, and I don't know if your therapist is trying to establish some reference points and get to know you.

CBT includes defined steps, for example taking an unhelpful thought and putting it through a set of questions - how realistic is it, what's the worst that could happen etc. That isn't all there is to CBT, but I'm saying that as an example of how it has a structure and strategies to follow in order to make changes to your thinking and behaviour. From what you're saying, it sounds like you haven't started that aspect yet, so you might need to give it more time and more sessions before you can judge whether CBT feels right for you.

Having said that, I didn't find it helpful for me at all. But everyone's different. I know there are people here who feel very helped by it. It may be for you, it might not be, but it seems a bit soon for you to be able to judge that.

Can you talk to the therapist about how you feel so far? Maybe she could explain her approach, and maybe she could adjust it to suit you more. It's fine to give your therapist the sort of feedback that you've written here. It's part of good therapy to talk about how you feel about the therapy itself.

 

[falling]

You gotta find a way in, a way past experiencing either no feelings or so much pain.

But, I thought, if nothing else, you would know that you're not the only one confused and worried about the whole process of therapy.

Finding a way in is just the thing I've been doing for sooooo long. I just feel like I've tried everything. And I get that, the list things you like about yourself thing is difficult. I am reminded of the times when I actually asked my friends why they are my friends. I often ask my bf why he stays with me....then I try to tell myself that I'm a good person and try to tell myself the good qualities I have but I just don't feel its true-you know? ugh.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and I am comforted by knowing that I'm not the only one finding therapy frustrating.


pssst, D123....one quality that I like about you is your ability to come across warm even through the written word only. :)

 

[falling]

Thinking styles are habitual and it can be frustrating to change them. But CBT is quite effective in cracking the lid on what's underneath the symptoms.

I agree and I am going with it for now. I am willing to do the work and try new methods even if at first I find it not working. I need to do more research on CBT to really understand it I guess. Maybe then I'll have more faith?! I'm glad you think it's a solid method. Is there any reading material you know of that could help me understand the process of CBT better?How have you found it's process?Were you frustrated/skeptical at first?

 

[falling]

I think I know what you mean about not being excited, can't feel anything. it comes and goes but ultimately, feeling deadened (catchprase of "what's the point") is the major core struggle. I would like to quote Abstract, about this- "I think we can feel destroyed in a sense where life feels irrelevant as a concept" and that's what it never feels like anyone gets.

There is so much pressure in a way for life to not be irrelevant, and to have the ability to get excited and do life. But the fact is that normal doesnt exist, happiness is a practice.


They are the living, we are ghosts...

THANK YOU FOR POSTING. Finally someone that totally gets what I'm saying about the not feeling life, and what's the point, and it is like I'm a ghost and others are living, I'm just simply being. You have no idea how relieved I am to read your post. YOU totally get it-I wish I could take you to my T! life feels VERY irrelevant. and so I'm simply tired of living. But no body I talk to understands that. I'm glad you quoted Abstract. She is VERY WISE and I am grateful to have found this forum.

So, have you been able to find a T that you can trust enough to respect that they can actually help?How do you deal with the 'what's the point of life' thinking?

.....again thank you for posting.

 

[falling]

CBT includes defined steps, for example taking an unhelpful thought and putting it through a set of questions - how realistic is it, what's the worst that could happen etc.
.... it has a structure and strategies to follow in order to make changes to your thinking and behaviour.

........Can you talk to the therapist about how you feel so far? Maybe she could explain her approach, and maybe she could adjust it to suit you more. It's fine to give your therapist the sort of feedback that you've written here. It's part of good therapy to talk about how you feel about the therapy itself.

I didn't know CBT had those types of strategies so thanks for telling me. In that case I don't think we have done any of that.

After each T session she has me write a simply review of if the session was helpful (scaled 1-10) and there is a place I can write a suggestion to help the next session improve.----I always put 5 and don't make suggestions. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want to lie so 5 it is. Tho, I guess I am lying in a sense as I really feel like the sessions have been a total waste of time. At the same I tell myself to just keep going with it as it is only early in our relationship. It's just frustrating and adds to the feeling of hopelessness. You know?

 

[The Albatross]

I actually only had talk therapy, but on my own started with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy techniques (Albert Ellis), went on to Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques, and am on Acceptance and Commitment skill sets and Dialectical Behavior Therapy now. It has been a process of self study... and like testing spaghetti... throwing it all at the wall and seeing what sticks.

 

[anthony]

Therapists just aren't created equally. IMHO... 70% or more of them are no better than counsellors. They're literally useless for dealing with tough traumatic experiences that occur to the majority of the population at some point within their lifetime. That makes it a minority that are really good at actual therapy and helping their clients.