Emotional Pain?

[Abstract]

I don't even feel like writing this as it all feels like too much effort and I can feel myself withdrawing from the world and people. But I am hoping if I force myself to do something that it might break down something and change things so here I am. Excuse me if this makes little sense.

Sometimes I feel this emotion that I can never totally pinpoint. Under my sternum and in some respects it feels as if the breath has been knocked out of me. I feel small and silent and vulnerable. It's not sadness. Like I just want to crawl under a chair and hide and stay there. Any ideas? Any suggestions?

I think my depression might have worsened as well but am not sure why.

 

[franciemarnie]

I so identify Abstract.

For the first time in my life this last year, I have become aware of body pain that no doctor could explain but which left me disconcertingly uncomfortable. It's been a whole new world!! Without maps or sign posts.

The most obvious one to me was TMJ or ear/jaw pain which I came to equate with anger and not expressing it.

It took me months to figure out that my feet and calf pain (mostly left side) was sadness. It would go away when I cried.

A crushing weight on my chest was more "abstract". I could only liken it to the feel, size and weight of a headstone. I got that every morning when I went off anti-depressants and feelings came flooding in. I was coming back to life.

I began Googling emotional pain and found that it is widely recognized.

But some of the pain or distracting discomfort I can't figure yet. Like I get a pain right at the heart of my heart that feels like an arrow piercing it. It's very uncomfortable. I think it has to do with the huge feeling of betrayal I have related to my brother.

I feel our bodies are trying to help us know what we've (they've) buried for years, but it's hard to translate their language and then figure out what to do about it.

I just bought Focusing by Eugene Gendlin. He gives a method to find out what's beneath that ambiguous sense in a gentle way but I haven't finished the book or tried it yet. It's a sort of talking back and forth with the body and feeling for a shift in the felt sense when you happen upon the meaning. He was at the University of Chicago in the late 70's.Too bad I never heard of him then.

Anyway, I'd love to hear others' experience too.

 

[quic]

What you describe sounds like emotional pain manifesting as a physical symptom. I went through testing for a heart problem that ended up being chest pain from stress and anxiety. The body will always reflect what is going on in the soul.

Many massage therapist will tell you they can find physical signs of emotional pain all over the body. They can also help release the physical/emotional trauma. Obviously it will not be a permanent fix, but temporary relief is always good.

You said you feel small, vulnerable and want to hide. Sounds like fear. Courage can never exist without fear. Brene Brown says "you can have courage or you can have safety, but you can't have both at the same time". I wish you courage!

 

[franciemarnie]

Also, I know this sounds a little nutty but can you crawl under a chair, or do what your body is giving you the feeling to do and see what happens?

I try to do that too if possible - listen to the image I get or metaphor and work with that. Like I used to literally put my hands up and push off that unseen headstone pressing me into the bed when I'd wake in the morning. I would scream into a pillow when my jaws felt locked shut.

It's a new world and I find experimenting is my only way out.

 

[mamachick]

Have you been isolating more than usual? I ask this because it is a real challenge for me to get out and socialize, yet when I dont, I end up feeling almost invisible in the world. It feels somewhat like you describe. I am finding that it is really important to find a support system, even if it is not for ptsd. I have recently joined a church divorce group that addresses depression, anger, isolation, etc. Even though I dont talk about ptsd, I feel less alone and less insignificant. I might be totally wrong. Just wondering.

 

[Hashi]

I'm sorry you feel vulnerable and want to crawl under a chair, although I can understand it. I like what franciemarnie says, about actually crawling under a chair... or maybe a table, realistically? I used to have to get under a table when I lived abroad and there were earthquakes (which seriously scared me), and it can be quite comforting.

Sternum is the breastbone, right? When I had craniosacral therapy, the practitioner was also fully trained as an osteopath and one session he felt that my breastbone needed adjusting, which apparently meant him pressing down on it incredibly hard and me trying to remind myself that he was a trained osteopath and knew what he was doing.

The sensation of him doing that gave me two very strong feelings about this area of the body. One was that it was very protective, like it was a very thick bone. Almost like the skull - a kind of massive protection. So if someone presses down on it, the bone takes the pressure. It's protecting what's underneath.

The second feeling was that what's underneath is very, very vulnerable, being the lungs and heart. There's something about the most fundamental survival here. I remember my first aid training and what we were taught to put In order of priority: breathing, bleeding, then broken bones. So the lungs are above everything, the heart is next, and everything else is below that.

I felt afraid when he was pressing down so hard, but I could also feel how much this bone was between him and my lungs and heart, protecting them. I think I felt those things equally at the same time.

In terms of feelings, I'd say that for me what I'd associate this with is closest to shock. In an objective sense that could be any kind of shock - physical trauma, emotional trauma, any big impact on the system. In a less subjective and PTSD sense, personally I would relate that feeling to things becoming more real. A layer of protection falling away. The immediate impact on breathing/existing and feeling.

So, from my viewpoint, I'd probably see this as progress and moving forward. I'd also see it with a great deal of sympathy that progress and moving forward are usually very, very far from easy. A lot of adjustement can be needed.

I just bought Focusing by Eugene Gendlin. He gives a method to find out what's beneath that ambiguous sense in a gentle way but I haven't finished the book or tried it yet.

My craniosacral therapist/osteopath recommended that book to me. I'd like to completely advocate for it and at the same time say - be careful. Tuning into your body could suddenly blow open all sorts of things. But tuning into your body - carefully, in a contained, protected way, and with a lot of safety around that - can be astonishing.

 

[arfie]

I get a radiating sensation from my celiac plexus, that nerve mass which sits just below the lower V of our rib cage. The sensation turns me into a whimpering ninny. It has taken my breath away at times. I still have not found a cause for it, but I admit I have not looked very hard. I treat it like the first symptom of a panic attack. With practice, I have learned to hold steady and let it pass. The calmer I stay, the quicker it passes. Like francie, I sometimes give into that urge to crawl into a small, dark place. At a few stages of my recovery I have reserved cabinet space for the purpose. Offers me a primal security somehow.

Hope you find what it is for you, Abstract.

 

[Britt.f7]

I have, in the past, felt that way. Especially if I am isolating myself. It must be scary at times to feel that pain. Sometimes knowing in our minds that it is because of this or that helps to lessen the pain. At least it does for me, because it takes away some of the fear. I wish you lessening of pain.

 

[fly away home]

This is very interesting as I find I feel all my emotions physically, have never considered them being any other way than a physical presence in my body. Heart aches for sorrow or being emotionally hurt like the arrow you were talking about and jaw clenches from fear, I shake a lot too with fear. I also feel like my internal organs have been crushed like a ball of tin foil when I have been let down or if I'm feeling depressed like I am collapsing in on myself and disappearing. All these things are physical pain not just descriptive but very much a physical sensation. I do have massive trouble expressing my emotions so perhaps this is why, they have become internal sensations because I won't/cant't let them out. Sorry I cant be of much help other than say, yes, I know exactly what you mean.

 

[franciemarnie]

Hashi talking about the sternum and her experiences reminded me how they had to break thru my dad's to do quadruple bipass. It is in the way of the heart then in a sense. Protecting it. Your heart may be feeling the need for protection. Getting under a chair would be protecting yourself.

Lately I need to sleep on a cozy couch we have that somehow - scrunched up to it's back side - makes me feel safe, protected and loved in a deep sense. Held by a benevolence. My adult self doesn't seem to need it, but my kid self does.

We've got to take care of ourselves - all of our selves. I don't have DID but there are little franciemarnie parts inside there.

 

[DMerish]

Sometimes I feel this emotion that I can never totally pinpoint. Under my sternum and in some respects it feels as if the breath has been knocked out of me. I feel small and silent and vulnerable. It's not sadness. Like I just want to crawl under a chair and hide and stay there.

Abstract,

I've had these sensations/feelings also at times, almost identical to how you've described.

I've noticed that when they present they usually come after one or a combination of things have been happening: (1) more stress/more feelings of being overwhelmed (2) physical tiredness and (3) isolation coupled with boredom.

I've also noticed that along with the sensations/feelings that I also tend to sigh more frequently and have the need to inhale deeply often. When/if I notice taking in those deep breaths if I muster the motivation to get outside and intentionally do some deep breathing while taking in visual impressions of nature that it helps the sensation/feelings subside.

Drew

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I don't claim to know what your mystery feeling is, but I had this feeling for years that I would describe to psychiatrists as not quite anxiety, maybe ADD, it felt all noisy... Only this year did I recognize this constant feeling was terror. Fear x100. And it had been there so many years I couldn't recognize it. Feelings are weird like that.