My Daughter, I Think She Has Ptsd

[Venusian]

I just had a discussion with my ex-husband's wife. She is worried about my daughter and what she has said has me worried too. She described PTSD that was probably triggered by a lot of stress my daughter has been under recently. I know telling you what has been happening and what happened in the past would help but it is not my story to tell. She has had things happen that would fit the criteria, I will leave it at that. It is completely unrelated to what caused my PTSD. What I heard tonight is exactly where I was 2 years ago. The anxiety, the confusion, the irrational fears, irrational until you think of PTSD and triggers.

I can't believe I did it but I told my ex's wife that I have PTSD. I told her how PTSD can affect you and how it can make you feel before you know what is wrong. I told her things about my daughter that she did not fully know because my daughter was too young to remember fully. She was thinking my daughter has post partum depression and maybe she is right but the baby is almost 2 now. While we were talking she realized that she saw these symptoms years ago, before the kids. It is not new, just intensified and it sounds like my daughter is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

There are so many things my daughter kept from me because I have been having such a hard time recently with my health and with getting my life back together. I am sad and a little angry that she would not talk to me but I am glad that she has someone she feels she can talk to. I am glad that her stepmother loves her enough to talk to me about her. But my daughter won't see a doctor, she won't go to talk to anyone that could help. She doesn't want to listen. I told her stepmother that she was doing all she could, she listens and gives advice. If my daughter doesn't want to hear it right now she just has to keep listening and keep giving advice and maybe my daughter will begin to hear it.

I wish I knew what to do.

 

[Abstract]

Very sorry Venusian. I can only imagine how hard that would be on so many levels. No advice I am afraid but support nonetheless.

 

[jd9900]

I too am sorry, it sounds like an extremely difficult situation. I have 2 kids - both teenage boys - and they in any given moment in time can seem either completely well adjusted or about to go "bell tower" crazy. When I don't know what to do, I try to remember that love, for me at least, is all empowering. So I kiss em on the head if I can, I tell them how much I love them, and that I am here for them. I do what I can within my control to help them, and advise them as best I can about matters outside of my control. And basically I just have a lot of hope that I did a good enough job while I was there for them that they will know how to handle the tough things now that they are older. The fact you are willing to try to find help and that research has led you here should tell you that you've been trying very hard. And I bet, if you were willing to do this, you probably were willing to do (and did) a lot of other things right in her life. Take comfort in the good things you've been able to do for her, and that you are always going to be there for her. :)

 

[macca]

One thing we really don't want as parents is for our kids to go through what we went through. I think it is totally awesome that you have the channels open with your daughter's step-mother - and you are supporting your daughter through her, even though you are unable to support your daughter directly right now, since she hasn't approached you. Of course you don't want your daughter to break down, but if worst came to worst and she did - maybe she would finally seek help. You are doing everything you can do.

 

[Lucycat]

I have a friend who I thought had PTSD - and told him so. He completely blanked me, told me that his experiences were not as bad as other people's so it could not be. He sought advice from his GP who was not terribly helpful. So he went on a journey of private medical specialists, looking for some rare condition to explain his symptoms. He spent months, a great deal of money and had many tests and investigations. They came up with nothing.

Then he spoke with a doctor friend of his wife, who suggested he might have PTSD! He told me when it was confirmed, and I struggled not to say 'I told you so!'. But, in reality I am just pleased that he is now getting the help and support he needs.

@Venusian I am sorry that your daughter is struggling just now. I hope that she will come to understand what is happening and seek the help she deserves. Until then, as others have said all you can do is support her and be there for her.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm sorry your daughter is hurting. I am so happy that she has both a mother and a step-mother to love her and help her.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

I have a stepdaughter who also struggles. I've tried to discuss PTSD with her, because of her history, but she will not seek out help. I just keep on trying to reach her but I understand how painful it is to watch your child go through it and feeling helpless.

 

[Venusian]

I hope that she will come to understand what is happening and seek the help she deserves. Until then, as others have said all you can do is support her and be there for her.

I know you are right. I have been writing this post all morning. I have been reading other threads and discovering some of my own advice to others that apply in this situation. It is easy to give advice, even good advice but it is so much harder to try and follow it.

I try to remember that love, for me at least, is all empowering.

I will keep trying to remember this. It is great advice.

I am trying to put myself back where she is now, how I was feeling 2 years ago before I joined the forum. She hasn't been diagnosed and may not understand where most of the feelings are coming from. I am only speculating at this point but the description started ringing a lot of bells. I was isolating myself, I closed off my family and even now it is hard to talk to them. I don't know how to talk to them which is why this is so hard. It is easier talking to strangers and therapists who aren't there to try and make everything better, they are there to listen and give you the feedback you need, not what you want. When I did talk to family I just said everything was OK and I hid all the pain I was in. Just like she is doing now.

I will talk to her this afternoon, I am hoping that she is sleeping while the children are away. She was getting so little sleep before. I don't know how to bring this up or if I even should. If she doesn't choose to talk to me about things will I just drive her further away? She will know her stepmother talked to me and if I try to push will that make her close off from her? She will have no one to talk to then.

I should know how to handle this but I don't. @TwoDee2ThreeDee you are so right about that helpless feeling. All I can do is try and be here when she wants to talk. Thank you all for your replies, I am sure I will need more advice when I finally talk to her, she hasn't answered the phone. I hope that all she needs is some rest and that it isn't as bad as I was told, it is a faint hope though.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Venusian,
I think you ARE doing everything you can. It was a leap of faith telling your ex's wife about your PTSD, but now perhaps it will be easier for her (the wife) to be the go-between? Not that it's an ideal situation, but it is the best of what you've got.

I know you want to do more, but sadly you can't. Your daughter may have to hit rock bottom of sorts before asking for help. I urge you to be prepared for this as best as possible as your grandchild will need extra care during this time. Keep up the support by proxy for now as it's all you can do. This is your daughters journey and sadly, for now, she is choosing to suffer. I wish you the best.

 

[Britt.f7]

I think just by telling her you are there for her, that will help. I mean, as much as you can be. I hate when people don't "bother" me because they think I have enough on my plate. If anything, I welcome the distractions. I think that's all you can do, until she is willing to go further. Be there for her.

My son suffers from depression. It started in his early teens. It has been very hard for me to witness this, but I had to let him know I was there. After all he's seen me through some terrible bouts, I know he did not want to add to that. Thing was, he wasn't. It was so hard not to be able to heal him. Last thing I ever wanted was to watch my child suffer. I try to be there for him, last year was very difficult, he is 17 now. Eventually, he was open to therapy, open to medicine, because his mom was. We do our best to live by example, even if our examples aren't always so good.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[Venusian]

I finally got to talk to her, she is going in to see a doctor this afternoon. She has been experiencing a lot of dissociation the past couple of weeks and thought she was going crazy. But it seems like she has accepted that she needs help and is glad that someone is taking her to see a doctor and begin getting her help. Her father and stepmother spoke to her and brought up the possibility of PTSD and it fit with her. I think because of the talk I had last night it gave them all some answers.

 

[jd9900]

That is wonderful news!