How To Get Out Of A Setback

[Reds]

This is the second week since I saw my abuser but I am still struggling to be ok. My relationship with my partner is not going well. I can't get myself to concentrate on work. It has been days since I ate, I just can't take anything in. On Monday I couldn't tell my therapist what was going on with me. Today I terminated my relationship with her and made it clear she should never contact me again. I am trying to get a new job in a different province. I still can't get myself to tell anyone what happened the weekend I saw him. I don't think I remember, what happened when I saw him. I feel like something died or I died. Just don't know what is going on with me.

How do I get out of this? Why is it such a major setback? How do you get out of such setbacks? I need to go back to a good place.

How do you all get out of a setback?

 

[BloomInWinter]

Reds, with all the stress you're under, anyone would be feeling a lot of anxiety, frustration, fear, and exhaustion. Even those with no PTSD.

You've got so much to deal with right now, it's a shame you fired your therapist. Do you have a safe friend to speak to in person about all you're going through?

Can you put your job search on hold for a week or two? Also, you might tell your partner what is going on. Otherwise, s/he might assume you are directing your feelings at him/her.

Is it at all possible your firing of your therapist might be a "flight" reaction to the emotional overload of being triggered? The timing of your distress from your triggering seems to be within the realm of possibility. If so, you might change your mind when you feel better. I fired my previous therapist twice during two very frightening times. Both times a trusted friend was able to help me feel better just by sitting with me and letting me talk.

When triggered, I find myself using avoidance/isolation behaviors. I feel like a wounded animal and the way I get through that is to take good self-care. I tell someone who is able to be there emotionally for me. I drink warm beverages, snuggle with my dog and kids, and play light games for distraction.

After a week or two, I begin to get my equilibrium once more. Still, though, it's a fight within to not drive off somewhere and start life all over where nobody knows me.

Hang in there. It will get better.

 

[Reds]

I do not have friends, I only talk to my therapist and my partner doesn't know much about what is going on. Just don't want to feel like I am burdening him. I feel like I just want to go away where no one knows me. If possible hide somewhere where there are no people.

Is it at all possible your firing of your therapist might be a "flight" reaction to the emotional overload of being triggered? The timing of your distress from your triggering seems to be within the realm of possibility. If so, you might change your mind when you feel better.

I don't know why I fired her maybe it is because I am going through a hard time.

I can stop my job search but I also need to make sure I don't see him again, so the sooner I move the better.

I just wanna hide away in a whole somewhere. I do not know what is going on with me right now.

 

[Nativia]

I almost got into my car a week ago when I hit full-tilt and drove to Michigan from Florida. Thank goodness I didn't. Sometimes what you need is rest and medicine. Do you see a psychiatrist for meds? I would give a call and let them know what you are feeling and that you are really feeling the need to RUN. That is the flight part, and I promise you that running never helps. You need real care right now. You need your partner more than ever. You are not a burden to anyone. This stuff you are saying is not really true, just a reflection of how bad the stress is and how low you really are feeling. Give a call to your doctor or ex-T. Alternatively you can walk into any ER and explain things as you have to us.

Run to help, don't run away! Always here for you...

 

[Jane.l]

You want to run away from everything and you want it to go away - of course you do - but you also know that's not possible which makes you feel trapped and hopeless - been there so often !

Did you plan to fire your T ? Did you think it through or was it a knee jerk reaction to something she said /did ?

Why do you not want to involve your husband ? is it because you are worried about his reaction to your abuser, are you concerned he would want to 'sort ' the situation for you ?
Just trying to understand a little more .

 

[digger]

I'm sorry you're finding things tough.

my partner doesn't know much about what is going on

Your partner can't support you unless they know what's going on. Maybe give them the opportunity.

Is talking to the friend who recommended the therapist to you an option? They must have cared some about you/your situation to help you before.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Reds, my best suggestion based up my own struggles is to contact your therapist and tell her exactly what it happening. You don't have to know or understand your symptoms and distress right now, but she will. It is very apparent that your past trauma is driving your distress right now.

Isolating will only make it worse. Isolating will make this triggering just another bad time in your life instead of it being an issue that you and your therapist can approach and conquer...so this trigger will eventually hold no power over you anymore.

Our PTSD tells us nobody is safe, we need to deal with it ourselves, we'd be a burden on others. What is perceived by others on the outside of our heads is that we are moody, easily provoked, wanting no human contact. This further isolates us from loved ones so the next time, we're even more alone.

We can choose to allow the symptoms of our trauma(s) drive us into further wastes of our lives, or at any time we can choose to push past those and face them down in therapy. We do have options. Some days, I do better with facing the reality better than others.

 

[Reds]

@Jane.I I did plan to fire my t nor did she say/do anything wrong. I just don't like involving my boyfriend especially now he is writing exams so I will only see him next week.

@digger1, I can't really talk to her about things. She doesn't know the t she referred was for me. I keep my business to myself. It is better that way no one ever gets to judge me.

@BloomInWinter, I sent her a text but I am now scared of what she will say or do. I am now thinking I should switch off my phone

 

[Nativia]

Please don't be afraid, Honey. This may be the beginning of the end for your trauma. You are so brave!

 

[digger]

It is better that way no one ever gets to judge me.

I understand that. But sometimes I think the things we do to protect ourselves can be the things that harm us too. No-one gets to judge you, but perhaps no-one gets to help you either?

 

[The Albatross]

First things first. Provide for your basic needs. Practice them until they are met. Eating, sleeping, etc.

Get things "right sized" and resist the urge to awfulize and pile on stuff that compound or exacerbate the matter at hand like the messaging statements you make in your initial post: "I still can't get myself to tell anyone what happened the weekend I saw him." "I don't think I remember, what happened when I saw him." "I feel like something died or I died. Just don't know what is going on with me."
"Why is it such a major setback? How do you get out of such setbacks?" "I need to go back to a good place".

Frankly? I take charge of the conversation... I allow feelings but I don't allow them to steer the conversation/messaging I'm giving myself. Feelings may have a place at "my" table, but my rational mind sits at the head of the table if you know what I mean. I tend to steer to the most immediate personal need first and go after things sequentially by priority focusing on each hurdle until they resolve... yeah work. However long it takes to get the rebound or negate the setback.

 

[BloomInWinter]

It's normal to be flooded with anticipatory anxiety before communicating with our therapist. It feels scary to finally trust someone. It will not always be so difficult. Good for you for your courage! You deserve to be so proud of yourself!