Abuser Just Contacted Me

[mytai]

So I'm at work right now, my abuser (not family member, but person I was sold to in trade for pot) just contacted me via the internet. I'm losing it right now. I'm not holding it together, I'm pacing my office completely panicked. I know he can't get me, he is too far away, doesn't know where I live or work, but I am losing it right now.

I emailed my T, and I sincerely hope she emails me back tonight. I was not prepared for a situation like this to come up. I just saw my T last night and don't have an appointment book for 3 weeks almost, I'm on her cancellation list in case something opens up. I am freaking out and can't hold it together.

I'm trying my hardest to ground myself but it caught me so off guard, I'm not doing ok at all. I'm completely alone at the office right now and I am so scared.

 

[Candleflames]

It'll be ok for all the reasons you have stated. Just breathe for a min.

Can you call a friend to meet you at home or to go over to their home for a bit while you get your bearings?

 

[RussH]

Mytai, if you need to, get out of the office and go take a walk. Go find a nice peaceful, beautiful park where you can appreciate the beauty of your surroundings, call a friend and ask them to join you,

How does your abuser know how to contact you? Is there a way to sever that connection? If there is then cut off his communication with you.

 

[macca]

Mytai, I agree with Candleflames, keep talking yourself down - he does not have the opportunity or ability to get you now. Do you have a person in your life who makes you feel safe? Perhaps try and be with them now, if not, then try and be somewhere where you don't feel alone, anywhere that feels safe, then you'll be better able to calm yourself. I'm sure your T will try to fit you in. You seem to have had a rough patch lately (hospital), and that might have made you feel more vulnerable. He can't get you, you are safe, keep repeating it.

 

[Jane.l]

I don't know your story - is this person dangerous ?

 

[mytai]

@Candleflames I am at work for another hour, I moved recently to escape a current abuser so I don't have any friends near by that aren't working right now. One is gone for the weekend, and the other two are nurses on shift right now.

@RussH I can't leave, I'm at work for another hour before I can go home. It's also 8pm where I am and very dark - plus I'm sick with pneumonia and outside is not the best solution for me at this time :( I'm not sure how he knew how to contact me, I deleted the email account he knew about, he contacted me through the new one I set up. I can block him but it doesn't fix what just happened.

@macca I don't have a safe person anymore, I don't have that support in my life aside from my T. I know my T will do the best she can to accommodate me, but she can't cancel appointments for me. Yes I agree that being very sick and in the hospital recently could contribute to my inability to calm down right now. I'm very panicked right now.

@Jane.l He was dangerous when he has physical access to me, but other than emotional damage he is continuing to cause he isn't an immediate threat. I just am not prepared to handle him contacting me, and I am not ok because of it.

 

[Candleflames]

Keep telling yourself he doesn't know how to find you in real life. Save the email but move it to another folder so you don't have to look at it. When you are able to get yourself calmer you might just want to take some legal action and that email is evidence.

It may be that he is sending out emails to addresses that could be yours. I have an email that is my real life name for professional exchanges. Anyone who knows my name could contact me this way. He may not know for certain that he is contacting you. It might have been a lucky guess.

It must be really freaky to get contacted like this. Can you send your friends a text or leave a message to check in with you when they get off work or during a break? Even if it's early in the morning it might give you some peace to know someone will have an eye open for you. Or what about a neighbor that you trust. They can let you know how things are around the neighborhood if you have any concerns.

 

[mytai]

@Candleflames I have no credibility with the police, especially in regards to this person because the person who sold me to him created an alibi for him and also told the police I wasn't mentally unstable and lied. So legal action isn't an option anymore.

I do use my first and last name, which is a unique combination, so yes it could be a lucky guess on his part. I didn't respond. I don't want to respond.

My friends don't really know what is going on, I keep them at a distance with this. They are all busy in their own lives and don't have time to concern themselves with my problems. I live in a secured apartment building, so there are security cameras at the entrances. My T hasn't responded to my email, don't know if she will.

 

[Powder]

Mytai,

I'm so sorry! This has been a really bad time for you lately with pneumonia and now this out of left field.

• Do you have any meds for anxiety you can take?

• Have you eaten and drank enough water today? If not, I know you don't feel at all like doing it, but I often find having a snack somehow helps.
• Could one of the nurses pick you up at your work? You could tell them you feel too dizzy to drive, and not elaborate. I'm sure they will assume it' mostly the pneumonia and going back to work still sick.

I am so sorry! I wish I could help more.

 

[DMerish]

Mytai, I agree with Candleflames, keep talking yourself down - he does not have the opportunity or ability to get you now

Ditto! ^

Can you get the phone number of a domestic crisis line and call them to hold your hand, and help talk you down at least until you're able to get to a safe place.

Would what he wrote in the email seem threatening in any way to an outside person?

 

[RussH]

not family member, but person I was sold to in trade for pot

Mytai,
I have had pnemumonia, and I know how bad you must feel; absolutely worn out with no energy at all. You should be home in bed allowing your body to rest and heal.

I couldn't help but think of your original post you stated "not family member, but person I was sold to in trade for pot" You do know this person does not own you? I know you are hurting, and I truly pray you find healing both physically and emotionally.

 

[Candleflames]

Not responding is best. I'm glad you live is a place that has some security. I hope it also gives you some peace of mind.

It's been a bit since you got the email and I wanted to check in with you. How are you feeling now? Has the emotional whirlwind settled at all?

Drink lots of water and rest. I am sorry all this is coming up while you are sick. I should have stated that before.