Abuser Just Contacted Me

[mytai]

@Muse I have a new prescription for anti-depressants, however I have to wait to start taking them until I finish my antibiotics. I have been eating today, better than I have been anyways, I can always stand to drink more water - especially with my kidney problems.

@DMerish I'm home now, but still feeling very unsafe after the email. If anyone were to read the email he wrote to me tonight parts of it could be seen as threatening. A vast majority of the email was "reminding" me of things he's done, things he wished he could do to me now, and a few threatening comments tossed in.

@RussH I am better than I was. I was in the hospital because I was so sick with pneumonia and a kidney infection, that my heart was straining and I was in danger of stopping. I'm out of the hospital, and needed to go back to work the very next day. I'm sleeping when I can, but if I allowed myself enough time to fully heal and rest I would be in a financial strain again.

You do know this person does not own you?

I understand that logically, but emotionally I don't. Being sold in trade for drugs or money feels like that person owns a piece of you.

@Candleflames I'm still feeling very uneasy, very panicky. The email stirred up a lot of feelings and memories that I don't feel equipped to handle. My T and I have not even gotten to the point where I'm starting to deal with my traumas yet, we are still working at creating safe places for me in her office, and also working on grounding techniques still. She is trying to help me get to a point where I don't need to dissociate so much. I feel very lost and very confused and scared.

 

[WillyKat]

I agree that his email reaching you might be just a lucky guess. As you know, if you don't respond, he won't know if he succeeded or not.

Agree too that you should do everything you can to deal with pneumonia. That stuff is no joke and is no doubt contributing to your outlook right now.

And do keep breathing and keep working on grounding. Those techniques may take a bit longer to work this time, but they do help. Try this too: think of all your current stress as being in a bucket. Now put a valve at the bottom of the bucket and open it. Let the stress start dripping out.

I say drip because too often we try to dump the bucket and can't and it all stays in. So let it drip and watch all the stress leak away. Just let the bucket empty at its own pace. You can't rush this.

We're here for you. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

 

[WillyKat]

Keep that email; that's the evidence you need to deal with that creep.

 

[mytai]

@WillyKat Thanks for the reminder. Breathing is one thing my T has to constantly remind me to do, it's the first thing I forget to do. I'm trying to pull out everything my T has taught me in ways of grounding, I'm cycling through them. I've never heard of the bucket analogy before, I like it.

I wish keeping the email would help me, but that would require the police to do something other than dismiss me. I feel hopeless when it comes to receiving help and protection from the police.

 

[DMerish]

Just put the email in a folder (for now) so you're not reminded of it when you open up your email account. Just keep it, but don't re-read it.

Take care of yourself: eat something (if you can), and drink lots of tea or water; put on some soothing music (I like the RelaxChannel o YouTube), and maybe take a warm bath to help relax you and sooth your lungs.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. You choose; I'll just throw it out there . . . Can you contact the management, or superintendent, of your building? Tell them that you got a threatening email; that's it's probably nothing, but you just want to make the cameras are on and the place is secure?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well according to your own reasoning, mentally unstable people have no recourse against harassing emails. I don't care if you're bat-shit-crazy. It doesn't mean someone can harass you. Now you have proof. He just crushed his own damn alibi, right? You can ignore it all and hope it will all just go away (it won't) or you can do something about it. The choice is up to you.

I know you like it all fluffy, but I really felt the need to point out your flawed thinking pattern.

 

[digger]

Hope you're feeling a bit better and got some rest.

It sounds like he just blew his alibi. Keep the email but don't respond to it in any way. When you're in a better space mentally and physically you can give some thought to whether you want to take it further with the police now that you have evidence.

 

[mytai]

@Solara Flawed thinking pattern? More like personal experience. I've gone to the police and they refuse to do anything. Going to the police and being told there isn't enough evidence (despite physical evidence being very obvious) or that I've tried to report too much is very damaging.

@digger1 I have no intentions of ever responding to this email. I haven't deleted it yet, but it seems pointless to give it to the police. I have had emails in the past from him, I have handed them over to the police, I have also allowed access to my email accounts to the police, despite ALL of that, the police still have come back to me stating that it isn't enough.

Can you see where my hesitation comes from in going to the police? I've had proof like this in the past, I've surrendered it to the police and it still comes back to slap me in the face saying it isn't enough.

 

[digger]

Can you see where my hesitation comes from in going to the police?

Totally yes, my advice would still be to keep it though.

How are you feeling about it today?

 

[mytai]

@digger1 I will still keep it, to at least discuss it with my T.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it. I'm actually not having a good breathing day, lungs feel very full and I'm off to work shortly. Trying to put the email at the back of my mind until I can discuss it with my T. Still haven't heard from her yet. I didn't have a good night though, had a lot of nightmares/flashbacks. I can't wait until I can start taking this new anti-depressant, I think I have 4 more days including today before I can start.

 

[Candleflames]

It's probably going to be a while before your emotions can settle but I hope things are less difficult.

Trying to get help from the police can be an infuriating process. I can understand why you want to give up on that avenue. Please don't though. It could be that you haven't found the right officer who will take you seriously. Maybe you can try looking for a victims advocate lawyer that is willing to fight for you to get some protection.

I hope you are off work today. If you are I suggest some hot tea, some warm blankets and one of your favorite movies. Bundle up and distractions.

 

[mytai]

@Candleflames No I worked today, my day off isn't until Thursday. But I'm home already. Curled up in bed with my cat watching movies.

Trying to get help from the police hasn't been just infuriating, it's been devastating too. I've gone to 4 different police units. Three in my country and one in his country. All four have denied me help, only two worked at a case for a while before telling me there wasn't enough. I don't feel like I can trust the police to help me. I don't have the support system to help me if I am denied by the police again. The police told me last time that it is extremely difficult when dealing with the legal system between two different countries.