Answers For People Who Are Ignorant

[shimmerz]

In keeping with the post regarding words that make you go 'bananas', does anyone have responses that they use to in response to these? For instance - does anyone have a response to someone who says - for instance, 'don't you think you should just move on'? Or 'that was a long time ago, forget about it?'

Just curious. I was wondering if it might help anyone.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Usually I am just rendered speechless when I'm told stuff like that and then days later I come up with brilliant things to say :P Mostly that PTSD is not about clinging to the past. PTSD is here and it's happenning now, not yesterday...

Maybe you could say that PTSD is your brain recreating trauma by itself... it's not a conscious choice. It baffles and amazes me that people would even think so ><

 

[shimmerz]

I was called 'mentally ill' somewhere along the way because of my PTSD. For those of you who take offense to this like I do, it is actually a 'psychological wounding' not an illness.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

When I've talked to people about different aspects like intrusive thoughts and they say something like "why don't you just stop thinking about it?". I tend to respond with "they're called intrusive thoughts because that's what they are I don't sit down and invite them in".

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@shimmerz it's probably the associations (some) people draw that makes "mentally ill" a near insult. But for me it is no different from being physically ill, except it's invisible (there is just no way to have our brains exposed to people so that they can see what's going on in there...). To me, ptsd and bpd (which I both have) are illnesses, and illness implies that there's a cure to it.

I get where you're coming from though. People just seem to infer that having a mental illness renders people completely uncapable of rational thought, which of course is a pile of :poop:. Likewise, one might have a recognized chronic disease such as epilepsy which affects ones life - but doesn't transform him into a moron... there's always more sides to people than just illness...

Both diseases are invisible (most of the time) and caused by problems with the brain's wiring.... so faulty setup or programming might provide another way to get it through to people... for me, having a good idea of what was really going on in my brain, and being able to explain it well, has generally gotten me respect from the people who understood my explanation :)

 

[shimmerz]

@Radise, I certainly understand what you are saying. I just find that many people that I hear from talk about mental illness as something that is inherited and therefore cannot be cured. Whereas to me a wounding always heals. Funny how perspective can make such a difference and doesn't need to be the same for everyone!

Love and Light,

Shimmerz

 

[DMerish]

Haven't read the other replies, so I may be repeating something already said.

Here are a few examples of how I'd respond, depending on how much I like and/or care about the other person:

"You're joking, right?"

"Yea, I agree. I wish it were that easy. Hey, feel like trading brains with me?" (then laugh, big, and brush it off)

"My bad. I probably should have told you in advance that I was hoping for support and understanding from you, rather than advise. I'll consider your suggestions though. Thanks." (change subject)

"Wow! I can't believe you just said that. I assumed you knew more about PTSD (or how to respond when someone's hurting and sharing very personal info). I won't mention _________ with you again. My mistake. Sorry." (change subject)

 

[Meadowsweet]

does anyone have a response to someone who says - for instance, 'don't you think you should just move on'? Or 'that was a long time ago, forget about it?'

I would take those responses to be telling me that that person isn't able to understand. It's not necessarily that they don't understand deliberately, or don't care, it's that they don't have the ability to. By looking at it this way, it helps me to take it less personally.

I admit that I don't talk about it much anyway, but if someone shows that they don't have the ability to understand, I think it is best to accept that, and appreciate what they can do.

 

[shimmerz]

I think it is best to accept that, and appreciate what they can do.

I am working on it. I do take it as a personal assault though. That of course, is my issue. Thanks Meadowsweet.

 

[ms spock]

Kindness does help a lot. You can take it as a personal assault and it is hurtful I understand.

But it is also good that you find out a person has no understanding or lacks insight before you share more of your stuff which would be even more hurtful.

Many people can't deal with many things. So perhaps take the best out of someone. They are a gardening friend or a going to a movies friend rather than a talking deep and meaningful friend.

It is not about you - it is about their capabilities as a person and maybe they have stuff they have never dealt with or maybe they are not an emotional person or maybe they just don't have the ability.

I think Meadowsweet put it nicely.

 

[Meadowsweet]

@shimmerz , it's perfectly natural to feel hurt and upset when someone doesn't understand, and for some of us, it can be a reminder of childhood feelings from lack of care, dismissal, or rejection.

At the moment I have no friendships, because I can't cope with them. So I look at what I could do to manage in friendships. What I've found is that my expectations on friendships are different to others. I have an inner child who is still looking for someone to love and care for her. Whereas most adults just want to de-stress after work and chat about whatever happened today.

It's hard to let go of the hope and expectation that one day/tomorrow somebody will notice and provide for the childs needs. It's like saying to the inner child, that Santa didn't come because he never existed. That's what hurts. The child got stuck inside an adults body and is now more invisible than ever. The only person who can see the inner child and care for her now, is ourselves. Sorry if that sounds more confusing than anything - it's where I am in therapy and is confusing to me.

 

[shimmerz]

I agree with you Ms. Spock. I wish it was just about 'talking to people' and being able to pick and choose who knows.

It is difficult to keep things away from others in my case. I just 'go into states' on an instants notice. It could be an ambulance siren, it could be the way the sun shines, it could be a child crying and I am no longer functional (frozen state) or on the ground passed out. It is tiresome for others I am sure, but I have to say it is not something I want either and am doing all I can to get well. I wish the judgments could be saved for another time rather than while I am dealing with whatever is going on in my head and body. These people have known me for a long time. They know how hard I am working on this and why this happens to me.

So I have learned to hermitize myself and trust only those that can deal with my responses. Even then I limit my visits so that I do not disturb anybody.

Love and Light,
Shimmerz