-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
It Happened. Now What?
- Post starter mytai
- Start date
- Status
- Post starter
- #99
I need to say this, don't know if I will be able to tell my T. It is killing me inside.
Those of you who have read parts of my trauma diary would know that when I was little my uncle branded me with his initials by burning them into my skin. You would also know that as I got older it faded and I was left with just a faint scar line which no longer resembled his initials. You would also know that at the end of November I got a tattoo on my shoulder that covers half the width of my back, and goes from the top of my shoulder to the base of my shoulder blade. This was to reclaim my body as my own and had a lot of meaning to me.
The other night my uncle saw that I had gotten this tattoo. He knows his brand was faded and gone. He wasn't pleased about my attempt to claim my body back as mine. After making several comments on my pathetic attempt to reclaim my body as my own when I should remember that it will always belong to him, he decided that it was no longer acceptable that his brand wasn't legible anymore. He pulled out a piece of metal wire that was bent into the shape of his initials on either end. He used a bbq lighter to heat it up and rebranded me. My hip now shows his mark, his brand, his ownership over me.
It's a constant reminder every time I move. It hurts to wear clothes over it as it is right at the bend of my leg and hip. I have a burn kit at my apartment so I will try to keep it clean. It's hard to make sure this doesn't get infected because the area is always moving and rubbing.
This is killing me inside. I want to scream or cry but nothing comes. It's all building up inside and I can't release it.
Those of you who have read parts of my trauma diary would know that when I was little my uncle branded me with his initials by burning them into my skin. You would also know that as I got older it faded and I was left with just a faint scar line which no longer resembled his initials. You would also know that at the end of November I got a tattoo on my shoulder that covers half the width of my back, and goes from the top of my shoulder to the base of my shoulder blade. This was to reclaim my body as my own and had a lot of meaning to me.
The other night my uncle saw that I had gotten this tattoo. He knows his brand was faded and gone. He wasn't pleased about my attempt to claim my body back as mine. After making several comments on my pathetic attempt to reclaim my body as my own when I should remember that it will always belong to him, he decided that it was no longer acceptable that his brand wasn't legible anymore. He pulled out a piece of metal wire that was bent into the shape of his initials on either end. He used a bbq lighter to heat it up and rebranded me. My hip now shows his mark, his brand, his ownership over me.
It's a constant reminder every time I move. It hurts to wear clothes over it as it is right at the bend of my leg and hip. I have a burn kit at my apartment so I will try to keep it clean. It's hard to make sure this doesn't get infected because the area is always moving and rubbing.
This is killing me inside. I want to scream or cry but nothing comes. It's all building up inside and I can't release it.
Mytai,
I am so sorry. There are no words really.
I am also sorry to push things all the time but it seems to me there are many things you could do with an examination that would not include an internal. Something like this burn. The clothes. I can't stand to think of this "man" continuing to have any possible contact with you.
I hope you won't be angry but I am going to email victims support and just feel out a few hypothetical things. I shall of course say very little. You are totally anonymous unless you decide differently in the future. You are in control.
Your body is yours. Any pathetic attempt of his to the contrary is a sign of his pathetic shrivelled evil ego. Sorry for the rant. I hope it doesn't affect you badly. I would just like to obliterate him for you if I could.
I am so sorry. There are no words really.
I am also sorry to push things all the time but it seems to me there are many things you could do with an examination that would not include an internal. Something like this burn. The clothes. I can't stand to think of this "man" continuing to have any possible contact with you.
I hope you won't be angry but I am going to email victims support and just feel out a few hypothetical things. I shall of course say very little. You are totally anonymous unless you decide differently in the future. You are in control.
Your body is yours. Any pathetic attempt of his to the contrary is a sign of his pathetic shrivelled evil ego. Sorry for the rant. I hope it doesn't affect you badly. I would just like to obliterate him for you if I could.
- Post starter
- #101
@Abstract The problem with the clothes is that I don't remember what I was wearing. When I started being aware of what was happening I was already with him and I didn't have clothes on. After I left I had totally dissociated and I was in my pj's at my family members house.
I'm not angry if you do that. You don't know my name or where I live or anything like that.
I'm not angry if you do that. You don't know my name or where I live or anything like that.
Please tell me if the email is not OK. This is your journey and you have full rights over it Mytai.
PS. good.
A pity about the clothes. I loose very large chunks of time and information too. Is there any way of isolating the possibilities when it comes to underwear? Please tell me to stop if I start being an extra stress or annoyance!
PS. good.
A pity about the clothes. I loose very large chunks of time and information too. Is there any way of isolating the possibilities when it comes to underwear? Please tell me to stop if I start being an extra stress or annoyance!
- Post starter
- #103
I have just read your latest posts and am so sorry to hear the way he has treated you. I know it must be very hard but really do hope you are able to talk to your therapist about all this. She is safe and I know will want to be able to help you to come to terms with this and take back the control over yourself that you deserve. Abusers like this make me feel so angry and I hope you do not mind me saying it. Your body is not his. It is yours and it is such a gross misuse of power and I am really hoping you will be able to feed that more and more into yourself and find the safety and comfort you so deserve.
I have not been able to read your trauma diary as I find it hard reading diaries when I am going through so much mysel as I find it very triggering so do have to be careful for myself but know that the things he has done to you are not unacceptable and am praying peace and security for you now that you are again away from the situation and still hoping you are able to feed into yourself that you are now safe and there is a way out because there are ways with the right support that you can be free and I know there are so many people at least on here and with your therapist who are with you and really would want so much for you to be free to be the person you deserve to be with no branding and binding from anyone else who has no rights at all to take so much from you.
Praying peace for you
God bless
Helen
I have not been able to read your trauma diary as I find it hard reading diaries when I am going through so much mysel as I find it very triggering so do have to be careful for myself but know that the things he has done to you are not unacceptable and am praying peace and security for you now that you are again away from the situation and still hoping you are able to feed into yourself that you are now safe and there is a way out because there are ways with the right support that you can be free and I know there are so many people at least on here and with your therapist who are with you and really would want so much for you to be free to be the person you deserve to be with no branding and binding from anyone else who has no rights at all to take so much from you.
Praying peace for you
God bless
Helen
- Post starter
- #105
I just don't know what to say to her @HelenB How on earth do you start talking about something like that? I don't know what to say to her, how to say it. I'm just feeling so confused right now, and alone, really really alone. I have no physical support right now aside from my T, and she can't be there every moment that I need someone. She's only one person, she has other clients, and she has to have boundaries.
I don't want to email her about it before I see her on the 3rd. I guess it really isn't that far away, it's a week from today. I'm alone at work for the next 4 days, no one else is in the office. So no one to help distract me from the situation. I wish I had someone. I'm in a lot of physical pain, and my mind is spinning right now.
I don't want to email her about it before I see her on the 3rd. I guess it really isn't that far away, it's a week from today. I'm alone at work for the next 4 days, no one else is in the office. So no one to help distract me from the situation. I wish I had someone. I'm in a lot of physical pain, and my mind is spinning right now.
I'm so sorry that you don't have anyone who can be with you right now and know it must be so hard to think about talking to your therapist but do really feel this is important. I know she does have other clients and has boundaries, but if you have her email address and she is happy for you to use it, I am sure she would prefer you to be able to do that if it would be easier for you to write it down than bring it up and find a way to talk about it when you see her. I have also often written things down myself which I have taken with me and then told my therapist that I want to read it and share it with her, as in some ways reading why I have written instead of talking about it all afresh can feel safer and often having written it knowing I am going to be able to share it with someone safe just helps calm those screaming parts inside too, as I know they will be listened to and really will be able to be real about all of what is going on, which for me is so important.
I am thinking of you so much and really hope you are able to find ways to nurture and look after yourself as you deserve it so much and I just wish there were people there who could give you the care which you do deserve.
Helen
I am thinking of you so much and really hope you are able to find ways to nurture and look after yourself as you deserve it so much and I just wish there were people there who could give you the care which you do deserve.
Helen
BloomInWinter
VIP Member
@mytai You can leave. Call the police immediately, and have them take you to the hospital for an evaluation. Be completely honest about what has been done to you. You owe no allegiance to anyone but yourself and your safety.
You are not trapped. You can use the phone and put an end to his abuse, forever. It matters not what anyone else thinks about it. A crime has occurred and anyone preventing you from getting to safety sides with the abuser, usually out of ignorance.
You can rescue yourself, now. Please pick up the phone and treat this as the life-threatening situation it is.
Your silence allow this predator to continue his hunting of others in your family. It is very likely he is victimizing others and your courage in speaking out may help them to get help as well.
You are not trapped. You can use the phone and put an end to his abuse, forever. It matters not what anyone else thinks about it. A crime has occurred and anyone preventing you from getting to safety sides with the abuser, usually out of ignorance.
You can rescue yourself, now. Please pick up the phone and treat this as the life-threatening situation it is.
Your silence allow this predator to continue his hunting of others in your family. It is very likely he is victimizing others and your courage in speaking out may help them to get help as well.
- Post starter
- #108
It matters what the police think about it. If the police are telling me that they won't listen to another report about his abuse then what can I possibly do? If the ones who have the power to end it are saying they won't help me, how am I supposed to put an end to it?
No one in the family has contact with him aside from his wife. Even his kids won't speak to him or let him have access to his grandkids. He is a known child abuser, just not in my personal case.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
