Being Triggered Left and Right

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm not sure if this triggering goes on all of the time and I just handled it better, or if the holidays and the anniversary of my assault is causing me to be verbally abusive.

I just got two horrible letters today. One said I was denied for disability and the other was about my son, who was arrested in another state about 3 weeks ago, for possession of pot. I knew he was up to no good when he said he was going to Missouri, and I told him not to be doing any drug deals.

I kicked him out of the house about 2 weeks ago for other issues, and now I feel he needs some guidance and no one will talk to him for me. If I talk to him he will hear static, and hang up on me.

Some one said two things that I usually would just ignore but I almost made a war out of it (luckily I caught myself and didn't say anything). I can't get it out of my head and I want to lash out at her for something so petty. I don't know why it bothers me so bad.

Then someone else said that I was making the thing about my son, about me. He said I was having a pity party and I feel I have to get upset about it, or I wouldn't think I was being a good mother. I think he is having a PTSD moment and using semantics on me.

I am taking this out on my husband and verbally abusing him for not wanting to talk to my son. I have got to get a grip or I will end up in a fight over something trivial.

So is this irritation about my son, the holidays, my anniversary, or is it just too much at once? Anyone?

Tammy

 

[Deleted member 541]

IMO when we are at our worst with PTSD flaring up, everything becomes worse than it actually is. This is only my opinion....When I look back to when I was at my worst, everything or anything that happened I would blow it out of proportion. So this may be where you are coming from. I think between the letters, your son and PTSD you just have a lot going on right now and are having a hard time coping with things and everything is starting to get to you.

As far as your son.....You're a mom and have the right to be upset with your son about his choices, but you also have to remember that they are his choices. He knows right from wrong. This may be a blessing in disguise...He may just have gotten the wake up call that he needs. This may scare him enough to come to his senses. Let's hope so.

PS...Just about everyone gets denied for disability on the first try. Reapply!!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 93]

To me it sounds like way too much at once. Your cup is full. And I can certainly relate on the kid front of stress. The kid thing alone can do this and you have an anniversary and holidays too. That is really a train wreck in the making but it is good you recognize it. You know where the issues are and that is the first step in over coming them and sorting it out.

I had my anniversary pass and as I came out of it my daughter did some really bad moves (again) and caused me to have a relapse. It was not fun. And it certainly was not because I thought the only way to be a good mom is be upset. These are our kids! Our flesh and blood. Little boogers that gave us heart attacks when they tripped and missed a sharp corner by just a hair, well, we could go pad the whole room and keep them safe. Now when they get bigger it is only natural to want to pad the world and make it safe, though they seem to seek out the sharpest corners life has to offer.

My daughter moved in with her dad as I could not handle this daily. She has managed to make my entire family and extended shun her. Drug problems and charges, sexual issues, STDs, assault charges, theft charges... You name it, I left some out. And she is only 14 heading for a grave or prison before she is an adult. I prayed, I screamed, I cried, I got very sick, I begged and pleaded, grounded, bribed, therapy, medicate, I tried to reason with her... She like your son hears static. I moved her out after I slapped her as I saw what it was turning me into. I was always angry, physically ill, and hurt and my whole family caught it.

Finally what has been the only help for me as it is more than obvious nothing I, family, police, or counselors and doctors can do to help her... Is put space between us. She did a lot to make me sick with full blown panic attacks everyday. Once she went to her dad I had space. I get updates and get sick. But since there is space I am not sick daily. My family and my oldest son spaces out updates.

This is a very hard decision, but if it effects your health all the time and he is anywhere as thick headed as my daughter it may be your only option. Yes, I had to put myself first over one of my children. I was left a worthless mom to 3 other kids. So they are being put ahead of her too. Everyone in my family, kids too, put her first for years because of her issues. She was ripping everyone and this family apart.

Has it changed her? Not at all. I really have lost hope anything will. I think if she goes to jail she will be even worse. I know she won't graduate. It kills me to think about so I know how bad this hurts you. You can't help but it to hurt, it is your child. But you can space out your hurt by putting space between you. I know this idea may sound off the wall, but you have to decide where a line is. How sick is too sick for you? How much damage can you allow to others you love and yourself?

My reasoning... My daughter is self destructive no matter the intervention. She is going to fall on her face because that is what she wants to do. She has, but she keeps pushing it again. She refuses and fights help as "I am leading her life". So do I keep her close and when she does this she takes us all out with her, or do I put space between us and not speak to her so she falls alone. This is the last choice option obviously. I just stand back now and hope where ever she falls won't be too bad but hard enough to change her way of thinking.

This is not my idea of tough love. It is showing love to the rest of my family and myself. We all deserve love and care. I still love her, I am just not only giving it to her and her alone now.


OK, woops, I did not mean to get that long winded on the kid thing, sorry! But the anniversary. Some people seem to have different reactions. From experience on my end they can last a month with no other stresses. I don't know what happens to you during anniversary, but during it you need to really try to take gingerly care of yourself. Really get into all the self help you have learned and implement it to get you through the rough ride.

Holidays - Not a damn bit of advice I can offer.

 

[2quilt]

I wrote an article some time back on how i got social security disability in 30 days, for this forum. It's somewhere here archived, but i don't know where to find it. Social security just sent me a letter this weekend telling me that they are reviewing me again to see if i am still disabled. (laughter) Let me know if you want me to help you reapply, SN. Never give up. You deserve disability benefits!

 

[Deleted member 93]

it is in information under entitlements... [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread5099.html[/DLMURL]

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

All I can do is cry right now, especially after reading your story Veiled. I feel like that is where my son is headed, and hearing what happened to you makes it more real. I don't want space between him and me, and the thought just kills me. I love him so much and tried so hard to help him. I paid a lot of money for him to go to a private school so he could get well from having to deal with my PTSD over the years. I feel like his behavior is a result of my issues he had to deal with growing up. Now that I've gotten better, I can't reach him.

This is my second time being denied for disability. I applied for it when my father was murdered back in 1996 or some time around then. So this is my last shot at getting it, and I'm nervous.

I will ask for some help from those of you who offered, but I will have to get my head clear first and I'm not sure if it will be today or next week.

Thanks for your replies Veiled, She Cat, and 2quilt
Tammy

 

[Cindy]

My vote - too much at once!

The holidays always are rough with the added stress they bring in all parts of out lifes - financial, relationships, social settings, expectations of others to be met. It's tough. I also am going through some rough times right now with my job and constantly being triggered by a colleague. I am regressing to many symptoms. But recognize that is what they are! Once you recognize they are symptoms you can begin to isolate each one and create an alternative. Go easy on yourself (easier said then done - I am my biggest bully).

Do something nice for yourself. Spend time doing something you enjoy in a safe place. I just took two days off from work to remove myself from the stress and to get out of the hypervigelance stance. I know when I return tomorrow it will all begin again BUT I TOOK CARE OF ME -this is rare.

Go to a library and journal, listen to music curled up in a blanket, take a bubble bath, do something that will distract you for an hour or so - BREATHE! It may give you a fresh perspective on the issues and the ability to prioritize the ones you can control and the ones that you can't control.

Good Luck!

 

[Awakening]

You definitely have a lot on your plate. I'm not a mother so I can't advise there, but just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts, have patience with yourself, and try and take good care of yourself.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm in such a bad state when I logged on and seen my avatar I was pissed. I've been crying off an on today, but went to get my hair cut anyway. My hairdresser asked what was wrong, and I broke down a cried and told her my personal business.

I never, ever do that. My close friend's rarely see me cry, and acquaintances don't hear my personal business in real time. I don't know how this happened. I am so embarrassed that I told the lady who does my hair, about my son.

I know I have got to calm down about my son. I just can't believe I cried and told some one I hardly know about it.

Is opening up to strangers some type of horrible side effect of healing?

On the flip side, at least I didn't argue with her about my hair, but the after math feels the same. I feel sick!

 

[Deleted member 541]

You can always blame the talking to the hairdresser on hormones, that time of the month, or a blue moon. What's done is done, you can't change it. Besides better out than in....

You are a mom that is worried about her kid, it's normal. Hang in there, try and get some sleep, and I hope the hair came out good.....

 

[Awakening]

Don't beat yourself up - hairdressers would get this all the time.

I'm not a hairdresser but in my role as an account manager I would say at least 3 times a year I get someone break down in tears - usually about their child or a relationship breakup. I mean serious breakdown, that's not counting general tearing up and/or confiding personal information. I don't think anything of it, other then I hope they feel better soon & that I was able to offer them some comfort.

It's perfectly natural, and I think it's a positive thing that you were able to release some of the pent up tension & emotion. I hope your hairdresser was sensitive, and I hope you are enjoying your new haircut!

 

[vera]

there's nothing i can say except i hope things turn out allright. you're in my thoughts. good luck & hugs,

v.