Poll Where Do You Find A Sense Of Belonging?

[Hashi]

I'm wondering where other people find a sense of belonging, if they do.

I've had a number of life changes over the last year or two that have made me think about this.

I had to take nearly a year off work, which hit me hard because work is one of the few places that gives me a feeling of belonging somewhere. Last year I found it difficult when other people returned to work from the Christmas/New Year holiday and I didn't. Before then, I'd been sitting with friends moaning about their jobs and I really wanted a job to moan about! I have a job now. I'm very grateful, especially since I like it and have little to moan about. :)

During that time, I became more active in two different interest groups I belong to and that helped. Being with a group of like-minded people is very positive for me.

My friendships have changed a lot. When I had a group of friends who met up regularly I did feel a sense of belonging. Now my friendships are fewer and more individual, I value them greatly but I wouldn't say I get a sense of belonging from them. I do appreciate this forum, though.

My strongest sense of belonging is the least tangible. My beliefs give me a deep inner sense of connection, safety and being part of something. This has been shaken over the past year and that has been far more devastating than losing job, friends or anything else. I'm still working to recover it.

If anyone else would like to share about their own feelings of belonging, I'd be interested to know about them.

 

[Fallen Angel]

It is interesting that you brought this up. I have a shaky feeling of belonging right now. We recently moved to a new town about a year and a half ago, left friends behind and met some new ones. However my other half isn't quite as social as I so we don't hang out with the other couple as much though he likes the male half, the female half annoys him immensely as he goes to school with her (she annoys me too...just not as much..lol)

I do have a good support system at work. Lots of work friends from my department and clinical team. I'm the youngest but the age difference isn't apparent really. I think my closest friend at work and I have almost a 30 year age difference. There are just a few instances where I feel awkward about hanging out with them outside of work because it would seem foreign to J and he isn't part of it. They are all single.

He never quite found his bearings here until everything came crashing down with his family. He lived for their phone conversations and visit. And now, those are gone... so yeah, we are a bit lost and isolated when I'm not at work.

 

[ms spock]

At times I feel like I have no belonging whatsoever. Then sometimes I feel like I belong a little.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I feel a sense of belonging at work as well. I worry that the problems I am having (mentally) may cause me to lose my job, but that is why I am here working so hard to fight and beat the problems associated with PTSD.

 

[Barconian]

It's a nice feeling... belonging

 

[Abstract]

I struggle with belonging. In fact I sometimes struggle with even wanting to belong. I am starting to think the latter is a defence. I think I always keep this inner place where I am alone. Work used to be my fundamental way to get belonging. That didn't turn out very well as I had a total breakdown (after a 5 year stint if severe workplace bullying) then ended up in another bullying situation at work for three years that ended up making me realise I relied on it too much and that I was a workaholic and like a lot of things did not seem to be able to find a moderate sustainable medium ground. I then had a further workplace bullying situation which was almost physical from a very frightening and unstable man.

The problem for me is that I am different to almost everyone else I have met in my profession. Probably because in a different situation I would never have done it. In some ways I don't even respect it.

I am also very different from my friends. Partly because of my job. They are bankers and scientists, writers etc with not even a scrap of depression between them.

I used to read and do reading groups etc but now I can't read any more.

I started feeling that I needed to try to find as much as I can internally. Part of that is a bit different to belonging. It is about being rather than doing and self esteem. I did work on connecting to who I am inside rather than what I do. That links into perfectionism. Something I have all but defeated and being rather than doing was a big part of that.

I don't believe I have ever been anywhere where I truly feel I belong. I always feel separate. It's not as if I don't get any belonging. I do. Its rather that I never truly feel I belong or am part of something.

Here is great but there are things that I feel set me apart quite a lot. Like the fact I don't believe in my trauma a good portion of the time! My interests are different to my work. I am not spiritual and feel very resistance to the idea of any group that is based on any spirituality. I am different to my family. Like a cuckoo. There is some belonging with my sister though. Even if it is mostly in our dysfunction or pain.

I am resistant to developing significant belonging. I hadn't thought about it but it doesn't seem wise. I try to create belonging to me.

I wanted to tick no belonging but that is not strictly true.

PS. I think where I most tend to look for belonging is shared common ground on a smaller level. Sometimes that is good but sometimes not.

 

[bell]

@Hashi, I ticked every box except for the last 2! And in thinking about it (thanks for making me think about it!), I think my sense of belonging is shared equally among all those things... And that maybe that is why I've actually felt a more scattered sense of belonging lately... because it's so... very... scattered.

I know that when I feel like I most belong, one of those is pulling me in stronger than the others.

 

[Abstract]

There is also the issue of how we feel internally. If we look for ways to be different or feel different then there will be no sense of belonging. If we look for belonging despite noticing essential differences that are not what we want then we can get stuck attached to situations we shouldn't. When we feel internally like we belong then there isn't the sense of alienation (for want of a better lesser word).

 

[zaniara]

To me. I belong to me. (The most important need for me is to be true to my self: to what my heart says.) Some of the greatest wounds in me is the one I inflicted on my self when I wasn't true to my self.

And I'm a mother, so of course I fill a role as a mother, and love my kids so much. But still the family thing is hard to feel. I also feel as if I belong to the human race, and that I'm needed, and that I have a purpose to fill. And then I can sometimes feel belonging to friends, but that's more "uncertain" somehow. I feel a stronger sense of belonging when I meet people that are like me: and understand me, and also can relate to what I'm talking about/thinking about. But actually few people do: not even all my friends really "get all of me": but that's okay too.. (I can love and appreciate them anyway.) But sometimes I long for having more people that are "like me" in my life. (Not talking about PTSD now.) But I'm grateful for my therapist, and for the one friend who can actually cope with "all of me"; even when I let go and am as intense as I can be when I'm having a good day. :D (I've found more of those kind of people in this site than anywhere else: and actually do feel connected to them: but miss the 3D thing more for every day I heal.)

All of this is what I say on a good day. On a bad day I doubt everything, and feel disconnected and as if I don't even belong in this life nor in my body. As if I'm from somewhere I want to return to, but can't until I die. Which I'm not "allowed to do" right now.. (And on a good day like this I don't want to die for a very long time to come.)

 

[Bluerose]

I strongly feel that a sense of anything comes from within not without. We must look inward for what we feel we need. It may feel like it isn’t there but it is even if it has been buried for sometime. Explore the world within.

We have a little saying around my friends and family - “Buy your own flowers.” Don’t wait for others to give you what you feel you need - seek it out within yourself.

I know. I know. It’s not easy. But we all have to start somewhere and we might as well start with giving to ourselves for a change.

 

[Pietro]

Wow, this is a tough one. Will be interested to see what everyone has to say. My sense of belonging, and of identity, is only starting to emerge/re-emerge, I think, and, at best, is still very immature.

 

[Pietro]

Don’t wait for others to give you what you feel you need - seek it out within yourself.

If I knew exactly what this meant, if I could visualize, in my mind, exactly what constitutes this, or what I'd need to do to make this happen, I'd do it. :) Still waiting for that "aha moment" that will provide this understanding.