Pregnancy Seems To Have Flicked A Few Switches!

[HëllaBubz]

Baby Niki is now 4 weeks, 3 days old, and I'm noticing some drastic changes in myself.

I LIKE being touched in areas that used to be triggering.

I'm DREAMING about sex, and enjoying it.

I'm FEELING in the mood for sex, consistently (damn this lochia!!!!!)

I DON'T feel snarly when something annoys me, or hurts me.

I have dreams where I'm able to say to family like my parents a firm NO to their face, stand by it, and not be fearful.

I WANT to go to the gym, exercise, get out of bed, clean, cook, go out.

I WANT to eat better, take care of myself, and lose weight. And I am already!

I am BONDING to my baby, I can FEEL again, and she is bonding to me.

I am facilitating healing in my partner so that HE can heal from his trauma too.

I can SEE the future ahead of me, and it looks amazing, waiting a little while for a job or education doesn't seem so bad, because I have Bubs to focus on, and I WANT to.

I can MANAGE anxiety much faster and easier now, I'm much more mindful, and can break cyclic thinking.

I don't feel self conscious anymore, I WANT to sing, to bring out the mockingbird that I've hidden for so long, that people keep asking to hear again.

I STILL don't want my parents around. I DON'T mourn their loss, in fact I REVEL in it, and am able to successfully teach myself that it DOESN'T matter what any of them ever do, it doesn't make a difference to me.

I can see that my letter has actually made some changes for the better, it empowered my friend who was raised similarly to me, my mother has left my father, and my sister has supported and moved out with her. My brother is more independent, and learning to be himself without repercussions.

I CAN be free, I CAN be happy, I DO have a future, and it doesn't matter how many times I feel down because I'm not there yet, I remind myself that I have a baby to teach about the big wide world, the other things can wait!

And finally, amazingly, serendipitously, we discovered about 2 weeks after Niki's birth, that Nikita means "unconquerable".

And we are.

 

[Lost Pup]

I am so happy to read this post. Some people may have noticed I have been posting frequently here lately and it is actually because my partner and I are sitting at home in the last two weeks of pregnancy and I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND waiting for my son to arrive.

Everything you have written here is so wonderful. I so hope some of it proves true for us as well. Thanks for sharing.

 

[franciemarnie]

Man that would be so cool if having a baby would remove PTSD. I would go out, get put on hormones and tell my husband who is a great grandfather (I am childless), surprise! Time for the sound of more pitter pats!

I am so glad for your happiness. Long may it reign!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hope the hormonal effects last?

This could honestly spurn more research! There's no doubt that many of us have messed up hormones, myself included. I have no doubt it's somehow related to my trauma. I know there are a few hormones that induce labor, so I'm wondering how those may be involved in what you're feeling. Oxytocin? Or something like that. They give it to induce labor. I think you can get a synthetic version overseas (not in the US) but the half life is in the realm of seconds so perhaps not practical in treatment at this point.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Spurn or spawn @Solara ??

My psych said if the blues and savage anxirety haven't returned yet, then they are unlikely to.

@Lost Pup, go check out some of my other threads that I've posted in the past few months, and you'll see why all of this is so amazing for me.

I think a good part of me feeling this way has been cutting off my father, and for the better part my mother too.

I've been through hell and back, and this is the most stable and consolidated I've felt in years. Not because I'm miraculously cured (that shit doesn't exist) but because the main aggravating factor in my life is gone, and without me being surpressed, my daughter is showing me what true love is, and given hope to my relationship.

Its such a battle when you can't feel much, and now I'm starting to feel again its such bliss.

 

[HëllaBubz]

@Lost Pup, good luck with your birth, I'm sure you'll go great. Xox

 

[Lost Pup]

Its such a battle when you can't feel much, and now I'm starting to feel again its such bliss.

It is just so flat-out f-ing wonderful to hear someone saying what you are. So much suffering around here, it is very nice to hear the real relief and joy that you are practically radiating right now. Congratulations.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I don't mind how long it lasts, right now I'm happy, and I'm enjoying it immensely.

And should things go downhill again, I'll have it to remember and aim towards.

 

[ms spock]

You certainly worked hard during your pregnancy.

You worked very hard separating from your father and holding your ground.

I am so glad that it has paid off for you.

 

[HëllaBubz]

That's probably why it feels so good @Ms Spock !! :D:p:hug:

 

[ms spock]

You worked so hard Bub. On so many issues - even the birthing plan you worked through that as well. Which was not easy.

 

[Barconian]

You sound so very happy Bubzilla Good for you :)