B.u.p.a Insurance And Ptsd. Uk.

[Abstract]

Thank you very much everyone. You are much appreciated. I had an awful backlash after this but am feeling much better and will come back and answer properly.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

In your own time. :)

 

[Hashi]

Ah, the progress backlash. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Sympathy to you, and encouragement waiting for when you want it again.

 

[Abstract]

Still intending to come back! :rolleyes: Thanks for the support and understanding. It really helped.

I am either brave or insane but I have just sent a letter to the T I had the problems with. For clarification. Not discussing the cause of me leaving (I feel no need with this) and rather just about how she saw me in terms of dissociation etc. I think it may help me move past some of my t issues. .

of the names.

Left one T's site open on my computer for a good few days afterwards to desensitise me a bit and reacted to it a little like a rattlesnake. Hard to come to terms with the fact that this overreacting person is me. For goodness sake.

 

[digger]

I have just sent a letter to the T I had the problems with. For clarification... I think it may help me move past some of my t issues. .

Well done :tup: fingers crossed for you that it does.

I am either brave or insane

Fine line. I generally opt for both :D:laugh:

Left one T's site open on my computer for a good few days afterwards to desensitise me a bit

This is a tactic I use quite a lot with things. Keep doing it. It will help. :)

 

[Hashi]

Left one T's site open on my computer for a good few days

That is brave. :ninja::ninja:

I thought I put one ninja but two came out.... obviously the universe agrees!

 

[Abstract]

Thanks @digger1 and @Hashi. I appreciate your support! Still doing the desensitising thing intermittently.

Terrified to open my mail and read anything sent to me by my ex t if she did reply. Need to get myself together and just do it.

 

[Abstract]

Just realised that I sent the email 9 days ago and no response so I am thinking it is unlikely I will get one. That is quite hard after finding the impetus to send it. It also closes a door to me ever having more clarity.

 

[digger]

What is it you are hoping to get from her? I know you've said clarity, but maybe make sure with yourself that you're not just putting another condition, or obstacle, in your own way to moving forwards? Question whether you really need anything from her to be able to do that.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks digger. I don't need a reply to move forwards. I am going to regardless. Contacting her was not something I even considered doing until a day before I sent the email.

The big thing that would have been helpful would be to know if she knew about me dissociating in therapy. I don't need to rake over the mishap we had in t. I have had a hard time reconciling how she could not know after 5 years and have remembered things recently that make me question my previous belief that she didn't. I don't plan to be frozen in silence next time around in therapy but this lack of understanding how therapy was with her complicates things for many reasons. It's also about me having a memory of the past that I can trust. I am so tired of not being sure of anything. Dates, memories, perception of people, the words that come out of my mouth.

 

[digger]

I am so tired of not being sure of anything. Dates, memories, perception of people, the words that come out of my mouth.

I understand that so well unfortunately.

The thing with any sort of relationship though, therapeutic or otherwise, is that there is always going to be room for different perceptions of the same event(s). Personally I think you would be better focusing on finding a closure on that relationship in other ways.

I have had a hard time reconciling how she could not know after 5 years and have remembered things recently that make me question my previous belief that she didn't.

How long ago was it that you ended your therapy with her. You are saying that you don't need to rake over the past but this sounds like raking over the past? How would knowing whether she genuinely did or didn't know affect where you go from here?

this lack of understanding how therapy was with her complicates things for many reasons

Does it have to though, or could you put it down instead to being a bad fit?

It's also about me having a memory of the past that I can trust.

I understand that too, but do you need to look to her to find one or could you find one in another area of your life?

 

[Hashi]

I'm not sure how much a reply would clarify, anyway. Firstly, no-one is objective about themselves - presumably she'd be unconsciously seeing through a filter of how she wants to see herself as a therapist. Secondly, she may be defensive, consciously or unconsciously. Thirdly - and perhaps worst of all - she might not remember much.

There's probably something about counter-transference too, but I've never understood that.

You tried.

I think the question of knowing about you dissociating is no longer a question to ask your old T about the past. It's a question to ask your potential next T - when the time's right for that - about going forward.