General PTSD Husband Virtually Cut Me Off - What Can I Do?

[deedight]

Wow, you sound just like me. I have been married for 5 years now,but my husband suffered a trauma 8 years ago, before I even met him. He has been dx with PTSD for about 2 years and has been getting treatment, but about 4 months ago quit, thinking he was done.
About 4 weeks ago, I suffered a misscarriage, the day after I found out he tried to commit suicide, and now wants a seperation.
I am the one crying saying save us, i love you... and he is virtually shutting me out only when I try to talk is when he does too... any help or good success stories out there?
Deanna

 

[Nicolette]

Oh dear Deanna. I am so sorry for your loss. What a horrible thing to go through let alone not having your husband well. Do you have people who can support you and your husband at this time? How are you feeling? Is your husband better now?

My thoughts are with you.

 

[deedight]

I do have family, but im in virginia and they are in NJ. He is stating that he will try marriage counseling in 4 weeks... giving me time contrainst and everything. I feel like im being strung along, he is in control, and all I seem to do is cry and beg.

Im feeling like just throwing in the towel, only I have 2 small children. He, my husband, has given me no sign of love or caring through all of this,and really makes no effort or wants to do counseling on his own, only when I ask. Any suggestions

thanks nicolette... its nice to know that someone cares and actually reads these.

ps. i have family in melbourne..

 

[mahea]

Hi, I'm new to the forum and would like to know if Bella78 or deedlight have any updates to their situation as I am finding myself in a similar situation.

About 4 weeks ago my hubby went out with friends and never came home. He text messaged me and said he felt like he was going crazy and that he didn't think he should be with me and our son so I've been living with my mother because he refuses to come home if we are there. We've been in contact and he has seen me and my son, but we still haven't talked about what he's going through.

He's gone to see a civilian doctor who referred him to an army doctor, but he has not seen the army doctor yet.

I know each situation is different, but would like to know how either of you have approved your hubbies or if you just waited till they came around or I guess if you're still waiting.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Mahea and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I would find it difficult if my husband did that to me let alone resulting in me moving for him to have use of the house.

It is not my place to tell you what to do however, if I was in your shoes, I would not allow my husband to force me and my son out of the house. You and your son are important and such disruption may be detrimental to your son if he realises he has to leave his home to accommodate his father. Of course, if it is safer for you to be at your mothers then that is a different story. How old is your son?

Is the reason you have not talked about this because of avoidance or has your husband told you he will not discuss the matter? What made you feel you had to leave the house other than your husband saying he would not come home if you are there?

I do wish I could offer some helpful advice but we are here to listen :rolleyes:

 

[mahea]

Thanks for listening Nicolette.

I shouldn't say my son he is our son and he just turned one this past Sunday.

We have not talked because my husband will not discuss the matter. He is always too angry or stressed from work and will refuse to sit down with me. He keeps telling me that he knows we have to talk, but its never a good time.

I guess I left the house because I felt like I wanted my husband to have a place to come home to because he has no where else to stay other than with friends or at hotels. Also, its nice to have the extra help with my son.

Trying to understand if his behavior is caused by PTSD or just because he's "behaving badly" is what I'm struggling with and also whether or not he wants to try and work on himself and the relationship. What I'm really trying to determine is when do you say enough is enough and I know only I can answer that.

 

[Nicolette]

Trying to understand if his behavior is caused by PTSD or just because he's "behaving badly" is what I'm struggling with and also whether or not he wants to try and work on himself and the relationship. What I'm really trying to determine is when do you say enough is enough and I know only I can answer that.

Unfortunately Mahea, that is the cruel reality of the situation. Do please remember though, that what you "put up with now" can become "allowable behaviour" in the future.