I Feel Like Nobody Can Help Me And Nobody Wants To.

[franciemarnie]

The damage growing up in an alcoholic home does is unbelievable. When I went to a meeting in my twenties of Adult Children of Alcoholics I was stunned. I had no idea that it had affected me until then. They had a list of characteristics. Boy was I mad!

How wonderful you created a home that allowed a generation of non-users!

You can be there for your daughter and listen, maybe encourage her to seek help but again - you have to take care of you. You sound burned out on all levels, but the fact that you are here in the forum is great. Please please take care of you today. Eat something nutritious even if you don't feel like it. Get a little walk or equivalent if even for five minutes. Watch or read something inspiring or entertaining. Take care of you like you have taken care of everyone else. You are not alone though I know you feel like it.

 

[Psalm_23]

I really dont understand how to use the computer my daughter has been helping me. She just left for work so Iam on my own . I will do something for me to day. thanks. Its been along time . Its really hard to keep giving when you are empty. You are so sweet to encourage me like you are. Iam letting all your kind words and thoughts come in to stay. Thanks again.

 

[Psalm_23]

@Hellen B I read your kind words and I am glad I found this new family of friends. I want to be able to continue giving and recieving and praying for each and every one of you. Thanks for your prayers I really need them right now.

 

[HelenB]

I have still been reading your thread and am glad you are going to do something for you today.

Reading your comments about anger made me think about something a very good friend, who is also a qualified psychiatric nurse told me about anger, which is that it is a secondary emotion which has other emotions which are under it and fuelling it. I know for me this is so true and under it all there is a lot of fear and feelings of being out of control, and know these feelings have had a massive impact on all my day to day living and experiences. I know you say you have tried therapists and not been able to get on with them, but really would recommend that you do find a way to be able to explore and release these emotions, because I do really believe when we do not, this is when they do come out in so many other ways, and sadly that can often be ourselves and those close to us who suffer the most.


I hear what you are saying about anger too and how you were never allowed to express it, and within this really hope that you can see that there is in fact nothing wrong with the expression of anger when it is expressed in a right and also safe way. One of the courses I attended as part of my ministry at a Christian centre Ellel ministries was all about anger, and I know that for so many people really being able to express it in ways such as punching a punch bag, hitting a pillow and many other ways they helped people express it in, can be of so much release and really would hope that you would be able to allow yourself to make a start at releasing it.

I would also agree that with the control finding out what is the route of this would be so important and know that this has always been a massive issue for me. I think for me the real fear of my emotions and allowing myself to even feel them, let alone express them has been a big part of this but gradually as I am allowing myself to feel more and more and learning to look at the real experiences I went through in a different light, instead of still hating and blaming myself for letting it matter, this has helped me more and more to be able to work through and release the things I need to, and though it is still a very hard journey, I do believe it is ultimately the only one which will bring true freedom and only from that place will I then be able to let go if all the other things which I find so hard.

I hope you have managed to do something for you today and that most of all you are able to say to yourself that all the feelings you have are ok. You sound like you have been through so much and been there for so many others, and I really hope you also will allow yourself to listen an accept all those other parts of yourself too and that you can find a real release and freedom and be released into the blessings you really do deserve.

God bless
Helen

 

[ms spock]

I would be interested in knowing, how you get through the mornings. That is my worst time of the day. I never know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed.

@Psalm Well firstly with great difficulty.

Then I break it down. First off is some yoga nidra or breathing exercises. Even if it is only 5 minutes.

In my idea setting I would set up clothes to wear the night before.

In my ideal setting I would set up breakfast the night before.

There is a site called the flylady and she gives out some good routines to practice. Routines are very good for getting through the difficult bits.

I also aspire to compassion and self soothing for myself.

Exercise, music or somesuch can help as well.

Write a short plan and do it each morning for 30 days (no matter how hard) until it becomes a habit. If you miss a day don't stress just reset the routine practice back to Day 1 and repeat until you get it.

Good luck. Overwhelm is very hard to deal with so bite size pieces or baby steps.

 

[ms spock]

Can you get to an Al-Anon meeting or a codependents anonymous meeting?

 

[Psalm_23]

I got overwhelmed after writing how I felt.I took a break and haven't been back. I guess it's been a couple weeks. I do need to take it slow and really listen to all of you. I just read all your responses again this morning. I was able to take more in. I really do appreciate all your suggestions. I want so much to do everything and do it perfect.
It really helps to know I am not alone. Every day I struggle to not do what was done to me but find it very disabling.
I have gotten my self in the pit of not being able to do anything. So I am choosing to stop that behavior. I am choosing today to do what I can,and not expect it to be perfect. If I know I am doing the best I know how then I need to accept that.

My heart is open to learn how to let others love me the way they can. I see this perfection has its down side. I have been expecting my family to love me perfectly to know just what I want and need. I thought if I told them they would just do it. Because it wasn't perfect I didn't feel loved. I see that I need to let them off the hook and just accept that they are also doing the best they know how. I want to understand how to love my self without feeling selfish. I think that is one of my core beliefs that I am selfish and I don't want to be. Taking care of my self has really been a tough one to tackle.So many people around me telling me that my problems are nothing compared to theirs. If I loved them I would do for them. That I am not appreciative of what I have. They say I am the only one who can help. I have been giving into that lie for years. I thought being needed that much made me special somehow. and I felt loved . Now I feel used and see how that relationship was crippling them and myself. I see that love is something I really need to explore more in. I just want to listen and learn. I will go for now . Thanks for taking the time to listen to what I have to say and respond to me.

 

[ill]

@Psalm_23, I just want to say wow. You have made some very big, very important, very impressive changes. Good for you! I hope this message doesn't sound patronizing, but seriously, changing thought patterns is hard work and I am really impressed by how many movements you've made in such a short time. I find it really inspiring.

 

[Psalm_23]

@Em C. Hi I just read your response again. You talked about somatoform disorder. What is that? I never heard of it.

 

[ms spock]

It really helps to know I am not alone. Every day I struggle to not do what was done to me but find it very disabling.
I have gotten my self in the pit of not being able to do anything. So I am choosing to stop that behavior. I am choosing today to do what I can,and not expect it to be perfect. If I know I am doing the best I know how then I need to accept that.

It is great to let go of perfection. It is not easy but choosing to stop that is a big and important step. You might have to make that decision every day for 30 days or 3 months or even 12 months.

 

[Psalm_23]

I just want to say to Ms Spock, thank you. I feel validated by what you say. After I read your response to me I went back and read my very first post. I had forgotten what I said. After reading my post I could hardly believe that was really me talking.I was in pretty bad shape. I knew I felt lost. But to read it was like I was reading some one else's mail. A real eye opener. I have been able to start taking better care of my self, my emotions. I believe being open and honest before God to the best of my ability . recognizing that I had so much pride. I couldn't hear the truth. This forum has really been an open door for me to climb out of my isolation. Thank you for taking the time to share.

 

[Psalm_23]

The most amazing thing just happened the other night. I was on the form I found a topic about emotional abuse, neglect. My husband was in the room. We have gotten to a place in our relationship that we just can't talk to one another. I told him thats what is going on in our lives. But I couldn't read any more it was just to painfull. He had no idea what I was talking about. I was shocked I had been telling him this for years that this is where I came from. I was emotionally abused and neglected. He still couldn't get it. I was more surprised when I saw him reading the posts. He kept on for a couple hours. Nothing got in his way he was really into reading. That was so not like him. Long story short it's been a couple days. He told me he can see now why hes been so distant. He came from a family that was very neglectfull. He never got hugs, or I love you's. He said it was all so comfortable to just keep silent and not expect anything from anybody. Then nobody gets hurt. Wow.


My daughter signed him up just like she did with me. I told him not to tell me who he is on here. That way he can be open and honest with out me getting into his way. Like I usually do. The bottom line is now were talking a little more. And were speaking the same language. If you know what I mean. After 20 yrs of being together. I don't really know the man in him. And he doesn't really know me. Its like we just met. And were both a mess. No walls just brutal honesty. Its kind of scary. But I feel a hope I haven't felt in a very long time. And I know this is the real deal.I won't take it to fast. One day at a time sometimes it's one minute at a time. The ground feels real unstable. I don't know whats going to happen, but I know its going to be positive.

Right now I'm just taking it all in. I want to keep reading and learning. Thanks again and again for being there. I still don't know how to post things, I'm learning the computer for the first time. Its all so confusing. All the things you can do on here. I need my daughter to show me more. If I don't reply its because I don't know how to. But I am reading everything I can.