How Do You Know If Flashbacks During Emdr Are From Real Events?

[Animalliberator]

I posted this comment on another thread but I'd welcome more insight into EMDR:

I had a very intense and frightening experience during the 15 EMDR sessions I endured. Though I am well aware of the violence I grew up with (daily physical, emotional, and psychological battering), I have no recollection of being molested. But during EMDR, extremely vivid images came forward of me being raped by an uncle at around the age of four. No one in our family has any knowledge of such sexual abuse of me. And, as I noted, I have no memory of such abuse.

So EMDR actually traumatized me more because it brought forth images that may or may not be true. Those flashbacks - which included visuals, physical sensations, even smells of old man sweat on me - could just be a fabrication of my mind. I may not have ever been raped as a boy. But now I have these horrible images in my head.

Is this common with EMDR? And how do I know if the images that came forward during my sessions are based on real life events? I don't want to have a frightening memory in my head of my uncle. I feel like through EMDR I may be falsely accusing him in my mind. But the images seemed so real! And the voices and smells that I experienced. What is that all about?!

I hope folks here can now understand why I'm so afraid of therapy.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi AL,
Why do you call them flashbacks?

Flashbacks are the feeling that you are reliving an event. If you are not sure whether or not it was real then I am not sure it can be a flashback.

But during EMDR, extremely vivid images came forward of me being raped by an uncle at around the age of four.

- Images. But who saw the images? I mean did you see pictures of yourself as if you were watching from the outside, or did you see the images from the perspective of you the 4 year old (potential) victim?

 

[Lucycat]

I found EMDR incredibly helpful, but nonetheless there were some very scary moments - including episodes of psychosis. Moving floors and walls and them all changing colours as I watched. Me 'flying' out the window on one occasion. However T was always there, to bring me back to reality and ground me when necessary. Dealing with scary events, scary memories and horrors I had forgotten was certainly not an easy road to cover. But we had identified 'safety' before we started, so I literally trusted T with my life and we faced the challenges together. He said he was privileged that I had allowed him into this very private part of my life.

EMDR has been such a positive experience for me, despite all the above, that I would recommend it to anybody.

 

[Animalliberator]

Why do you call them flashbacks? Flashbacks are the feeling that you are reliving an event. If you are not sure whether or not it was real then I am not sure it can be a flashback.

Perhaps I used the wrong word. I'm not sure what to call the images. To my knowledge I was never molested as a child. Yet, during EMDR I was flooded with images, voices, smells, and physical sensations that seemed very real. The experiences were extremely vivid and detailed.

I have no idea what to make of it. How do I know if what I "saw" during EMDR is based on real life experiences or not?

 

[Animalliberator]

I should also mention, during EMDR my body would convulse violently, my head shot back - to the point where it hurt my neck - and strange sounds (moans, groans, screams, gurgles) came out of my mouth. I felt like I had had a seizure.

 

[Animalliberator]

Dealing with scary events, scary memories and horrors I had forgotten was certainly not an easy road to cover.

But how do you know if the "scary events" were based on real life events or simply related to a psychotic experience you were having during EMDR?

 

[Lucycat]

I have no doubts that my 'recollections' were/are real. However I also know that carpets, curtains and walls do not move and change colour - so they are definitely NOT real.

I did not have any memory that I am in doubt about but I can understand your hesitation/anxiety. However I would take it from the side of logic. Is it possible and likely to be true? Yes or No? That would be good enough for me. I understand that the mind plays tricks, so I would not need to justify the answer further. I can recall sounds and smells that suddenly remind me of something that is just out of reach. But I don't dwell on it. I feel it, accept it and move on.

When you describe a 'seizure' what do you actually mean? Do you have epilepsy?

 

[Lost Pup]

Hello AL,

Knowing that you a very data-oriented gentleman, can I ask (and/or recommend) that you try to find some professional studies as to whether or not EMDR can cause psychotic episodes? I imagine that would help to set your mind at ease more than others' experiences. If I come across any, I will post them here.

Generally speaking, the only way I think you can ever really judge if such images and impressions are true is with your gut.

BTW, I hated EMDR. It was far too much for me at the time, and a session would generally set me on a miserable spiral into anxiety and depression for at least 72 hours afterwards.

I did get more deeply into the feelings of my trauma but never really got a clearer narrative recollection thereof. Just powerful, disconnected fragments and alot of terror. I think I was not in the right place yet and may try it again in time.

LP

 

[samson]

What did your therapist say?

 

[Lost Pup]

Just came across a Google Book result that mentions two court cases which found EMDR is not similar to hypnosis and could not create false memories or memory distortion. Both cases were from the early 1990s and were cited in a book by Frances Shapiro who created EMDR but I suspect they are legitimate. There is an additional caveat there about not doing EMDR in conjunction with hypnosis that is probably wise.

 

[macca]

@Animalliberator I am glad you asked this question, as I have been wondering as well. I had my first EMDR last week, and had a similar experience of a kind, except I did not have have visual, detailed images. Instead, it was terror and distress, followed by a memory of not being in my body at 3 or 4. There is evidence to suggest I was raped as a small child, but I have no actual memory. My flashbacks and triggers have remained steady throughout my life, and also suggest it. However - I don't know. And I don't like not knowing. But if it's true, I don't want to be burdened with the memory. I can't have it both ways I guess. For your case - I would feel as you do, that I would want to check the veracity of that experience, as it would be damaging to believe it happened if it didn't, and also damaging to not believe it if it did. I am planning to speak to my T about my own experience tomorrow, so if anything useful comes of that discussion I will post it. In the meantime, @Lost Pup has come up with a great idea of checking whatever research we can access, and I will try that too.

 

[Animalliberator]

Images. But who saw the images? I mean did you see pictures of yourself as if you were watching from the outside, or did you see the images from the perspective of you the 4 year old (potential) victim?

I was the only one who saw the images. Yes, I saw images of myself as if I was watching TV. I appeared to be about 4 or 5 years old. In the first few EMDR sessions the images were cloudy, ghost-like, few details. But with each subsequent EMDR session, the images, sensations, and smells grew more vivid, until the entire picture (again, like watching TV except I could also smell and feel what was happening) became crystal clear. And, I mean clear! Disturbingly so. I could recognize the man in the picture. I could smell him. I could hear his voice. I could remember what he was saying to me. And, the worst - I could feel what he was doing to me. I could actually feel the physical pain of the molestation.

Still, I have no idea if it actually happened.