Relationship I Am So Confused!

[sthrngirl]

This relationship is a roller coaster.. I HATE roller coasters!

My boyfriend and I have been together over 7 months. We have not had one serious talk as far as our relationship goes. No I love you, nothing. He won't even take a picture with me for goodness sakes and when we do he can't make a serious face, it irritates me to no end. He has plenty of pictures with his exes and had no problem there. Why is it different with me? He said I was smothering him because I kept taking pictures. 1- if you didn't want to take any, then say no; don't keep making stupid faces making me want to retake. and 2- make a normal face and I wouldn't of had to take more than one!

I may sound petty, but it is the point that he can't be serious about simple things that drive me crazy. Then to top it off, say I am smothering him. WOW. He thinks I am out of his league. I am lost. I don't know what to do nor what to think. I deserve to know if this is going anywhere without him jumping down my throat and/or completely avoiding the subject. I feel that I am not respected and it's sad that I am afraid to even speak my mind because I feel that I am constantly on eggshells with him.

Help.. please.. anyone.

 

[BeatenMan]

Hard to say what the root of his issues are but two things you said were red flags. He is constantly in a push-pull pattern with you and you feel like you are walking on egg shell with him. You need to be careful to not let yourself become a punching bag in this situation trying to be a supporter. I think you need to set some serious boundaries for your own well being and although he is struggling, it takes two people trying to have any chance of a relationship. Just my thoughts. And "For Goodness Sakes" just cracked me up, you are definitly from the south and half the people on this forum will be baffled by that, lol.

 

[sthrngirl]

hahahah yes I am and probably so!

It's like any chance of any feelings coming around, he get's all weird and goofy-- which is fine, but there is a time when you need to be honest and straight up with me. I feel like he can't admit his feelings for me. It's just hard when I know what kind of person he is capable of being and when I say that was sweet or compliment his behavior, its like he takes 3 steps back. It is mentally exhausting. I can't give up on him because I care for him way too much to just "leave" him. He may not NEED me, but I know no one has put up with his antics like I have. I am very patient but sometimes it wears thin and I am at that point I believe.

 

[BeatenMan]

Unfortunatly making ourselves vulnerable is a terrifying thing for most of us. Im sure he doesnt like being that way, its just a struggle so dont take it personally. "Bless Your Heart";) for sticking by him and being supportive, just dont let it take to much toll on you in the process.

 

[sthrngirl]

hahaha thank you :happy:

 

[bell]

It's just hard when I know what kind of person he is capable of being and when I say that was sweet or compliment his behavior, its like he takes 3 steps back

@sthrngirl, yeah, sometimes it physically hurts to hear good things about ourselves, especially when we hate ourselves, as it's hard to accept that someone loves us just as we are. I've pushed someone I loved very much away and been pushed away by someone with PTSD, so unfortunately, this is just part of the process. (And, very deep down, he is loving what you're saying, even though it's shutting him down... weird, huh?)

If you're consistent with what you're saying and don't say it too often, he may slowly start to take it on board. (Think about how hard it is to convince a stray dog that you're not going to hurt it...)

Yes, we're confusing and frustrating, but like (most) stray dogs, all we want is love.

You may want to take a few steps back yourself and see what he does. Not to be manipulative or abandoning, but just to see if that helps things.

 

[sthrngirl]

That's why I left last night. I felt horrible for just leaving like that but I was going to cry if I didn't get out of there. I do things for him that show how I feel. I know actions are louder than words and prove more. He doesn't do or say things often at all but when he does it is so special to me. When you are with someone you want to be motivation for that person, he motivates me in ways and I know I motivate him to be better, as a person, etc. Every-time he has ever said anything remotely dealing with emotions, he always throws in a "i don't want to seem cheesy" and I am like, its not cheesy, your just being honest. He drives me nuts!

 

[kahlan]

I agree with bell. Step back a little. I think maybe both of you have some stuff in your heads that needs worked out :) It'll give you both a chance to take a breath and clear your heads so you may be able to see the relationship a little clearer.

 

[sthrngirl]

I am not really sure what you mean by "step back". We hardly talk during the week (if at all). I feel like we have a lot of space and then we have our weekends. He may feel and see differently and I'm sure he does.

 

[MoeX]

May I ask what all you know about PTSD? Some of the things you are expecting are in my opinion unrealistic. I do agree that a discussion about where you relationship is headed is a good idea but I also feel that expecting an I love you may be a little early in the game as it has been only 7 months. Again that is my opinion.

[quote="sthrngirl, post: 640570, member: 21157. He has plenty of pictures with his exes and had no problem there. Why is it different with me? !quote]

Please please don’t do this to yourself. It will only cause you to have doubts. In this kind of relationship you kind of have to retrain your thinking. I would wonder when those pics were taken. Was it before PTSD? That could very well be the difference in his attitude toward them.

What do you mean by he is down your throat? Does he yell at you or just shut down? It’s hard for me to give much advice without more information.

 

[sthrngirl]

@MoeX the pictures where before I suppose. I know I shouldn't do that to myself, but it drives me crazy. Like I am paying for what someone else did wrong to him. He doesn't yell at me he just shuts down. Anything that is even remotely related to emotions he won't talk about and if he even starts to entertains the convo for a second, its cut short and he always ends it with a joke as if he doesn't want to be taken serious. Like he doesn't want me to know he cares for me. It sounds crazy but it's what I see.

 

[Bedbug]

@MoeX Like he doesn't want me to know he cares for me. It sounds crazy but it's what I see.

Speaking as someone with PTSD, I sometimes don't want people to know that I care about them and in return I don't want to know that they care about me. Social relationships can be very stressful. They can feel like an obligation and I need to withdraw. Deep down I do care and am very grateful that people care about me too but, for a while, I need the pretence.