I Kicked my Husband in the Chest

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Every morning my husband comes into our room and says my name softly so it doesn't alarm my startle reflex. I usually wake up and he comes and hugs me and says good bye before going to work.

About 3 days ago he said my name and I guess I woke up but didn't actually realize what was going on. He thought it was OK to come hug me, and I put my leg up and kicked him in the chest and said "Oh no you don't"

Once I realized what I did I felt so bad because he has been doing this for months. I don't understand why I haven't gotten used to it, and freaked out, unless it was due to the anniversary of my violation which was yesterday.

If it was due to the anniversary, it pisses me off because that was over 25 years ago. I should be over it by now.

So now I guess he isn't going to say good bye to me in the morning anymore. This sucks!

 

[oksofineimnutz]

My take is this.....25 years ago or not...it still effects me/you as if it were yesterday sometimes. Heck, its been that long for me....and then some......but i stuggle with it daily. I recognize the frustration within myself also feeling as if i should be able to "put it aside and just move on" but it just dont happen like that does it? No matter how much talk therapy or meds or whatnot, for alot of things we just cant put it aside. I myself cannot take being awoken from a sleep by a touch. Oh heck no, my kidz have learned.....say something outloud when coming in my room to wake me. start talking from the doorway. dont give up on getting your morning kisses sweetie...ya'll just learn to work around it *winks*

 

[batgirl]

My family has also learned to not touch me when I'm sleeping. They usually touch my feet or shake the bed a bit to wake me up. I have attacked them in my sleep more times than I can count.

It might be due to your trauma anniversary. I know I get way more sensitive around the time of mine. I don't think you will ever "get over" your trauma anniversary. It sucks that you kicked him but don't beat yourself up too much. You obviously weren't awake yet.

 

[Deleted member 93]

If you could just get over it then it would not be PTSD! Don't assume no more morning goodbyes, just more careful ones.

 

[becvan]

Also, just about anything could bring this on! I've been just generally stressed out lately and I've been yelling into the phone and kicking shit when I wake up. It's just the way I'm waking up right now. It'll calm down in a few days.. then something else will kick it back into gear.. It is just one of those come and go things with me...

bec

 

[Deleted member 541]

Your never "Over it" you just learn better ways to deal with it. Maybe hubby should softly call your name from the doorway, and when you're awake approach.....

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

He thought I was awake and so did I. I just don't think I was totally coherent when he came to hug me. I hate being woke up from sleep, but I asked him to wake me before he leaves so I can always hug him and tell him I love him in case something happens.

Everyone in the house knows not to touch me while sleeping, but my daughter forgets because she is 6. Also, it's best not to get to close to me when trying to wake me.

I had a horrible episode about 12 years ago when my son touched me to wake me up. I woke up screaming bloody murder and my boyfriend woke and thought my son was trying to harm me, because he wasn't totally awake yet, so he grabbed my son by his head and started shaking him. Then I realized what happened and tried to get my boyfriend to release my son before he killed him.

My boyfriend was so disoriented and freaked out by my scream he shoved me backward and I fell onto the table. Once he was totally awake and realized what happened he let my son go and the coffee table was smashed into bits, and my son was traumatized.

We all learned a lesson that day. My son never woke me by touch again, and my boyfriend realized that I had some serious issues.

I think maybe I shouldn't be woke up in the morning for awhile until the anniversary aroma subsides.

After thinking about this I realize that my father must have had PTSD from being in the Navy. He used to wake up swinging or throw things at me/anyone when woke up.

Well, I guess it will pass

 

[logan]

it takes along time
my wife won't wake me bye shaking my feet
some thing i got never out me
on deck

 

[2quilt]

Oh, Tammy! How terrible. I hope you two are feeling better and are sleeping easier now that a few nights have passed. You must feel awful, but you can't blame yourself for your instant reaction; your body was reacting before thinking. And no, honey, you should not expect to 'be over it by now' any more than I will ever get over my incest the day I die on my 100th birthday. I just hope your husband does not have any bruises.

 

[EmoxxKid]

Hey man...that's why they call it ptsd...it comes back and it haunts you. You are not a bad person and your not lame for "not getting over it"....Your going to be ok and so is he;)

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm feeling better about it now. I thought my husband didn't hug me this morning, but he said he did when I asked him later this evening. I must have forgotten about it. I don't always remember things when I wake up and fall back to sleep. Well, I don't remember things when I'm wide awake for that matter.

I was upset because I thought he wasn't going to hug and say good bye to me anymore because of what I did.

It really feels awkward to do that to some one I love and trust. He must have felt bad too. I really feel sorry for him having to deal with this crap.

He seems to be OK with it now. I didn't hurt him, just knocked him back a bit.

Will the madness ever end, I guess not.

Thanks for your replies!
Tammy

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

From war or just being attacked by people on deck?

My dad didn't go to war, but told me that when people fell asleep that was when the other people on deck would attack each other. I'm sure he was guilty of it too.

But I guess that is why he woke up like he has PTSD.

He was murdered about 12 years ago and he was sleeping when they attacked him. It is really strange how things happen over and over.

it takes along time
my wife won't wake me bye shaking my feet
some thing i got never out me
on deck