Emigrating, And Grieving...please Lend Support

[maryiscontrary]

I will be leaving the US permanently is about 2 months. Overall, I find the climate here very toxic as far as progressing in meaningful recovery. I have a nice small internet based manufacturing business (that part is outsourced), yet I have had issues accessing decent medical care for most of my life, and procuring modest housing.

I live in west texas, which is probably one of the best spots in the US to live currently, but my water is polluted, and I cannot find a small fixer upper house to buy for cash. The apartments like in most of the US, are very overpriced, and I just cannot justify such huge sums going for pieces of crap.

I live in a pimped out old RV I rehabbed myself. 8 different materials I used to engineer a super insulation, but I worry nonstop about the water freezing, as RVs use garden hoses that are above ground, and yes, even that is super insulated. So it is a wonderful little place, totally pimped out and paid for, but it is inadequate because of the water issues. It is, when you really look at it, substandard pimped out shanty housing, which is very vulnerable to high winds and hail storms, both of which are very, very common here.

I have basically lived in 3rd world conditions, and developed super sets of skills, in order to not to be bankrupted by housing, educational, transportation, and healthcare costs. The constant stress, I think, really has destroyed much of the fabric of our society. I am so damn sick of worrying, as I do not have a family support network to catch me if I fall.

I do have some wonderful friends here. And they pretty much all support me, and most wish they could leave too. The place in South America I am moving to is much more health promoting. And when I was there, the PTSD just about went away. But I am grieving the loss of this beautiful area and people here in west texas.

I feel the US is barbaric, and is eating its seed corn. But I will miss it here.
Please offer support.

 

[DMerish]

You want support????

How's this: I'm holding on just a few more years for "retirement" to kick in, then I'm outta here too!

 

[maryiscontrary]

Hehe, loads of retired gringos are pouring in down there. I do have people I love very much here. Hell, I am sure every single immigrant in the world has gone through these feelings....not so unique.

 

[The Albatross]

Interesting that this is in discussion and that you are grieving in an anticipatory way... the event hasn't occurred yet.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Well, the place I live here in the oil patch was a respite from some very traumatic experiences. I basically fled my husband, who had a breakdown so destructive, that I thought he was going to kill me, and not even know it. My friends took me in, made sure I had a place to stay, supported me every step of the way. The weather here was so beautiful, and I would dissociate for hours looking out at the incredible sky, with the psychedelic sunsets. Them there was the blood red canyons and caprocks. I mean, I am really, really going to miss this place. I mean, I would probably be dead if it wasn't for this place.

 

[arfie]

Caprock Canyon is among my favorite US getaways. Desert sunsets are quite breath-taking!

I have dragged my PTSD across three continents, trying to out-run it. One of my favorite therapists called it, "Running to the future." 4 countries and 3 states later, I think I am finally beginning to understand what he was trying to tell me.

I never managed to out-run my PTSD, but I have no regrets about all the places I saw while I was trying. People are people wherever I go, but it is an amazing world we live in, from the Andean Peaks to the West Texas canyons to the Bavarian beer fests. 3 continents down, 4 to go?

 

[Hashi]

the event hasn't occurred yet.

The decision has been made, and I can understand the kind of feelings that come up around that. I'm hoping to soon move out of a flat that I've lived in for years, and although I want to move out there's also a feeling of leaving some good things behind.

I haven't moved yet but I've started tearing out roots through the process of planning and arranging it.

Problems with the flat add to my stress and depression, and I'm looking forward to leaving a couple of toxic neighbours behind, but leaving is still bittersweet.

@maryiscontrary It sounds like you're moving to a healthier environment for you. Grieving what you're leaving behind is healthy too. Sending good wishes for your move.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Yup, about 150 miles south of of there. Very nice getaway indeed. Gonna so miss it out here. I just don't see a home in the making here right now.

One big thing that I am scared of is being destitute. I have to have savings in order to feel safe. It is so hard to save here in the US. I am afraid the the ailing healthcare system is gonna be responsible for a lot of early deaths, it sucks so bad and is so disorganized. That is, as a single woman, it feels hazardous living in the US. And my town here, is probably one of the least hazardous of US towns. I realized, that if I can get healthcare and ease of paying basic utilities bills, I will probably relax enough to fully recover. It's so easy to shift for yourself down there. So much more healthy, that is health promoting down there.

 

[bell]

I'm confused as to why you keep referring to where you live as so great, when clearly... it's not the "one of the best places to live in currently?"* To me, it sounds like you're damning where you are in order to get where you want to go. I've run across continents, too, many times. And each time with a brief respite, my PTSD came and slapped me in the ass. (And each time, harder than the last, once the honeymoon period... of at least 6 months... wore off.) I say this with care, please don't think you're going to outrun your PTSD just by changing locations... unless you're running from where the trauma actually happened.

Along with getting prepared to move, please play it safe and research mental health places where you're going, so if something does go pear shaped, you'll be prepared. It's really easy to fool ourselves that "it will be different this time." But, when it comes to mental health, that is honestly, rarely true.

*Living somewhere with unhealthy water does not jive with a "best place" to live.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Thanks everyone. This is just a process. I agree, and I am questioning myself all of the time. However, I do have a fluent good family member down there, and so I got in deep there. Understanding the government, immigration, healthcare, social, and financial system. To me, it's just a logical no brainer.

And yes, this part of west texas is one of the best places. But if contaminated water is one of the best places in the US, it is time to go. I have to damn this home of mine, because I feel shut out of the housing, heath care, and family creation system here. It is just way overpriced. So if one of the nicest places in the US is just too hazardous to live, it is just some of the lesser of evils of other US places. It really is time to go. I have nothing here really keeping me.