I'm So Perplexed About Rape Victims

[Sore]

Rape victims are insanely perplexing to me, because I want so badly to help, and some things I think I might be able to relate to and help with, but I myself have rape fantasies. I feel so wrong trying to give advice, but at the same time I feel I can relate to some extent because I've had a really hard time trying to accept my fantasies due to the fact that I always loathed how unjust real rape is.

My biggest thing is that I can't help but think about how common it actually is for women to have rape fantasies, and I think that it's important we accept ourselves for who we are, but... What about women who like rape, but are also traumatized by it? What then? Is it any sort of okay to tell someone that it isn't "wrong" or "disgusting" if they do happen to like rape?

I just... call me naive, because that's probably what I am. I just don't want to wind up hurting anyone or making them feel worse, but I don't want to just keep my mouth shut either. I can't stand watching people suffer when I feel like I should be able to help, even in a small way.

 

[Ibub]

Hello, I wonder if I might ask if you have a PTSD diagnosis or if you support someone who has? I guess I am wondering what your question has to do with PTSD.

 

[Ore]

Fantasy differs from reality in that in fantasy, even rape "play" there is an element of safety and control. In actual rape, not so much----you are powerless, it is against your will.

If you are someone who actually likes out of the blue, no control whatsoever type rape, then please get yourself help and do rape victims a favor by not trying to help them. If this is the case, then you need just as much help if not more than an actual rape victim.

 

[Ozuv]

What about women who like rape, but are also traumatized by it? What then? Is it any sort of okay to tell someone that it isn't "wrong" or "disgusting" if they do happen to like rape?

I'm sorry, but what are you talking about? Who are these women? Do they exist outside your own head?

Your post is highly suspect to me.

If you're genuine, then please let me reassure you that rape "victims" don't need advice from someone who hasn't been raped and who asks questions like these. It's fine not to give advice. If you could relate you wouldn't be thinking your advice would be helpful. Please don't feel you're depriving anyone.

 

[Birov]

No, you guys are right. I'm sorry, I was tired, and not thinking straight. To be honest it is rape play that I like. Like I said, real rape has always made me beyond mad. I'm just worried about people who have both, but I guess in that sort of situation their interest would be replaced by a trigger. I only ask because I was reading someone's post - they were raped and have PTSD from it, but apparently they've always had rape fantasies too and they loathe themselves for it, possibly even to the point of considering suicide. It's painful to watch, they think themselves sick and disgusting and I want nothing more than to tell them that they're not. I want to tell them that it's okay to like what you like and they're not alone, but with them having actually been raped before I don't know what kind of affect that would have on them.

Who are these women? Do they exist outside your own head?

No, they're not just in my head, believe me. I don't blame you for your skepticism, though.

 

[Mafe]

I think I know what you mean, although it was unclear in your first post and of course, everyone hounded you for it.

Do women who've been raped have rape fantasies? Yes, well, I do at least. Do I like it? Hell no! I hate it, as you say, I feel sick and disgusting. It's especially hard if you orgasmed during the assault (as, shamefully, I did). Means I liked it, right? Wrong, hated every second, never been so scared and hurt.

It's a case of my brain making an association between physical sexual pleasure and assault, thus the only way to achieve the former is thinking about the latter. To some exfent, it er, gets the job done thinking about it, other times I catch myself and feel so horrendous about myself that there's be no way I could then ckimax.

Does that make sense?

 

[Sore]

Yeah. The resulting panic attacks weren't exactly fun, but I guess that's what happens when I'm half asleep and trying to avoid saying anything that could identify someone.

That makes complete sense, although that makes the whole ordeal a bit more complicated than I'd initially thought. I hope you don't mind me asking - you don't have to answer if you don't want to - but I've heard of rape victims developing that kind of "interest" as some sort of instinct to protect themselves. (I've not looked into it though, so take it with a grain of salt.) I can't help but think that a situation like yours could be caused either by that instinct or by an attraction you never knew you had, or perhaps a mix of the two. If you knew which one it was, would it make a difference in how you feel about yourself? I would imagine that there are other possibilities as well, but those are the only ones I know of.

 

[Anab]

An attraction I didn't know I had; ha, no I doubt that seen as the attacker was/is of the wrong gender. Complicated, tell me about it! Instinct to protect myself, yes that's more plausible. If it's good, it can't hurt hurt you anymore, it has no power. A way of taking power back I suppose.

 

[Sore]

Oh my, so no questions there. Still, the mind does have an odd way of trying to protect its user. I'm may not be personally familiar with rape, but I'm plenty familiar with the mind's faulty forms of security and that definitely sounds like one of them. In my own experience, that faulty form of security almost always does more harm than good. For me, the first step has always been to break those deceptions, to see the truth no matter how painful it is so I can deal with the real problem. A real problem can be overcome, but that security is just a monster that will eat you and your confidence alive no matter what you do.

However I can say this much - from the sounds of it it is the result of that security taking over. That means you have even less of a reason to feel poorly of yourself. That is as natural a response as they come.

 

[Novigi]

If you have PTSD then it is possible you have had some desire to re enact the trauma you experienced. If not then you are lucky. If you don't have PTSD then you are unlikely to understand the concept.

Re enacting trauma is re traumatising so although it isn't the persons fault it isn't OK or all fine. When there is a history of abuse and rape then it is way more complicated than a simple interest in something.

 

[Ifut]

sometimes it is like a compulsion to repeat trauma to resolve it, gain power over it, understand it... it feels a little like looking at a traffic accident when I am going by the accident. I'm not WANTING to look, but I do anyhow. Why? I dunno...

 

[Sore]

I don't know if anything I do could be called reenacting or not. I do know that I get the same thing as Ifut, and I have found that I can use that feeling to help myself desensitize as long as I keep it under control. For me that often means summoning or accepting emotions that put me back in the time or the trauma, to an extent. Although admittedly, I have made the mistake of taking it too far too fast before and I did wind up making things worse.

I'm well aware that it isn't the person's fault and that it isn't okay to continue behaviors that serve no benifit, and I hope I didn't make it seem like that's what I think. I just don't want to back anyone into a corner by saying that they have no options. We all have options, granted some choices aren't good ones to make, but then there's also such a thing as a good option turning into a bad one if it's taken before someone is ready. Pushing someone to do something before they're ready is the absolute last thing I want to do, especially on a site like this. Not to mention I'd like to respect the notion that we all have to deal with our problems in different ways. I'm not all-knowing by any means, so I'd rather not go off saying that this is the right way to deal with something when the said method might not suit the person I'm talking to.