Justmehere
Sponsor
Sorry to post again, but therapy has me really baffled right now - and I want to stick with it because it seems like my best hope to heal!
Two weeks ago, when we were scheduling my weekly session, my therapist told me she wanted to give me a heads up that she was going on vacation in March. I said, "oh neat, that should be a fun to have a week's vacation."
Last week I asked for an extra session because it was a rough week. She quickly agreed, partly because I hardly ever ask for stuff like that and she keeps encouraging me to ask. In the session we talked about the battle between the me that can handle life and me that hurting like hell and scared out of my mind...
At the end of the session, as we where scheduling, she mentioned she was going on vacation again, and then said, "I just wanted to check in with you, how are you feeling about that?"
I first told her, "well, I don't feel much about that... seems fine to me... I'm glad you get a vacation." Then I was able to tell her, "I mean, um... part of me thinks why would I be bothered by this? I feel fine about that. Totally good with it..."
She said... "and part of you thinks... ok, what if something happens? who am I going to call? Am I going to be ok?"
I replied, "um, yeah..."
She then said, "Ok, how about we check in about this next week?"
"okay."
I have been in therapy before, but never has a therapist anticipated that a vacation might be hard for me, let alone made space for it. In the past, I would just feel really bad and try to stuff everything and invariably fall apart and struggle with it.
As a kid, I would miss my father a lot, but if I cried out for him, I would get abused. My relationship with my mother was the opposite, it was extremely overwhelming and I never felt I could be separate from her or she would panic... I was in the role of caring for her.
This therapist is different from past therapists in a lot of ways. She does trauma therapy (and pretty much only trauma therapy). Her anticipation a vacation being hard and being really ok with it being hard, and even wanting to be supportive about it... leaves me confused. I really like my therapist now.
Like I really like her.
Does this mean I attached to her because I am going to miss her when she is gone?
Does this mean I am now feeling positive transference because I like her so much just because she is so ok with me missing her?
This all seems so confusing and bad to feel this way...
Two weeks ago, when we were scheduling my weekly session, my therapist told me she wanted to give me a heads up that she was going on vacation in March. I said, "oh neat, that should be a fun to have a week's vacation."
Last week I asked for an extra session because it was a rough week. She quickly agreed, partly because I hardly ever ask for stuff like that and she keeps encouraging me to ask. In the session we talked about the battle between the me that can handle life and me that hurting like hell and scared out of my mind...
At the end of the session, as we where scheduling, she mentioned she was going on vacation again, and then said, "I just wanted to check in with you, how are you feeling about that?"
I first told her, "well, I don't feel much about that... seems fine to me... I'm glad you get a vacation." Then I was able to tell her, "I mean, um... part of me thinks why would I be bothered by this? I feel fine about that. Totally good with it..."
She said... "and part of you thinks... ok, what if something happens? who am I going to call? Am I going to be ok?"
I replied, "um, yeah..."
She then said, "Ok, how about we check in about this next week?"
"okay."
I have been in therapy before, but never has a therapist anticipated that a vacation might be hard for me, let alone made space for it. In the past, I would just feel really bad and try to stuff everything and invariably fall apart and struggle with it.
As a kid, I would miss my father a lot, but if I cried out for him, I would get abused. My relationship with my mother was the opposite, it was extremely overwhelming and I never felt I could be separate from her or she would panic... I was in the role of caring for her.
This therapist is different from past therapists in a lot of ways. She does trauma therapy (and pretty much only trauma therapy). Her anticipation a vacation being hard and being really ok with it being hard, and even wanting to be supportive about it... leaves me confused. I really like my therapist now.
Like I really like her.
Does this mean I attached to her because I am going to miss her when she is gone?
Does this mean I am now feeling positive transference because I like her so much just because she is so ok with me missing her?
This all seems so confusing and bad to feel this way...
