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Attachment In Therapy - Another Thread

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The therapist I see now uses some somatic therapies and says talking alone doesn't help some people with PTSD and attachment issues, and can even backfire and make things worse.

Thank you for coming over here and writing this! It happens too often that individuals who 'rebel' against traditional therapy are seen as irresponsible loons who need a sermon to toe the line. Coming from a therapist, it lends credibility to something I KNOW in my heart, head and gut. I can't explain or defend it - it is such a visceral reaction - and it is not 'resistance'. And all too often it is seen as a 'boundary issue'. :banghead::dead:
 
And thank God more psychologists are beginning to realize that as well. I spent a decade thinking that my resistance to talk therapy and the coldness of it (some orientations) meant that I was too 'sick' for therapy. It was very damaging. So, it also took me a long time. :oops:
 
I think I feel safe with you', would he say: I'm glad',
He would say, "I'm glad you feel safe with me, and that shows how well you are healing" or something like that. I know he met me on a more emotional side, and now he is allowing me to have my own emotions but in general I know he wants me to heal. I think people like us need a therapist who is willing to go the extra mile, and not push us more than we are able to go.

I just hate the idea of drugging the child
Me too!! Last year, with two attempts in two months, I was drugged so much I was a zombie. I took myself off every medication they put me on. I decided there was no pill that was going to "fix" me, and that's when I decided I would have to let my therapist in. I take Paxil and Ativan (as needed) and that's it. It is the hardest thing I've ever done.
 
Why not simply allow me to attach? I can't do it with a person who is not a therapist as attachment creates tremendous, overwhelming fear.

I'm doing this a little late, sorry Pencil. I am writing from an emotional level rather than an analytical one. My therapist allowed me to attach. I am attached. I now feel more comfortable discussing things with him. For over 2 years I have acted out all the fears of attachment, and I would quit therapy, (16 times or so), and he would email or call me and tell me he would always be there to work with me if I changed my mind. Every time. Even the time I told him to f*ck off. That is why I was able to attach to him. Now he is guiding me towards the real world, and seeking healthy relationships there. I started this myself by telling him I wanted to be more in the world.

Pencil, I know if you had the right therapist you could heal. I didn't even consider myself a person when I first started therapy. Now I know I am a person. If your gut tells you that you need to ditch her and get someone else, do it! You are worth it! You are a person too!
 
He would say, "I'm glad you feel safe with me, and that shows how well you are healing"
This is my problem with this therapist. To the statement 'I feel safe with you' she would respond 'I am glad you can experience safety'. Which makes me feel stupid for saying 'with you' in the first place. This is what makes me wonder what her purpose is. If 'experiencing safety' is the big deal, I really do better on my own, outside of therapy.

I decided I would have to let my therapist in.
:tup:
 
I survived by becoming overly analytical on the one hand, and creating a fantasy world on the other. Therapy, for ME (not for anybody who wants or needs something else) has to get me out of my head. Talking talking talking makes me feel desperate.
I've dealt with similar feelings, psychology is generally focused on putting an additional structure on top of my emotions and thoughts. I saw it as a trying to force a model on top of an already full cup. Why waste extra energy adding another layer, when my PTSD already had my nervous system exhausted?

I explored multiple types of healing and recovery methods, with wide variety of approaches focusing more with body, emotion/energy, or spirit.

All paths are tied together though, going the mental route, will still lead to body and emotion. Just like starting with the body will still lead to emotion and mental. Healing ultimately needs wholeness and total integration of all 3 major bodies: 'Head, Heart, and Gut' is a popular pointer.

If you don't want to pursue energetic/emotional routes, then body centered methods is probably a good place to start looking.

Breath work and breathing modalities can be quite powerful. Indian version is called pranayama. There's some western models like Transformational Breathing, Conscious connected breathing, Bruce Frantzis teaches a simplified Taoist energy breathing to westerners, Michael Brown's The Presence Process uses practice of meditation + breathing, or there's older original methods like Rebirthing, Holotropic.

Somatic practices like somatic experiencing as mentioned but usually requires a facilitator... TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercises) can be done from book or a DVD can also be good for some.

Body re-discovery practices like Feldenkrais, Alexander Technique, Egoscue Method, Core Energetics, Yoga, etc.

There's also lots of dance/music methods, but can't think of anything in particular, as those never did much for me.

Or if it's baby steps, maybe exploring simple massage therapy, color therapy, aroma therapy, physical fitness or acupuncture.

The exact method probably doesn't really matter, it's mostly just trial and error, keep using it as long as it's helpful, then move on to other ones. Ultimately you'll have to customize what's out there for you. That's pretty much how most therapy and healing methods started, someone's personal story of suffering forced them to seek out and eventually create their own method. Then after their own success, they decided to share it with the world.
 
For me, I know that my 'child' part hyper-focuses and I can't really convince her to see reason when in this mindset. 'Trading' doesn't really work: I have to add but not take away at first, if that makes sense? Eventually, her attention can be directed elsewhere and no longer is she so focused on an 'adult' taking something away again.
@Ninja, this is profound, and the more I think about it, and 'work' with it, the more I realize how effective it is as strategy. Thanks. :)
 
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@Pencil My pleasure! :)
she would respond 'I am glad you can experience safety'
These types of responses feel very robotic. It is my belief that therapy is supposed to help us get out of our heads, not further into them. Our brains are not where the healing lies, it is at the intersection between our heads and our 'us-ness'. I firmly believe the healing is in the relationship.

I don't know about you but I don't work very well with therapists that try to 'teach' me things, mostly because of the ones of met, they tend to need to go to therapy themselves. Lead by example: if you're afraid of appropriately showing your emotions to your clients then I think you need to go do some more work...I guess the issue is with the varying definitions of 'appropriate'..

Regardless, I need someone to stand right next to me, be there with me when I am sharing things I've never expressed... I need to know she is there and she won't run away. Bigger than that, I need her perspective and I need her guidance, her personhood. I've lead myself for a long time, I'm tired, I need to follow for a little while.

When I first met my T, she handed me a piece of paper with something like 1000 different emotions on it. In my head I was like :eek::wtf::wideeyed:.
 
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@Ninja "I've lead myself for a long time, I'm tired, I need to follow for a little while."

That really spoke to me. I feel the same way. It seems the older I get, the less I get to "follow" and the more I have to lead. It seems like I am in charge of more and more and cannot escape the wheel. I would just like to step off for a while. I guess we are what we create, eh?
 
@Ninja @Rumors @DharmaGirl

How is the child thing dealt with in therapy, if at all? do you have separate relationships with your T, or is it only a relationship between the adult and your T? Are other parts acknowledged?
 
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