Non Judgmental Observation

[gtpgurl]

So the next 2 weeks I'm supposed to be working on non judgemental observations of things so that one day I can practice it on my body.

My therapist has decided the first easiest step towards working on some symptoms of my PTSD is to work on my self esteem. She used the term body dysmorphia. I told her that people with body dysmorphia usually don't really have anything wrong with their body physically but they still think they do. I actually do have a lot wrong.

During my abuse I got up to 300 pounds. I was obviously emotional eating. When I finally left 10 years later I started to lose the weight. I lost a total of about 150 pounds. I have a lot of excess skin and other problems that just makes me disgusted by my body. I think a lot of it is also emotional discussed for the fact of what it has been through.

I guess that I will practice looking at things without judging them so that one day hopefully I can look at a toe or finger of my own and not judge it either. Baby steps I guess, but knowing that I am supposed to look and not judge makes it even harder because instantly my head start judging. I have been practicing and practicing but somehow I always find a way to judge everything.


Does anyone have any tips on how to do this? Or things to practice on that would be easier to look at without judging. Maybe an article to read about it to help me?

My therapist says practice makes perfect.

 

[desiderata310]

Find things you DO like and write them down and FOCUS on those. I like the way my hair curls around my eye this way, I love the color of my skin in this light, I like the way I feel when I move now. … I like.. fill in the blank...

 

[Hope4Now]

@gtpgurl, welcome. I am working on similar things. My therapists, too, say practice makes perfect. I've made a little progress. It is very very very hard. Peter Levine (a well-known trauma therapist) in his newish book on Healing Chronic Pain talks about the necessity of shifting focus back and forth from a painful area of the body (in your case a small piece of what you negatively judge about yourself) and toward an area of your body that is not painful (in your case, some small thing that you can focus on either feeling comfortable with, or just not judging in a self-harming way--a fingernail, an earlobe, anything). Spend a moment or two trying to really feel each side...physically and emotionally...without falling into your patterns of thinking about it. Apparently it does something to the neuronal connections in your brain. It takes a lot of practice. But I deal with pretty terrible chronic pain and it does help (sort of microscopically right now but I am hoping more as I practice). I have a lot of body stuff too that I haven't even begun to address in therapy, but your post and that of @desiderata310 have made me think that I should try Levine's method on this too. I wish you success...even a little just to get you started.

 

[desiderata310]

yeah, it's not easy. My therapist and I were talking yesterday and it came up that the only time I seem to really approve of myself is after I've run or biked … (What he doesn't know is that there are days when even that becomes a place to focus my inner critic) and asked me what I do in between. Truth is, I try to live off of that endorphin rush happiness with myself and ride that wave as long as I can till I can get my next fix. I've always been hard on me and it sounds like you aren't giving yourself enough credit either! You dropped like HALF your body weight and you still mean to yourself? I get it, I do! I am right there with you! But I wish I could show you what I see! I see it you've done wonderful things for you. *I* am proud of and for you. Maybe you need some of that too?

 

[katiekat]

I guess that I will practice looking at things without judging them so that one day hopefully I can look at a toe or finger of my own and not judge it either. Baby steps I guess, but knowing that I am supposed to look and not judge makes it even harder because instantly my head start judging. I have been practicing and practicing but somehow I always find a way to judge everything.

This is about mindfulness meditation. Look up John Kabat-Zinn on YouTube for some guided meditations.

@gtpgurl, Apparently it does something to the neuronal connections in your brain.

This is apparently true according to my therapist as well. Look up Daniel Siegel.

 

[gtpgurl]

My biggest problem is that there isn't anything about myself that I can say anything positive about. Not even an earlobe. That is why she having me start wIth objects for practise. But I can't even manage to do that.

 

[katiekat]

Look up the video "mindfulness with Jon kaba-zinn" (the one that is 27minutes long with 67,000 views). It's a good place to start to learn about not judging everything. This will probably seem like a bunch of hippy b.s. (I know I did!) but that is a judgement too, right? So just try it... even if you can't stop judging the meditation itself. You can learn to change the way you think over time, but you have to start somewhere if you want to see results. :)

 

[Hashi]

My understanding of non-judgemental observation is that it's not about having to see something as positive any more than seeing it as negative. It's about not putting any judgement on it at all, either way.

It is what it is. It has no meaning other than the meaning we give it, so this is about not giving it any meaning.

 

[Justmehere]

Can you look at a chair and observe, "There is a brown chair"? instead of, "there is an ugly brown chair" I learned how to do it using objects too and my T would have me describe object in plain factual ways. Then eventually I got to the small step of, "I am wearing a green shirt" instead of "I look ugly in this green shirt." I haven't gotten past that yet, but I sure hope to.

 

[gtpgurl]

I am trying, It's hard. I am such a negative person i guess. Always have negative intrusive thoughts.

 

[Justmehere]

It is hard! And worthwhile... Sounds like you learned to cope with trauma with really negative self talk. It's common. I know your body isn't how to you want it to be. I read the book " wherever you go, there you are" by John Kabat-Zinn and it helped me understand that non-judgemental is different than ignoring problems. It is observing the world as it is and trying to withhold judgement so that we can actually take in more info and sometimes it can even help us change problems. You are a survivor and now you are embarking on a tough but good journey to heal. It shows real inner strength to do that.

 

[The Albatross]

Practice, patience, perseverance, and persistence. I would start by saying "I have intrusive negative thoughts and I'm working on it.." Instead of your the messaging you're giving yourself. Yeah, it's hard for a while, but perceptions change. Honest.