How Do You Make Friends?

[tillybee]

I was joking, making friends is no easy business! I only have 1 friend. I was just stereotyping I guess.

I was trying to think of something that would help you break the ice? Maybe a common denominator?

I do a Business & Management degree but struggling at the moment. Hope your doing well :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

struggling at the moment

I know that well--- https://www.myptsd.com/threads/tips-on-dealing-with-the-stress-of-college.40060/

something that would help you break the ice

So far the members who have responded have had some good replies. It's just getting me to feel brave enough to use them is hard.

 

[tillybee]

So far the members who have responded have had some good replies. It's just getting me to feel brave enough to use them is hard.

I'm not that great at ideas for friends but I do wish you well, over thinking is a killer and I'm afraid to say, it is a vice I possess.

Perhaps you could get a hand from your Lecturer? Get him to put you together on a task? Then it's sort of out of your hands. Plus you all have your history class and work that involves to speak about. :)

Good Luck!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

over thinking is a killer

Not sure if you meant the most recent posts or the whole thread. I wouldn't call this over thinking at all. I don't have any friends- that is a fact. I don't know how to make friends- that is a fact.

I don't think this thread is over thinking.

Perhaps you could get a hand from your Lecturer? Get him to put you together on a task?

I don't understand what you mean. You mean like we work on a project together?

 

[tillybee]

No I meant me, I over think, that's why I just have one friend.

And yes, if they were to ask you to work in a group or perhaps team building tasks? I'm not sure if this would be an option in History as I took business.

 

[seedling]

to feel brave enough

I think the bravery comes in working on the issue in the first place, then making the most of what comes of it.

I think the more you think about where you want things to go, and examine your feelings and behavior in the situations you are in, the small opportunities open up for you. Like you smiling back at the girl when she threw the paper ball at you even though you were stunned by it. Did you feel brave in that moment? (I am really asking, maybe you did. Or maybe you reacted, not thinking "I have to be brave now"). It "just happened."

In that moment, if you hadn't set a goal for yourself of trying to make friends and connect with these girls, if you hadn't thought about how you react in situations with people who might be potential friends, you may not have reacted the same way. You furthered your goal of making friends by smiling, a choice in that moment based on what you've been working on inside yourself.

You may indeed make one big brave push to say or do something sometimes, but I think great things are accomplished in small steps most of the time.

I wish I could just have friends already.

I understand, personally I find it difficult to be patient with it all. I do find that if I'm "patient with the process" (as my therapist says) it turns out better than I could have imagined.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are we allowed to copy/paste part of this thread to make our own post? I replied to someone else, but realize it was off topic now that I've gotten no responses and after all this is someone else's thread. Thanks.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Are we allowed to copy/paste part of this thread to make our own post?

Yes, as I know it's been done before. You only wouldn't be able to if this thread was in a private forum and you wanted to move it to a public one.

But this topic is very broad. Anything to do with friends or friend making. Which part?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This part. Last post on page 4.


Xbreed said: ↑
I don't look to make friends, I wait for people that are interested enough to want to make friends of Me

I've always done the same. Recently I realized that I haven't actually chosen a friend since high school! I don't have the confidence to initiate friendships. I always think that if I do show any sort of interest that people will think I'm some sort of weird predator who comes on too strong. And then I think that if someone wants to know me, they'll let me know. That is, if I initiate anything, I can't gauge if they actually have an interest or if I'm getting lip service.

I can't judge people or their actions AT ALL outside of what is established (ie family) or situations that are practically scripted (ie clerk at a store). I know my family's behavior because I've had a long time to learn it. I can trust the nice words of the clerk at the store because they're not being nice out of personal gain, rather they're just being nice for the sake of being nice. Anything else, ie friends or romantic interests, well in these situations I never know if the other person is being nice for the sake of being nice or if they're being nice for personal gain. I don't know the social dance and I don't even know if I'd be able to learn it. There are a lot of "if this then that BUT there are a whole lot of exceptions to this rule". I don't know how to wade through all of that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will move it tomorrow when I have a bit more time to expand on it. Thanks.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@tillybee There is only three grades the whole term; Mid-term, paper and finals. The mid-terms are coming up.

f you hadn't set a goal for yourself of trying to make friends and connect with these girls

I think if I haven't thought about how I don't have anyone, or started this thread, I would have spent the entire semester not paying attention to anything behind me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I feel I am making good progress with those girls. I think we will be good friends by the time the semester is over. I even thought of asking for numbers but I decided I will wait.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I did it! I emailed the two girls out for a study session!!! I even gave my cell number asking them to text me becasue I think it will be faster!

I feels like a very good choice. I am proud of myself.