General Can Combat Ptsd Be Triggered By An Argument???

[I'll make tea]

I heard that PTSD from being abused can be triggered by an argument.

Is that also the case for combat PTSD? I noticed my husband has an extreme dislike of arguments. Whenever we argue he just stonewalls and says "Yes", "Yes", "Yes" to anything I say. However he is not convinced. He just agrees and does what he wants to do anyway.

He seems to think I do not let him talk. Sometimes when we had that kind of argument he just goes "Can I finally say something now?"... but I give him time to talk. He can always say something. He usually does not agree with me. I never convince him.

I never had a "real" argument with him. I guess he is afraid that I will get angry at him.

Can an argument just trigger PTSD directly linked to arguments such as PTSD from being abused or all kinds of PTSD?

I am trying very hard to give him time to speak, make him voice his real opinion, aks him how he feels about stuff and so on.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Let's just say that PTSD, no matter what the cause, can be triggered by just about anything. That is, my triggers may be completely different from someone else's and you may think something benign is ok but it actually related directly to the sufferers trauma and can trigger them. You need to discuss triggers with your sufferer because we can't tell you their triggers not can we guess as to what they may be.

 

[I'll make tea]

Do you think he acts like this because I trigger him?

It's hard to discuss ANYTHING with him because he stonewalls... if it would trigger him he would never tell me.

 

[scout86]

If I reacted that way, it would be because I didn't think the person I was "talking" to was paying any attention to what I said, so "Why say anything at all????" (Been there, done that, with a couple of "ex's".)

The 2 of you may disagree on whether or not you're giving him a chance to express himself. Perhaps he has the perception that you've already made up your mind and are more interested in convincing him of your view point than you are interested in hearing what he has to say. (Perhaps he's right, if he thinks that? Something to think about, I have no idea what the actual answer is.)

To quote my therapist, "We all have our own road map of Reality. They may be different. None of them are 'Reality', they are all 'road maps'. There IS a difference."

This may or may not have anything to do with PTSD. For me, personally, if someone backs me into a corner, physical or verbal, I'm COMING back out of the corner & they may not like it. That could be PTSD related. On the other hand, if I think someone doesn't want to listen to what I have to say (whether I'm right about that or not), I'm not going to waste my breathe trying to say it. I think that's actually just "human".

 

[Echo]

Anything that produces more anxiety is triggering for many of us. You might want to read up here on the stress cup. I can't stand confrontational people. I feel it is possible to discuss things rationally and calmly without shouting or accusing. I don't know what your argument was like, but if it was anything like that, then yes, it would be very triggering for me.

You presumably know, at least in broad terms, about the cause of his PTSD. Maybe to start with you need to read up a lot on PTSD and use your imagination about what might trigger him. He may still be learning what triggers him. It is not always apparent to us sufferers exactly what triggers us in any given moment - some become conscious and others may be a particular word/phrase or gesture. It really depends. It is not a choice and we don't even realise at times that we have been triggered until some time later when it all really gets going.

Being angry with someone because they are triggered is not going to get anyone anywhere. Once he has seen you trying to accommodate his known triggers, he might be more prepared to open up about other ones.

 

[Echo]

Another thing to bear in mind, is once triggered, sufferers are usually having to deal with a panic attack, that may or may not be apparent to other people. When I get like that, I can't find words as quickly as usual, and I need much more time than normal to think. If someone wants me to respond as fast as normal and I don't, then I can feel railroaded. Often people fill up the momentary silence by saying something else, which then just makes it worse. The panic makes me feel like I'm not able to speak or speak up for myself, and since it is not visible, other people just don't get it. Not that I blame them if they are casual observers or outsiders. I do though expect people who know me well to have some understanding by now, but they don't always, particularly when they themselves are agitated by the subject matter.

 

[Barberian]

Addressing the issue of combat PTSD being triggered by an argument:

The way you phrased your question, I interpret it is about your husband shutting down in response to an argument or perceived argument.

I don't think it's about the argument "triggering" him. (see Anthony's thread on the difference between a trigger and a stressor). I think it's simply his way of dealing with a stressful situation.

I personally avoid confrontations for the most part because I can go into a rage instantly if I'm angered. It takes a tremendous amount of self control at times just to deal with the "small stuff" of life. If I am around and especially if I have to deal with someone who is agitated or angry is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I often usually respond with overwhelming anger and/or rage. I guess it's a self defense mechanism - a preemptive strike so I'm the one in control (actually out of control, but logic breaks down at the point of conflict).

He may be doing the same thing. Avoid any and all conflict to maintain the shred of self control he has left. It may seem as if he is cold and distant and doesn't care to engage in your conversation, but it is most likely his way of protecting you, of showing, in his way he does still care about you and your well being. He doesn't want to lose control and possibly hurt you emotionally or physically.

IMHO you might want to ask him on a "good day" if that is what he is doing. Accept the fact he may not want to talk about it, and let it go as best you can. Offer to let it alone or revisit the topic when he is ready and able to talk with you about it.

Most vets I know or know of are the same way (the only people I know who have PTSD). We avoid conflict so we don't rage and hurt (or worse) those around us. The proverbial gas and a match scenario.

 

[I'll make tea]

Thank you for your answers guys.

Please exuse that my answer is very short. I have read everything carefully but as a mother of a young child I never have much time on my hands.

Barbarian, you talk about anger. I never saw my husband angry. NEVER!!! I wonder if this is normal. An example: we had a minor car crash and that guy was angry at us shouting at us, trying to shove my hubby and he just stayed calm, told him to calm down.

You never see my husbands emotions, because he has a pokerface. It is because of his PTSD, isn't it?

Sometimes I "caught" my hubby crying and he "send me away". He said "I'll be there in a minute" and did not want to talk about it. I have been told that sufferers typically do not discuss Vet stuff with anybody who is not a Vet.

He is not a guy who is expressive about his emotions or thoughts, sometimes this feels like he is cold.

 

[Nicolette]

It is because of his PTSD, isn't it?

The best advice I have is to stop trying to decide and label what is because of PTSD and what isn't.... learn about your husband and the illness and encourage him to share so that you can understand more of what you are dealing with. Sometimes what is a character trait can be exacerbated by PTSD and the two are intertwined. Take my husband for example, he is arrogant (I see that character trait in his family), add to that military training and you have a higher level of arrogance, add a stressful situation now that he has PTSD and I sometimes get an intolerable amount of arrogance, especially when he is drinking to self medicate during extremely stressful situations. He won't take medication due to the military shoving tablets down their throats.

In all seriousness,

I wonder if this is normal.

maybe focus on understanding who your husband is and how you can respect each other while dealing with PTSD rather than trying to categorise everything. A label means little when what is normal to me due to my life experiences may not be normal to you.

He seems to think I do not let him talk

Help yourself by asking your husband questions instead of "trying to convince him" of things. Ask your husband to why he thinks you don't let him talk and how he feels you both can improve the situation to effect communication. Be open to his responses as there are always two points of view. You may have to alter how you approach something in order to deal with a situation under a compromise - in that you don't expect each other to behave exactly as you would and find a middle ground.

Good luck.

 

[Justmehere]

My PTSD makes it very hard for me to have a pokerface, unless I am dissociative... And when I am dissociative, I can be totally calm or curled up crying.

So no, I don't think it can always be assumed that his poker face is due to PTSD or not.

Talking about some of these issues outside of the heat of conflict might help him see you really want to understand him.

There is anger that is expressed by yelling and screaming or by clearly angry words. But there is anger that is expressed in other ways. I think that saying yes to everything you say could be passive aggressive anger.

 

[I'll make tea]

Why do you think that military training makes people more arrogant?

... My husband can be a little snobby sometimes. I thought that this was a normal character trait.

Help yourself by asking your husband questions instead of "trying to convince him" of things.

I do this, let me give an example. I want to do something, my husband does not want to. Does my husband tell me? No! He acts euphoric. "Great.Let's do that! Best idea ever!"... but acts different. He is, for example, never late... but when he does not want to do something then he is late, he "forgets" about things and so on.

Help yourself by asking your husband questions instead of "trying to convince him" of things. Ask your husband to why he thinks you don't let him talk and how he feels you both can improve the situation to effect communication.

I did, I told him I let him talk, he just needs to tell me how he thinks and he said "Okay. Great" but then later he asked if he was allowed to comment on what I said again... and I really NEVER EVER told him that he was not allowed to have an opinion.

My husband sometimes acts OCD'ish and I think I have sometimes been a bit harsh... on the other hand he tried to impose his OCD on me. He told me for example that my trousers were to long and fussed about it again and again. I told him "Listen, I do not want to hear anything about my trousers being to long / the floor behind the cupboards being dirty again". I told him quite a few times.

... That is probably the only reason why asking if he may say something makes sense. He goes like "Do you want to know how I think about the laundry being like this?", I say "No!" and he says"Okay".

I really really appreciate him voicing other non OCDish opinions. Am I too harsh on his OCD?

 

[Justmehere]

Does he have true OCD? Has he been diagnosed with this?

Or are his criticisms so nit-picky and driving you up the wall that you are labeling them as OCDish?

I would not use this term, OCD, lightly. I used to have OCD and it is hell. Please be careful with diagnosing him or labeling his annoying actions into major mental illnesses... If he has OCD, get him into treatment! OCD in someone with PTSD has a very high rate of being successfully treated to the point of no longer being symptomatic. Much better success rate than even the underlying PTSD. There are even great self help books for OCD. He may not see his own actions as a problem though, so I know this might not even be an option.

OCD type behaviors are usually based in anxiety. It rarely ever makes the person feel better, but it usually is a compulsion based in anxiety that the person doesn't know how to deal with in other ways. Maybe try to see his OCD behaviors and comments as way he is trying to manage anxiety, rather than just ways to be critical of you. Additionally, true OCD would not be just about criticizing someone... He would generally feel compelled to clean the area himself if you didn't. He may still complain about it, but he would barely be able to think of anything else.

And yes, OCD can be really annoying and exhausting to everyone else around the person... but it's something to get help for. No amount of being critical of him about it will really help him change over the long haul. He needs to know there are solutions, and you might be too close to him to be the person he will listen to about those solutions.

Sounds like a tough situation.